Discernment Curveball- Looking For Support

[lilyamongthorns]

Hey all! Still pretty new to this place, but I ran into one of my first big discernment obstacles and figured this would be a good place to go for some support! I've been discerning a vocation to the religious life off and on over the past two years. Earlier this year, I felt that my discernment process really matured and I knew that I had to dive into seeing if this was the right fit. I've had plenty of moments where I felt very confident in my vocation.  I've been head over heels in love with God and was told that I light up whenever I talk about religious life. It has definitely grown to be a desire of my heart. I'm going on a discernment retreat with the community I've been attracted to in September and I absolutely cannot wait!

 

But...in the past couple of days I feel like a curveball has been thrown into my discernment thanks to talking to a guy friend after it's been awhile. He was someone that I had met at the end of last year, in a way that was very apparent that God had His hand in our meeting. We had a lot of amesome, spiritual experiences together, and he became someone that I cared really deeply about. For a while it looked like we were on our way to becoming more than just friends, which would've been my first actual relationship, but we eventually came to a mutual understanding that it wasn't going to work out between us. Once that happened, that's when the idea of religious life came back into my mind and I was so happy! I felt free and joyful! However, every time I would see this friend, I noticed that I would start to make myself appear too busy to talk and we kind of drifted. I was thinking about him recently, and he ended up calling me the other night and we talked on the phone for a couple of hours. Almost all our conversation was focused on the Lord and it was amesome. But then he would keep asking me why I was avoiding him all semester, and I eventually caved and gave what probably was the reason why: that I was afraid that those feelings I had for him would come back and distract me from my discernment to the religious life. 

 

After I got off the phone with him I was very conflicted to the point of tears. I was so ready to continue to take the next steps in my discernment process. I was satisfied with giving myself completely to the Lord. I was satisfied with the idea of having many spiritual children. I didn't feel like a dating relationship was something that I wanted, because I started to have so much anxiety the moment that one looked plausible. I don't feel like I have that desire to be attached to one person, except to God. 

 

But, I can't seem to shake all that happened with this friend of mine. He made a huge impact on my life, from the moment I met him. He is someone who challenges me and helps me strive for holiness. We both know there was something special there between us. I wish I could just let go of it all and just continue on my merry way, but I don't know if God wants me to let go of him. The guy told me that if it's my desire to become a religious, then I am free to make that choice and I shouldn't let anybody hold me down. I wish it was so much easier to do that. Ugh. :( I feel like I'm so stuck right now in my discernment, especially waiting around until the retreat comes in September. I wish I had a spiritual director, but things fell through with the one I thought I had. I guess right now I'm really just looking for some love and support, and wondering what anyone else may have done if they've been in a similar situation during their discernment process.  

 

Sorry for being lengthy haha but had to get feelings out :) Thanks!

 

[OnlySunshine]

Welcome!  :)

 

After reading through your post, something jumped out at me - that you made a mutual agreement that it wouldn't work out between you two.  If you both were clear about that then you really should move on.  I don't think you should stop being friends with him because God could have lead you to him to help you increase in holiness.  It's obvious this young man cares about your discernment because he doesn't want anyone to stand in your way. 

 

I know what it's like not having a spiritual director.  I had one back in 2009 but he left me more confused than when I didn't see him so I broke it off.  But I've been searching for one ever since.  Do you have any religious communities in your diocese of Sisters or other religious?  A spiritual director doesn't have to be a priest - it can be a Sister, Brother, Consecrated Virgin, Hermit, or lay person of your choosing.

 

I really think that you should continue in your discernment.  Don't let this one problem hold you back.  Pray about it and move forward.  Prayers!

[Gabriela]

Welcome to PM, Lily.

 

Short and to the point: Discernment and dating do not mix. Period. If you really want to know what you're called to, and you have the slightest inkling it might be religious life, then thoroughly check that out first. If you rule it out, your future marriage will be that much stronger. If you skip it, you will always wonder—especially when things with the hubby get rough.

 

Don't regret. Discern first.

[lilyamongthorns]

Welcome!  :)

 

After reading through your post, something jumped out at me - that you made a mutual agreement that it wouldn't work out between you two.  If you both were clear about that then you really should move on.  I don't think you should stop being friends with him because God could have lead you to him to help you increase in holiness.  It's obvious this young man cares about your discernment because he doesn't want anyone to stand in your way. 

 

I know what it's like not having a spiritual director.  I had one back in 2009 but he left me more confused than when I didn't see him so I broke it off.  But I've been searching for one ever since.  Do you have any religious communities in your diocese of Sisters or other religious?  A spiritual director doesn't have to be a priest - it can be a Sister, Brother, Consecrated Virgin, Hermit, or lay person of your choosing.

 

I really think that you should continue in your discernment.  Don't let this one problem hold you back.  Pray about it and move forward.  Prayers!

 

I mean I do kind of remember that I fought the decision a lot at first because it was very sudden, but eventually came to peace with it. I guess I do have to keep reminding myself of that peace. I think the priesthood hood may have come on his radar again, so for both good and selfish reasons I hope it is ;) I know we have the capacity of being good friends, I just wish I didn't have to make it so complicated!

 

We have Friars at school so I asked one of the brothers to help me find one and after a long search, I was matched up with one of the local sisters. But then something changed and the Mother Superior of the community never got back to me! So I'm praying that something else will work out. Thankfully, I'm volunteering at a retreat house this summer run by the Sisters of St. Joseph and there's spiritual directors in abundance around here, so I should be able to set something up. Thank you for the prayers and encouragement to move forward!

[lilyamongthorns]

Welcome to PM, Lily.

 

Short and to the point: Discernment and dating do not mix. Period. If you really want to know what you're called to, and you have the slightest inkling it might be religious life, then thoroughly check that out first. If you rule it out, your future marriage will be that much stronger. If you skip it, you will always wonder—especially when things with the hubby get rough.

 

Don't regret. Discern first.

This is awesome. Thank you!