Annie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I'm at a loss of what to do about a young man who is relentless in perusing me. I tried to avoid him but then I felt as though I was being mean so I gave up avoiding him. I'm not interested because for the time being I would like to focus on my relationship with Christ (and also for other reasons which I'm not keen on sharing). Now, I am fine being friends with him but I don't want to be anymore than that. How do I get him to understand this without being unchristian about it? I have never been in this situation before. Please help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I'm at a loss of what to do about a young man who is relentless in perusing me. I tried to avoid him but then I felt as though I was being mean so I gave up avoiding him. I'm not interested because for the time being I would like to focus on my relationship with Christ (and also for other reasons which I'm not keen on sharing). Now, I am fine being friends with him but I don't want to be anymore than that. How do I get him to understand this without being unchristian about it? I have never been in this situation before. Please help! The solution? Stop treating him like a woman. Women pick up hints better than guys do. If you want to tell him that you aren't interested, tell him that. Don't try to give out hints, just say "I really value your friendship, and I want to continue it, but right now I'm discerning, and I'm not interested in dating." That lets him know to stop, and it doesn't make him feel terrible. Done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) really? Guys don't get hurt by that? Also, i don't want to be presumptuous. What if he isn't perusing me and I'm reading him wrong?!?! Edited May 31, 2013 by Annie12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 really? Guys don't get hurt by that? He might be disappointed, and he might be a little hurt. But the wording is key. "I'm discerning right now" lets him know that you're not interested because you are discerning, not because you find him repulsive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Also, i don't want to be presumptuous. What if he isn't perusing me and I'm reading him wrong?!?! I added this too. sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) What do you mean by "relentless"? What exactly is he doing to "pursue" you? Edit: I'm not saying this to doubt you, it's just background. Edited May 31, 2013 by EmilyAnn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I added this too. sorry Then that's okay. I once thought a friend was really into me, and it turns out she wasn't. We laugh about it now, and it wasn't a big deal. If you two truly are friends, something like this won't be a problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 What do you mean by "relentless"? What exactly is he doing to "pursue" you? Edit: I'm not saying this to doubt you, it's just background. Well, we were just "small talk" kind of friends but then out of the blue he decided to sit next to me one day and talk with me for 2 hours. Now, I wasn't going to run away mainly because I thought that was rude. But, I also didn't get that he my have been interested in me until afterward. He just pay more attention to me that everyone else and he starts conversations with me a lot.He also calls me by my nickname. My intuition is saying that he likes me... and a lot. I never treated him better than everyone else. I treat him with the kind of general respect I treat everyone else with. But, since I'm so nice to him I think he may think I am interested in him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Well, we were just "small talk" kind of friends but then out of the blue he decided to sit next to me one day and talk with me for 2 hours. Now, I wasn't going to run away mainly because I thought that was rude. But, I also didn't get that he my have been interested in me until afterward. He just pay more attention to me that everyone else and he starts conversations with me a lot.He also calls me by my nickname. My intuition is saying that he likes me... and a lot. I never treated him better than everyone else. I treat him with the kind of general respect I treat everyone else with. But, since I'm so nice to him I think he may think I am interested in him. Then tell him you're not. It's better to let him know now than to let him think you are interested in him for a long time and making him feel terrible when you say you aren't. It's better to just be clear about these things. If you want to go about it in a different way, the next time you talk, talk about your discernment and about how much you want to be a Sister. That's pretty straightforward and will let him know not to waste his time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicsAreKewl Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Well, we were just "small talk" kind of friends but then out of the blue he decided to sit next to me one day and talk with me for 2 hours. Now, I wasn't going to run away mainly because I thought that was rude. But, I also didn't get that he my have been interested in me until afterward. He just pay more attention to me that everyone else and he starts conversations with me a lot.He also calls me by my nickname. My intuition is saying that he likes me... and a lot. I never treated him better than everyone else. I treat him with the kind of general respect I treat everyone else with. But, since I'm so nice to him I think he may think I am interested in him. Better to tell him than to inadvertently lead him on. Be nice about it, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 what would happen if I changed my facebook status to "in a relationship"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) what would happen if I changed my facebook status to "in a relationship"? If the idea is to make him think you are in a relationship when you are not, don't. That's about the scummiest thing you can do. Stop trying to run away from the problem and just face it. It's not a big deal. If he does like you, his life won't end. If it does, he's overly dramatic and he should work on that. That's his problem, not yours. If he doesn't like you, then you'll laugh about it and go on. If not, then he's again overly dramatic and that's his problem. Edited May 31, 2013 by FuturePriest387 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 If someone is perusing you, it's pretty clear cut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 If the idea is to make him think you are in a relationship when you are not, don't. That's about the scummiest thing you can do. Stop trying to run away from the problem and just face it. It's not a big deal. If he does like you, his life won't end. If it does, he's overly dramatic and he should work on that. That's his problem, not yours. If he doesn't like you, then you'll laugh about it and go on. If not, then he's again overly dramatic and that's his problem. I agree with you here. I didn't mean to say that I would lie to him. If I said I was in a relationship I mean with Christ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I agree with you here. I didn't mean to say that I would lie to him. If I said I was in a relationship I mean with Christ. I think that would do more harm than good. Either tell him you're not interested because you are discerning, or talking about discerning and how great it is. Keep it simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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