Parental Concern

[abrideofChrist]

Until final vows are pronounced, all of the time in a community is a discernment period.  I agree with the others that having some kind of savings is prudent.  In fact, one nun I talked to won't accept candidates who don't have some money set aside.  She says they are not "free" to discern while in the convent if they feel pressured to stay because they will be penniless if they leave.  Since the majority of people who enter a community leave, it is prudent for them to have savings!

[OnlySunshine]

It makes sense not to completely cut things off. Keeping a bank account open and such is prudent. You can always close them out when you make final values but will be very helpful if you end up discerning out.

At one point I was struggling about whether to finish my degree and I was advised by a priest friend to continue with my degree. So that I could be truely free to discern and not have to feel like I would no options. That way I would know if I was choosing to stay it was completely free and not because I felt like I have no other option.

 

My friend, who is now a 2nd year novice, was advised by her community to do the same thing.  She was going to school on a scholarship and wouldn't accumulate any debt so they told her to finish.  She got her degree in Theology.  It was a lifesaver for her because she left after 2 years the first time she entered because of health problems.  Her parish hired her as a Jr. High School Youth Minister (which they desperately needed).  She wouldn't have been able to get that job without a Bachelor's in Theology.  She returned to religious life last year in June and was made a novice again in July 2012.  :)

[abrideofChrist]

She wouldn't have been able to get that job without a Bachelor's in Theology.

 

Yes.  A BS or BA is the new high school diploma.  I have seen several with that degree leave religious life and sink fast because they couldn't get a job even with their credentials.  One got a whopping 7 or 8 bucks an hour job that required a degreed instructor.  Others have turned to prostitution or civil marriage because they would have been on the streets after leaving the convent with only a high school diploma to their name.

[Chiquitunga]

Yes.  A BS or BA is the new high school diploma.  I have seen several with that degree leave religious life and sink fast because they couldn't get a job even with their credentials.  One got a whopping 7 or 8 bucks an hour job that required a degreed instructor.  Others have turned to prostitution or civil marriage because they would have been on the streets after leaving the convent with only a high school diploma to their name.

 

abrideofchrist, you know women/a woman who turned to prostitution after leaving religious life because of their financial situation? How very sad!!!!

 

What do you mean by turning to civil marriage? Getting married to a man who would not get married in the Church, but because they (the women who left religious life) felt they had no other option, rather than being on the streets, they chose civil marriage (so they could be with someone who would support them financially)? I'm confused. Sorry! Is that what you mean by that?

[abrideofChrist]

abrideofchrist, you know women/a woman who turned to prostitution after leaving religious life because of their financial situation? How very sad!!!!

 

What do you mean by turning to civil marriage? Getting married to a man who would not get married in the Church, but because they (the women who left religious life) felt they had no other option, rather than being on the streets, they chose civil marriage (so they could be with someone who would support them financially)? I'm confused. Sorry! Is that what you mean by that?

 

I am glad to say I personally do not know a woman who left a convent who has turned to prostitution but I have stories on good authority from people who would have occasion to know them. It is more common in third world countries where priests often use the nuns as mistresses because they have less chance of getting an STD or AIDs. 

 

What do I mean by civil marriage?  I mean in order to escape homelessness, I have known at least one woman who had at the time recently left a convent get "married" before a JP.  She didn't realize (thanks to poor catechetics) that she was entering a public state of fornication by that action.

[nikita92]

My perspective.. priests and "nuns" fornicating with each other is so wrong on so many levels it's beyond the pale!

[abrideofChrist]

My perspective.. priests and "nuns" fornicating with each other is so wrong on so many levels it's beyond the pale!

 

This is really insulting to the good women.  Did you not read that the priests were "using" them?  Yes, rape. At least in the USA we have mostly lesser concerns like how to get those who've discerned out of a convent how to have shelter and food.  In other countries, women who have been victims often feel like they have no other choice but prostitution.

Edited June 30, 2013 by abrideofChrist

[TheresaThoma]

Back to the topic at hand, a very good bit of wisdom I was told in dealing with my mother (different circumstances but I think it still applies. Is just to have compassion. It may feel silly to put aside some money but if it gives your mother some peace of mind isn't that worth it? It may be frustrating that she is worrying about this but this shows that she deeply cares for you. It would be worse if she didn't worry.

Think of this as a dowry if you end up leaving you have it. Otherwise it will have been in a savings account (hopefully earning a bit of interest) and if you end up staying and making final vows wouldn't it be a lovely gift to the community? Who knows it might help them build a larger convent or a new mission.

So putting aside some money will give your mother peace of mind, allow you to be free to discern and if/when you make final vows you will have a lovely gift to the community.