Turning Down Charity

[CatholicCid]

I have been internally conflicted with a matter for the past few weeks and was hoping to hear some other opinions on the matter. (And, I know we have many various opinions on here :hehe2: )

 

I am in a position where I am often offered very charitable acts, which are given by people who are doing it with the best intentions. And, in this position, it could be seen as very rude to turn down such charity because it is being offered due to the position I am in and not who I am. I generally have trouble accepting such charity because, to me, it seems unnecessary and I am one who strongly believes in providing for oneself. But, I try to take it as a chance to grow in humility and accept the charity.

 

Though I have been addressing the issue as described above, Pope Francis' recent actions of paying for his own hotel bill has increased my internal conflictions. It is reported that he said he was doing so as an example to priests and bishops (and, presumably, those working with the Church).

 

So, to clarify a little more, the position I am in is related to the Church as well. So, when someone offers such a charitable act, I feel that I can't refuse (as much as I want to) because, as once described to me, the act is being done as a way to give back to the Church and not, in anyway, for me. But, given Pope Francis' example, I feel that I should actually refuse such charity. So, how do I kindly reject someone else's charity?

 

An example scenario: You are financially well off. You see a priest at a restuarant. You tell the waitress that you will cover his tab. You see this as a way to offer thanks and praise to God for all that He has given you. The waitress mentions it to the priest when he goes to pay the bill and she points you out. The priest, in turn, comes to you and refuses your charitable act. In what way could he state it so that you would not be upset?

[Basilisa Marie]

Accepting charity is a way for ourselves to grow in virtue and to allow others an opportunity to grow in virtue.  It's basically someone generously supply our needs.  I think the difference with popes and bishops is that receiving charity isn't really charity, it's special treatment which has become commonplace for them.  It's not really an act of humility for them to accept gifts that fill their needs, because that's normal.  For us, it's normal for us to provide for our own needs.  So for bishops and popes it's more of an act of humility to pay their own way, while for us it's more of an act of humility to allow others to provide for us.  

 

I think you might fall somewhere in the middle.  Maybe what you can do is accept most of the charitable gifts (be they money, time, goods, etc), and then make sure you are donating your gifts to charity as well.  Pay it forward, in a way.  

[jazzytakara]

That would be a difficult response to make. In cases where the act of charity is needed, than accepting it in humility would seem appropriate; I often feel prideful and turn down help when I genuinely need it However, in cases where the act of charity is not necessary, I usually thank the person for their kindness and politely decline. Another suggestion could be to offer that rather than contribute the charity directly towards you, to contribute it to a charitable organization or to someone in greater need on your behalf; this way you are not necessarily rejecting their gift, but you are not gaining more than you need from them and someone of greater need could gain aid. 

 

To use your example:

 

The priest could approach the individual and thank them for their kindness, yet decline the offer. Or, the priest could state that they would prefer the money go towards someone who may not be able to afford a meal on their own. Another think the theoretical priest could do is pay for the individual's meal in return, thus causing a return act of generosity. Or if the priest would rather avoid a misunderstanding from the individual, the priest could privately pay the charity forward and help another individual in an equivalent way.

 

In regards to Pope Francis paying for his own bill, I think this is more of an example of contributing to something he used by his own means (as he was able to afford the room by himself), rather than take the money from another person/organization that could do more good elsewhere to someone who does not have the means them self.

 

Ultimately, I think an act of charity shouldn't really be declined unless it absolutely isn't necessary. Sometimes accepting the gifts or charity of others is okay once in awhile. We should never expect our way to be paid by others as charity all of the time, but once in awhile, accepting a kind gesture from another is okay.

 

If you really feel like you must decline the offer, perhaps stating that although you are grateful for their generosity, you feel that the charity is more than you could rightfully accept? 

 

I don't know the situation, but pray about. You will find a way that is right for you, just ask God for guidance. 

 

[HisChildForever]

 

An example scenario: You are financially well off. You see a priest at a restuarant. You tell the waitress that you will cover his tab. You see this as a way to offer thanks and praise to God for all that He has given you. The waitress mentions it to the priest when he goes to pay the bill and she points you out. The priest, in turn, comes to you and refuses your charitable act. In what way could he state it so that you would not be upset?

 

Maybe he planned to use a gift card or a parishioner treated him to the meal (in other words, insisted that he take some time to himself and enjoy a quiet dinner alone).

[Lilllabettt]

 Or if the priest would rather avoid a misunderstanding from the individual, the priest could privately pay the charity forward and help another individual in an equivalent way.

 

Back in the old days:

 

An assistant pastor made house calls to the people in his parish. The people would often press a little something into his hands "for your special intention Father."  The pastor insisted that whatever money he or his assistant came by this way should be promptly turned over to the parish. He reasoned that they would never receive it except for their position with  the church.

..................................

 

So I think that is something you could do, when it makes sense. If someone buys you a meal on account of your position, quietly pass on the money you saved to the church. But if a friend wants to buy you a meal, just because you are friends, don't worry about it! And if someone donates office supplies, I wouldn't be scrupulous about taking that either, if it will be put to use for the church.

[Gabriela]

I just want to say that this is the first time I have seen someone not just talk about the example of our Holy Father, but actually practically apply it to their own life. Regardless of what you do, I find it inspiring and edifying that you are taking our Holy Father's example to heart.