Doubts Of The Faith

[To Jesus Through Mary]

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and advice. Seriously, it means a lot to me right now. I did go to Mass this morning, and the homily was quite fitting to my situation. It was very edifying. It was not nearly as hard to stay this time. 

 

Add, yes you are right everyone has these moments and they are tests. I just fear I am failing mine. Perhaps it is the "apron strings being cut" but I am finding I am not nearly as strong as I thought I was. But thankfully having reached out here and to a few of my friends I was able to put things a bit more in perspective and things to think about. 

 

 

Holy Orders does ontologically change a person, as does Baptism and Confirmation. But, this doesn't prevent any of us who have received any or all of these three Sacraments from falling again and again into sin. As Apotheon mentioned, the Church is holy, but Her members are constantly in need of purification and reconciliation.

 

You had mentioned leaving a convent and working as a missionary. As someone who also has worked with the Church in an intimate way, I think those who do so are truly put to the test by what they've seen. By working with the Church in such a manner, you truly see the human-ness of the Church. Yet, the thought that must prevail is that it is, ultimately, Christ's Church. With 2,000 years of the corruption and sinfullness of Her individual members, She is still truly Christ's Church. Regardless of how hard we try, our sinfullness has not destroyed Her. When I have such similar doubts, that is my consolation. The Church remains, even when it doesn't seem possible.

 

Perhaps, in your prayer, contemplate Christ crucified. Unite this bleak period in your life with the utter and unfathomable bleakness and suffering that Christ endured for all of us, especially yourself, on the cross. It might not break your bleakness, but, perhaps, it will give you strength as you carry on.

 

Very sound understanding and advice. Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. 

[BG45]

Prayers my friend.  I'm sorry, I just saw this thread, and I definitely want you to know you're in my prayers. 

 

Father Andrew Greeley is an extremely liberal priest who is often dis-satisfied with the Church and often I find myself disagreeing with his theology and opinions, but I do remember one thing he said that gave me a bit of hope in a dark night of the soul, (paraphrasing), "With a church that has so often faced scandal, corruption, and schism, it has to be God's Church to have survived for two thousand years."  The Church has survived Anti-Popes, the Borgias, empires, a number of other faiths, and betrayal by its own adherents (including those who would teach).  The Church still continues onward and has that history which reaches backward unbroken in a chain; as converts, both you and I have discovered that fact through writings like the Early Church Fathers, who knew the Twelve that Christ called.  And if it isn't...then would any Christian tradition be true?  A friend once told me, upon converting to Catholicism, "It's this or Paganism.  I could never be Protestant."

 

Back in summer camp as a Baptist, they told us that things like camp were a "mountain top experience".  It's easy to see God in everything when we're on the mountain top and can survey His creation; when we're surrounded by others who reaffirm us in our beliefs.  When we would head back into the world however, we would face the "valley".  No longer would we be able to gaze down upon His creation, but rather be surrounded by it, immersed within it.   Faith, they would tell us, was easy on the mountain top, but doubt was even easier in the valley.  It made a lot of sense then and I think it does now as well; in addition to the Dark Night of the Soul others have mentioned, it was the first thing to come to mind as I read that very first post.

 

You've been through a lot this past year.  It's been a rough ride down to the valley.  But as alone as you may feel, you are not, when your brothers and sisters in Christ are there to pray for you.  :console: 

 

For what it's worth, I've suffered doubts more than I would care to admit.  There are days I still do (far more than I'd care to admit).  Doubt is a constant companion at times.  Thoreau once said, "Faith keeps many doubts in her pay. If I could not doubt, I should not believe."  As Missy said, doubt often precedes some sort of growth, hopefully that's the case with this. 

 

 

[MissyP89]

So what if you're not strong right now? Strength is a developed trait, I think. :) 

[BG45]

So what if you're not strong right now? Strength is a developed trait, I think. :)

 

Amen!  Props if I could!

 

Edit:  Holy cow, I nearly deleted your post while hitting the quote button.  Not used to the buttons being there by each other.

[Anastasia13]

I deeply questioned everything and almost became a deist. I didn't make it through. I stopped being quite so Protestant or Sola Scriptura. Where we are weak, God is strong. Where we do not know how to go on, God will walk us forward. The most important thing is to seek Him. Fellowship and prayer are a must. Never be afraid to question and never walk away without a good reason. We don't put our faith in people who are imperfect, we put our faith in God, and that is where everything must start. IMO.

Edited July 1, 2013 by Light and Truth

[To Jesus Through Mary]

BG, Missy, L&T, CC, CT, AW, AL, Apo, Lilla, SrK, Add, and all- thank you so much for your kind responses and most of all your prayers. I am doing much better this morning. I know it is thanks to the many prayers of you good people, my friends, and a priest I reached out to. I am still struggling, I am not going to lie. But as I have taken some of your great advice, and mediated on the Cross, it does help get the focus off of me, and put it in perspective. And as much as I have moaned about the Church not being what she should be, but really- I have not been the Catholic I should be. I have not been striving for holiness the way I should. Even though the feelings aren't there, I am far more determined to continue plugging away and recall the time of consolation, as they have been many (hey AL- how is that for Ignatius?  ;) )- Eventually this time will pass, like they have at other points in my life. I do have some very difficult things to face, but I also know running from grace is not the way to handle it, even if I am throwing a hissy fit.

 

Thank you again for your responses and for caring. I really do appreciate it.  

Edited July 1, 2013 by To Jesus Through Mary

[Amppax]

I didn't respond earlier than this, mostly because I'm in the same sort of valley (BG I really liked that) but one thing I've noticed recently its that the more faithful I am to prayer, the less doubts and other things sway me. I still have them regardless, but with prayer they are much easier to handle. I've had a couple says now where I have barely prayed, and they've been incredibly difficult.

I'll be praying for you TJTM, I can't offer any advice better than what others have said, but I will definitely offer prayers.

[organwerke]

My dear I understand you so much.

I haven't any advice to give you except for keeping the devotion of Mary and of the Sacred Heart.

Don't speculate with your thoughts, just consider that the Heart of Jesus loves us so much and His mother is always our Best Way to be accepted by Him. Pray as a child, not as an adult. Maybe this can help.

[arfink]

Also, please keep remembering that what you are experiencing now is not punishment for some offense you have committed. You know exactly who is at fault for much of this, and it's not you. :console: Hang in there, things will improve.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I just came across this thread now.. I hope that you're no longer going through these doubts :) but if you are, or if anyone is and is reading this thread, I thought I'd share some thoughts that have helped me.

 

It's true that the Church has much corruption. And that can be very discouraging. But while the Church has a human element, it also has a divine element, and it's the Holy Spirit that makes the Church infallible and true. The human element can fail, especially as we're living in such hard times and the Church is attacked and priests are attacked spiritually. We know that the Church will triumph because Jesus will, and He has risen from the dead.

 

I think just as we don't judge the validity of mathematics by the math skills of first grade students, in a similar way, - we wouldn't be able to judge the validity of the Church by looking at those who have somehow failed in practicing what it teaches. Those who succeeded in practicing what the Church teaches, became people like St Francis of Assisi, St Catherine of Siena, St Teresa of Avila... this shows what fruits the Church teachings truly have :)

 

Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich had visions of the Church as the Body of Christ, and parts of it were very ill because of heresy etc. She really suffered at these visions but that's why we pray for the Church. Someday, it would triumph over the enemy, it would triumph in Christ... not because of the human element, but because of the divine element which can't fail. All the current failings, don't mean the Church itself has fallen apart... it is suffering, but Christ is also suffering with it, and its faithful members are suffering with Christ, in sharing in His Passion. The Church is His Body, after all, and we know in the end times, it would go through its time of trial. Our Lord went through the Passion but He rose from the dead. According to visions of Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich, when Jesus was in Gethsemane, He saw all the people who would not respond to His grace, and this is what caused Him such anguish. When we look at the Church and feel pain too, we can unite that to His.

 

As for struggling with faith... my spiritual life gets really complicated and confusing at times. What I found helpful is coming to Jesus in Adoration and trying to make myself more little and trusting before Him - telling Him that I can't increase my faith, but He can, and just surrendering that to Him. Of course we need to cooperate with our will too. Like we're often told, faith is a choice, not a feeling :) I think sometimes when things are really hard we (at least, I) tend to run away from Jesus, but it's important to trust Him and come closer to Him in these times. Otherwise, it would be too hard for us.

 

[AnneLine]

TJTM, I also just found this update... don't know how I missed it a few weeks back!

 

Have been -- and continue to -- pray for you.  Absolutely... recalling those consolations -- and trusting that in God's providence it won't always be like this --  is a very helpful thing right now... St. Ignatius is PROUD of you!!!!  

 

You have so much going on, I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T feeling a little overwhelmed and isolated from God.  But the important thing to remember is that even at those times, He is not isolated from us.  He is holding, creating, loving us into existence.  No matter what may happen, He is still the One who is the ultimate steadfast lover of our souls.

 

Feel free to PM or reach out as needed, TJTM!!!  We are here for you!!!!

 

 

[4588686]

Embrace the darkness.  

[PhuturePriest]

It's important to keep in mind that the Church is not a museum of Saints, it is a hospital for sinners. The Saints were prostitutes, thieves, alcoholics, murderers, adulterers, and anything else you can think of. That doesn't mean they weren't able to change their lives and become good people with God's help.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through such a hard time. I'll definitely pray for you. Just breathe deeply and take this one step at a time, and remember not to go about this alone.

Edited July 19, 2013 by FuturePriest387

[franciscanheart]

I can relate maybe more than I'd like to admit. Much of my faith journey has been groping around for some kind of comfort in a very dark world. I don't really have much wisdom to impart, just the solace of understanding.

Oh and: this will likely come and go. If it's anything like my experience, you will reach a new "low" in faith before you start climbing back out. And you may never make it back to where you were. But take comfort in the fact that the strongest of believers questions. He must. If he does not, what good is faith to him?

[4588686]

Follow me.  Obey me.  Love me.  I'll never let you all down.  Hasan will always accept you.  And, unlike the Church, I only ask you to tithe 7.34% of your annual income.  That's a sweet deal.