franciscanheart Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Start avoiding him again. You have no social or moral obligation to spend time with someone who makes you uncomfortable.If you are feeling gutsy enough then you can straight up tell him that you want him to back off. But just avoiding him is entirely acceptable....and if he still won't leave you alone, and sends you messages and asks his friends to contact you, and tells you that it's your Christian duty to hear him out, just remember this and smile smugly to yourself. Or something like that.And even after that, when he still doesn't get it / doesn't take a hint / doesn't retreat -- when he seeks you out incessantly and won't leave you alone and keeps trying to prove to you (and everyone else) what a great guy he is and how deserving of a chance he is -- remember this and smile smugly to yourself.Or something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 pepper spray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 pepper spray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4588686 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 pepper spray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 geez Hasan, heard ya the first time :| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 ...and if he still won't leave you alone, and sends you messages and asks his friends to contact you, and tells you that it's your Christian duty to hear him out, just remember this and smile smugly to yourself. Or something like that. And even after that, when he still doesn't get it / doesn't take a hint / doesn't retreat -- when he seeks you out incessantly and won't leave you alone and keeps trying to prove to you (and everyone else) what a great guy he is and how deserving of a chance he is -- remember this and smile smugly to yourself. Or something like that. That was completely uncalled for. Please stop attacking my character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I don't want to be rude.. But I don't think that is flirting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Honestly, I can't see anything there that definitely says he is pursuing you, definitely not to the extent that you need to be straight out "I don't want to be with you". I treat my friends the way you describe, and I have no romantic intentions towards them. If you want to be his friend, be his friend. Simple as. If he makes an advance, like asking you out, then be clear. But nothing you have said seems indicative of aggressive pursuit. TL:DR - Just chill out. I agree 100% with this. I click really well with a fellow intern, we goof around when not involved in our responsibilities and there's absolutely zero romantic intentions on both sides. You can have that type of relationship with the opposite sex (or the same sex if he/she's gay) without the threat of romanticism. Someone being especially friendly with you doesn't automatically mean he/she's interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister Marie Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I agree 100% with this. I click really well with a fellow intern, we goof around when not involved in our responsibilities and there's absolutely zero romantic intentions on both sides. You can have that type of relationship with the opposite sex (or the same sex if he/she's gay) without the threat of romanticism. Someone being especially friendly with you doesn't automatically mean he/she's interested. I agree too. I just wanted to add on that if you are discerning, developing good friendships with men and women is integral to your personal formation. Whether you are married, single, or a religious you will have to navigate relationships with members of the opposite sex. Learning to do this is part of normal human development and is necessary to personal holiness in every walk of life. From a religious life perspective, healthy, chaste, holy relationships with the opposite sex are really important to have before you enter religious life, if that is what you are discerning. Entering religious life has to be a free choice and anytime there is any fear, freedom is diminished. Caution is different and good, but fear gives too much power to something unknown. I am sensing, possibly incorrectly, that you have some fear of this relationship turning into something more. I apologize in advance if I'm reading something into what you have written that isn't there. It seems to me that this friendship is just that - a friendship (at least according to what you've shared about it. There's nothing that seems overly romantic to me.) Could it be that God has placed this man in your life for a reason? Maybe to teach you how to have a life-giving, holy relationship with a man to prepare you for whatever it is that He has planned for you for the future?? I do have a story behind this but I'm not sure I want to publicly post it. If you want to talk more about it please feel free to PM me. I'll be praying for you! SM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XIX Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) I wouldn't straight up tell him that you aren't interested in a relationship, that would be a lot more awkward than necessary. I'll just reiterate what most people have said. If you've already mentioned in conversation that you are discerning the religious life, then you're fine. If not, then bring it up. That's more than enough. If he still asks you out, then mention than you are not interested in dating, that you see him as a friend but only as a friend. Re-iterate that your discernment precludes dating. Don't worry too much about hurting his feelings. Being clear with him is more important, and at that point, he's most likely expecting to get "no" for an answer anyway. If you enjoy his friendship, then go ahead and be friends with him. If he makes you feel uncomfortable, then avoid him. Simples. If you enjoy his friendship but you learn that he has a crush on you, then it may be best to put some distance between the two of you--but I wouldn't sever the friendship completely because over. Edited June 1, 2013 by XIX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 That was completely uncalled for. Please stop attacking my character. Can it really be considered attacking your character if I'm just pointing out the obvious irony of statements on an Internet phorum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleWaySoul Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 You fools have taken all of my props. I shall expect to truly regret this later, as I can definitely see there being really good posts later that I'll attempt to prop in vain. THIS THREAD TOOK ALL MY PROPS. I AGREE 100% WITH THIS STATEMENT ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) Can it really be considered attacking your character if I'm just pointing out the obvious irony of statements on an Internet phorum? Your so-called 'obvious irony' should stay between you and God. Leave me out of it. I am sick of your incessant attempts to mock and provoke me. If you cannot be decent, if you cannot treat me with a basic modicum of respect, then please just leave me alone. But as always, should you wish to 'mend fences', I am only a message away. Edited June 1, 2013 by Nihil Obstat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Sorry to derail your thread, Annie. Good luck sorting out this situation. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLordsSouljah Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Annie, I literally just came out of the situation you are in. Nice guy, had the looks and the car and whatever, but I just didn't like him. And he wouldn't take a hint (no matter how blatantly obvious). I ended up getting sick of it, because I don't like the guy, besides feeling called to religious life anyway (not that this matters in your case), and also for his sake, that he could better spend his time looking for someone else. Sounds cruel, but I had to do it over text, because I probably would have accidentally said something that could have been taken the wrong way. This was pretty much the message: ''Hey N., I have been doing some thinking and I want to be completely open and upfront with you. I am feeling like you may be seeking more than a friendship with me. I could be wrong, but I just feel that way. You are a great guy, though I just have no romantic interest in you. So I hope it's okay if we are just friends. God bless, N.'' Was super hard, but it's also better for him. It's actually charitable to tell him no because the time he is spending chasing you he could be with his future wife. Go do it and be over with it. God bless darling!!! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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