Advice And/or Prayers Please

[ChristinaTherese]

So, I have a slight familial problem. I assume that there are other converts on here who can relate.

 

My parents have been in the habit of taking my (Mennonite) grandmother, who lives about an hour and a quarter away from us, to church every other Sunday. My mom asked yesterday if I'd be okay with going, and to minimize strife and give myself time to think without doing anything stupid like I did last time. Which means that I went to Mass last night and a Protestant church service with my parents and grandmother today. However, I don't think this is wise to do every other Sunday. There is a point to going to show my grandmother that I still love and respect and honor her. I have gone for this reason before. However, there is an extent to which attendance at a church with which I do not agree (and which makes me rather annoyed and maybe a bit un-map-ified (I think there's a word... but I don't remember it at the moment), but we'll ignore that) propagates the untrue idea that I actually agree with them. Which, as previously stated, is untrue. My mother will say, if I say this, that my grandmother is old (I think she's 90) and worried that Daniel (my brother) and I are Catholic and we don't want to upset her too much, now do we? (That last bit was supposed to be in my mom's voice.) My dad will be annoyed and just ticked that I'm pointing out that he has been living a lie for the last decade, since he's been going to church every Sunday and doesn't even believe in God. (Okay, that's my guess. Except for the bit about him being an atheist, which my brother told me and I believe.)

 

Now, my question is this: Given the state of a) not wanting to propagate a lie about myself, b) maybe not wanting to create a giant familial hullabaloo unless that's the only option, and c) the stated dynamics of my parents, what do you guys think is the best approach? What would/have you do/done in my situation?

 

And please, whether or not you have any advice, pray for me.

 

(Oh, and by the way, I'm going to talk to my brother and possibly a priest about this too, not just asking you guys. I just wanted to see what you think.)

[Nihil Obstat]

Obviously I will not be able to understand your own personal situation, so my own reactions may not apply well.

That said, if I were dealing with something along these lines, I would absolutely not make a habit out of attending Protestant services, even if I were still fitting in a proper Mass. All around I think it is simply a bad idea for a Catholic to go to Protestant services with anything approaching regularity, like every other week, even every month. 

If it were an occasional thing, for instance if I visited someone around the Christmas holidays who had a custom of going to some Protestant service, that is one thing. It is not objectively wrong to simply be present at a Protestant service, provided one does not participate in any form. It is the element of regularity that would very much concern me. I think in an implicit manner it would promote religious indifference, and does not bear witness to the unique Truth that is the Catholic Church.

 

If I might ask, how old are you and your brother?

In the past, when I was 15, 16, 17, it was hard for me to take control of my own faith, because I was highly dependent on my parents for transportation and planning and whatnot. At the time my parents were 'sort of' practicing, so mostly it worked out, and in some ways it did not. I got to Mass most Sundays, but if they made plans that conflicted with Mass, I was more or less out of luck.

But, I became an adult, I learned to drive, and perhaps more importantly but less quantifiable, I gained some confidence, and that is what allowed me to take responsibility for my own faith. Now I make my own plans, and if some family thing conflicts with Mass, Mass comes first. There is no argument about it anymore, because that is simply how it is, and that is something on which I do not compromise.

 

Sometimes this kind of thing is not easy. As Catholics we have a heavy responsibility to show the Truth of the Church through our actions. Sometimes that is all we are able to do. The rest of my family decisively does not practice anymore, and living my faith is all I am able to do.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I'm a convert too... :) though I never had to face this situation... but I can understand - dealing with these differences with your family etc. I spoke to my priest about attending non Catholic services, he basically said only go if I have no choice in the matter (avoid going if I have a choice) and if I find myself there, don't participate in anything, and just watch. Basically what I was told is - not to attend the services. I read a similar thing in an article written by a priest: when we participate in non Catholic worship, it's like we're saying through our actions that we agree. Attending and not confusing, I think could be confusing or putting ourselves in situations where we're listening to sermons that aren't Catholic doctrine etc. Maybe the response might differ depending on the priest, - the priest who told me this is quite traditional/orthodox, and it goes together with other things I read. Regarding specific circumstances and situations: that's maybe something to discuss with a good priest :) like what to do with your family, what to say, etc...

 

If I were in this situation, I wouldn't start attending the Protestant church. I think it might be wise to not argue with your family, if they say anything, just leave it till their calmer. I think you can still show your grandma that you love and care about her, in other ways :) it doesn't have to be going to church with her. I wouldn't get into arguments etc with your parents though.. it can just make them more upset and make the situation worse.

 

I wish I had more advice! sorry...

[MarysLittleFlower]

By the way, you might be interested in the green scapular devotion for your grandma :) I believe it helped my grandma to begin believing in God. :)

Edited June 10, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower

[ChristinaTherese]

Nihil, I'm 19 (I will be a junior in college next year) and my brother is 21 (as of today, and just getting settled fresh out of college and getting a job and stuff on the other side of the country). I'm able to make my way to Mass and all on my own, it's just that Sunday afternoons are also spent with Grandma and since she lives a while away I have to tag along somewhat.

 

MLF, I dropped a green scapular in her room a while back. ;)

 

I think I'll just tell Mom that I shan't attend Grandma's church, but I'd be glad to go and just go for a nice walk during the service. (It's out in the country. :love:) I'll have to do that sometime in the next two weeks. Please pray for me to have wisdom and grace and gentleness and whatever all helpful virtues.