franciscanheart Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 I've been realizing recently that there is no "moment" when life changes, when you suddenly stop getting annoyed at everything that annoys you or become a different person than you've always been. There is no freedom from the struggle, there is only the struggle. That's what life is, I think. I used to think the saints were just being pious when they talked about how imperfect they were...but they weren't, they were dead serious.TOTALLY. TOTALLY. (I know: I talk like a surfer.) I don't quite understand what you are getting at with the word authenticity. What does that mean to you, in this context? I'm curious. :)Again, I'll probably struggle to articulate, but here's what I have:To be transparent, honest, forthcoming. To be exactly who I am, exactly where I am. To speak and to listen with my experience and my beliefs and the full knowledge that humanity is limiting, messy, and uncomfortable. To not hide behind the veil of what I strive to be, but to communicate what I WANT to be in light of who I AM.To not pretend I am any more pious or holy or dedicated to my prayers (or anything else) than I actually am. To always admit when I'm wrong, acknowledge when I can't see my part, and be open to forgiveness, even when it stinks.I'm sure you catch my drift... Right, I deleted my comment.I assume nothing, I was just trying to interpret your text wall. Thank you for clarifying. :huh: What's a text wall? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chestertonian Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 The 'cliqueiness' on PM is a problem too. I'd really like to post something without feeling like I'm taking a side in a civil war. For my money, though, PM is still the best internet forum I've been a part of. I really like corresponding with a moral, intelligent people, and the vast majority of posters on here seem to be both, at least to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 :huh: What's a text wall? :secret: a wall of text. i.e. kind of what you wrote. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 :huh: What's a text wall? A ton of text Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 The 'cliqueiness' on PM is a problem too. I'd really like to post something without feeling like I'm taking a side in a civil war. For my money, though, PM is still the best internet forum I've been a part of. I really like corresponding with a moral, intelligent people, and the vast majority of posters on here seem to be both, at least to me. YES. and YES. :) p.s. i like that when husbands and wives are on phatmass together. it's fun. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 this is so hard, and something i struggle with A LOT here on phatmass - because of past interactions with other peeps, it has colored how i view them & their posts - probably unfairly to a certain extent. it causes me to shut down in any interaction with them and not treat the discussion as serious, not treat them as serious. how do i move past that? can i? i don't know - honestly. i don't know if i can move past it and i don't know know if those people can move past it. sigh. (another note: i can't think this heavily today. my brain already hurts.)The lighthearted first:The beauty of the Interwebs is that this will likely still be here tomorrow. ;) (Of course, with phatmass, you just never know...)The not-so-lighthearted:I HEAR YOU. So much. Completely relate. Because we are friends "outside" of phatmass, I know you know this. My anger, resentment, FEAR -- it eats at me sometimes. VERY badly. It has taken me YEARS to get to a point of surrender in those areas with some people (and not just on PM).This is a bit of a cross-post but, that piece you posted in the forgiveness thread? I learned that line about "help me be willing to be willing" line about five years ago. And at the time, I wouldn't even pray THAT. I had no desire to be willing to be willing to be willing. I was NOT HAVING IT. And today? Today I see some of those same people in my mind's eye and all I feel is compassion. All I see is their humanity. All I want for them is peace.None of this makes me perfect (it's plain to see I'm far from it and my friends know better than anyone how true that is) but it is such a relief. It's not been easy. But it's been worth it.And in the end, it's about no one but me. People don't change. Feelings aren't going away. Places have a way of being fairly permanent. But when my heart changes, when I open myself to the truths of life and living, the anger and resentment and fear begin to subside and I become willing to pray, "Lord, help me to be willing to be willing to be willing." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 A ton of textBut... that was barely anything. :unsure: Incoherent, maybe, but not that much... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chestertonian Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 YES. and YES. :) p.s. i like that when husbands and wives are on phatmass together. it's fun. :) I know it sounds cliche, but she's truly my better half. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 When I think about what it means to have special "Catholic" places to go and what makes my bonds with Catholic friends so special, I think past the shared faith and mutual community. There is certainly that. But I feel it's also so significant for me because I feel I can talk in a very real and special way with those people about the human part of life; I can talk to them about what it FEELS like to live and be alive in the context of our faith. I can talk about all the same things I talk about with my non-Catholic friends (everything from knitting to sexuality) but with a very different reality. Why? Because we know what's it about. We know Truth. We have the Eucharist.I hope phatmass is and remains or becomes that for people who come here. I hope it's always a place where Catholics can come and be REAL and feel love and support and know Truth. Life is too short to hide behind niceties and manners.If nothing else, PM ME. Tell ME what's really going on and we can talk about how rad it is to be human and LOVED by God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 But... that was barely anything. :unsure: Incoherent, maybe, but not that much... rofl. i heart you. (seriously though, if you didn't have paragraph breaks, and if i didn't heart you so much, i probably would not have read that much text. my mind wanders far too easily these days.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 The lighthearted first: The beauty of the Interwebs is that this will likely still be here tomorrow. ;) (Of course, with phatmass, you just never know...) The not-so-lighthearted: I HEAR YOU. So much. Completely relate. Because we are friends "outside" of phatmass, I know you know this. My anger, resentment, FEAR -- it eats at me sometimes. VERY badly. It has taken me YEARS to get to a point of surrender in those areas with some people (and not just on PM). This is a bit of a cross-post but, that piece you posted in the forgiveness thread? I learned that line about "help me be willing to be willing" line about five years ago. And at the time, I wouldn't even pray THAT. I had no desire to be willing to be willing to be willing. I was NOT HAVING IT. And today? Today I see some of those same people in my mind's eye and all I feel is compassion. All I see is their humanity. All I want for them is peace. None of this makes me perfect (it's plain to see I'm far from it and my friends know better than anyone how true that is) but it is such a relief. It's not been easy. But it's been worth it. And in the end, it's about no one but me. People don't change. Feelings aren't going away. Places have a way of being fairly permanent. But when my heart changes, when I open myself to the truths of life and living, the anger and resentment and fear begin to subside and I become willing to pray, "Lord, help me to be willing to be willing to be willing." yeah, i think that is where i am at. i mostly have no desire to be willing to be willing to be willing. (wow, that's a lot of "willing"s!) something i should work on, i'm sure, but i'm just not there yet. right now i just feel some vague sense of guilt. i heart you. :love: thanks for opening this discussion up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 yeah, i think that is where i am at. i mostly have no desire to be willing to be willing to be willing. (wow, that's a lot of "willing"s!) something i should work on, i'm sure, but i'm just not there yet. right now i just feel some vague sense of guilt. i heart you. :love: thanks for opening this discussion up.I love you, too.I never intended to get willing [to be willing to be willing]; it just happened. I think it was the result of a lot of other things. But I was only able to experience those things because I was surrounded by people who allowed me to be exactly who I am in exactly the place I am -- without fear and without judgement. Certainly I was directed in right ways and was guided in a focused and spiritual lifestyle, but I was allowed to just be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 :love: :blowkiss: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillT Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 When I think about what it means to have special "Catholic" places to go and what makes my bonds with Catholic friends so special, I think past the shared faith and mutual community. There is certainly that. But I feel it's also so significant for me because I feel I can talk in a very real and special way with those people about the human part of life; I can talk to them about what it FEELS like to live and be alive in the context of our faith. I can talk about all the same things I talk about with my non-Catholic friends (everything from knitting to sexuality) but with a very different reality. Why? Because we know what's it about. We know Truth. We have the Eucharist. I hope phatmass is and remains or becomes that for people who come here. I hope it's always a place where Catholics can come and be REAL and feel love and support and know Truth. Life is too short to hide behind niceties and manners. If nothing else, PM ME. Tell ME what's really going on and we can talk about how rad it is to be human and LOVED by God. I like this. Reminds me of when I first found Phatmass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RCIA ~ Class of 09 Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I know it sounds cliche, but she's truly my better half. :) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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