"god Only Takes The Prettiest Flowers First"

[the_rev]

Hello all,

 

Tomorrow I will be having a discussion with four protestants on the topic of theodicy.  In fact, I am the one raising the question because of a conversation I recently had with a patient (a non-denominational lady) at a hospital.  In speaking about the death of her 11 year old grandson, she told me "God only takes the prettiest flowers first?"  She did not say it once, twice, but three or more times.  It became a running comment she said, over and over again.  Each time, I found it even more unsettling.  

 

Of course in pastoral theology 101 we are told, when a parent is grieving the loss of their son or daughter, do not tell them that God needed another angel in Heaven.  That isn't consolable.  But apparently this woman took solace in the fact that God takes the prettiest flowers first.  

 

I found the statement troubling for several reasons:

 

1.  If this is something I should not say, should it not bother me that someone else is telling me this?

 

2.  What does that say about the 86 year old who died of respiratory failure?  Does that mean she wasn't a pretty flower? 

 

I know that we can never understand the question of suffering, as Rabbi Harold Kuchner puts it, "why do bad things happen to good people?"  

 

I guess, the reason why I bring this to the forum tonight in anticipation of my discussion tomorrow with my colleagues, is for this reason:  Do you find the statement troubling?  If someone said that to you about one of their loved ones, would it challenge your understanding of God? 

 

Thanks for your comments.

 

[homeschoolmom]

She would probably not want to hear it from anyone, but she may take comfort in telling herself. She is probably in a deep state of grief and it's probably her way of consoling herself with the idea that he was beautiful and perfect and young. It would do no good whatsoever to hear it from anyone else. In saying the words herself, she is probably focused on his goodness. In hearing them from others she might hear of "God's selfishness." I can't really explain what I'm trying to say. I just know that I wouldn't want to hear those words from anyone.

[the_rev]

That's where I am at with the situation.  She actually brought this up after I had prayed with her and for her other grandchildren.  I think she realized she forgot him.  And so she wanted to tell me, which indicated that she was still grieving the loss regardless of how much time has passed.  

 

I recognize that she must take comfort in it, or she says it over and over to convince herself of it.  What was evident from my conversation was she had a great faith, love, trust, and submissiveness to God.  As she said, God owns her heart. 

[let_go_let_God]

This past year we lost the parent of one of my students. After a lengthy discussion with many of them they helped me see grieving in a whole new way. What we came to consensus about was that we grieve not only because they are gone, but there is an absence of the goodness in our lives which that person brought.I don't know how long it's been since her grandson passed, but she is recognizing the dignity and beauty that her grandson has. She is also mourning the loss of who he may have become, the graces and gifts he would have had, and the future goodness he would have brought into the world. Perhaps calling him a pretty flower is her way of verbalizing that loss and allowing her to come to cope with the effects of his loss on others.

 

God bless-

LGLG

[Luigi]

The grandmother's statement bothers me, largely because it presumes that God has a predetermined hierarchy of whom he will "take" next, and I don't think that's the way God operates. So I would say that, theologically, it's an incorrect statement. 

 

But then, this grandmother is not a theologian - she's a grandmother - she's just plain folks. So I take her statement as a nugget of "folk theology." It's what she tell herself now to accept God will. 

 

At some point in the future, she may be ready to hear and accept a more theologically accurate understanding (and I have no idea what that would be), but apparently not now. 

[southern california guy]

I like that saying!  If it is true then I should live a loooooooong life!!! :evil:  

 

"Only the good die young!" 

[Lil Red]

if anyone said this to me, i would have hurt them.