My Brave Father

[Quietfire]

Back in January I posted in the prayer room for my dad.  His cancer was brutal and I asked that although I knew the cancer would eventually take him, everyone who could to please pray for his passing to be gentle and with dignity.

 

My brave father passed away peacefully on March 14, 2013.  He was able to be in his own home and I had the greastest honor to spent the last five weeks of his life with him.  We talked, laughed and watched tv together.  He finally got his chocolate shake that he had been waiting 12 weeks for and pretty much anything else his little heart desired.

 

I set up a memorial site for him on forevermissed.com and spent quite some time working on it. 

I ended up returning home because there was such a long wait before he was to be cremated and we were told it could take three weeks before he would be returned to us. I had to arrange his entire memorial from NY and then fly down for the memorial and inurnment...then had our flight cancelled due to the sequesting....then have my wonderful husband call the airline and gently explain to them that they were, for lack of a better word, killing me...so they got us on the flight leaving the next day and when we called the place that was holding his remains they informed us they would be closed an hour before we arrived.  Again...my husband stepped in and saved the day although I dont think he was quite as diplomatic with them as with the airline but they waited for us to arrive. 

 

So I brought Dad home a second time to spend his last night in his house, We lit some candles and put all the framed pictures of him I had brought down with us around his urn with his flag and dog tags and on top of his urn I placed his mass cards that I ordered online.  The front of the Mass card has a picture that he had taken several years ago and on the back a photo of him with a beautiful poem.

 

   

I had to close up his house and donate all his stuff to the Church because carting it 1500 miles wasnt an option.  Besides, none of it was important.

He got 2 memorial Masses.  One in Florida and a second in NY when I got home.

 

He was inurned at the South Florida National Cemetary on April 24.

 

My father was an Atomic veteran.  He witnessed 3 atomic "tests" in the Pacific proving grounds in the 1950's and was exposed to radiation as a result along with thousands of other military and civilian 'volunteers'.

He was the father of four, grandfather of three and brother to 5 siblings.

He was an artist, and quite the chef. He loved the beach and made it a contest with me over who made a better pot of pasta sauce. 

He loved his Ford thunderbirds.  He had owned a 67 and a 79 Town Landau that the Ford Motor Company made for him.  I have the little plaque to prove it.

His last car was a Mercedes Benz. 

He loved it too. (although I didnt LOL)

 

Although a Florida transplant, he loved the NY Jets and he and my husband (another Jets fan) were constantly on the phone during football season either praising (short lived) or cursing them!

 

Dad has been gone a little over two months and I still find myself either picking up the phone to call him or waiting for the phone to ring with his voice on the other end.

 

They say I have to give it time...

 

it still hurts too much.

I miss him.

 

 

Thanks for lettling me share.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 27, 2013 by Quietfire

[HisChildForever]

Thank you for sharing - God bless you and your dad, who's clearly looking down on you with a smile.  :saint: 

[Lil Red]

Oh I just wish I could hug you. My mom also died on March 14, two years earlier than your dad. I hope she was interceding for him and welcomed him to heaven. While in my experience the pain never goes away completely, the sharp sting of grief will lessen. You know how to reach me if you need to. Lots of loves :love:

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praise God that you were able to spend time with him before his death. Thank you for sharing.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you got to spend time with him before he passed away. Prayers for him, and for you :)

[AnneLine]

Thank you for sharing the beautiful tribute to your father.

 

You are in my prayers in a special way.  

 

For many people, a few months after a death is the most painful time in grieving.  It all can kind of hit at that point.

 

As some of you know, I do grief counseling, and I heard a story of one woman who had been a smoke jumper (the people who leap into forest fires to fight them) who compared acute grief with an experience she had of having to stay on the ground as a forest fire passed over her.   She said that while they had been trained in the technique and knew they would be protected, the experience of covering herself in fireproof material and letting the fire pass over her was horrible. 

 

She then went on to say that the pain of grief felt like that experience relived.  She also said that it helped her because it reminded her that painful as going through that horrible fire was, and strong as the memory of living through it was and always will be for her.... it wasn't forever. She said it helped her to realize that it was OK to feel what she was feeling, and yet still know it would get better.

 

Whatever we can do to help you through your firestorm, we are happy to do for you.   Reach out if you need it....

 

 

Edited May 29, 2013 by AnneLine

[franciscanheart]

:heart:

[Quietfire]

Hey Pham,

I got a little email from dUst about the phorum being faster and that I was missed.  I laughed cause I had been trying to log on for months and to no avail.

Today I didnt have a problem.

I dont know if it was the site or me.

 

Dad's been gone 6 months now and I still think it's him when the phone rings at certain times.  There were days I had mini panic attacks cause I hadnt talked to him in a few days only to realize that it wouldnt be him on the phone to chew my rear out.

 

Sad to say, I still have his cell phone and I listen to his answering service message to hear his voice, and I saved his last text to me.

We would argue over who loves who more...his last text was..

 

"I love you so much more"

 

My husband tried to help by taking every darned picture I had of my dad and putting them on display around the house.

That didnt work.

It felt like a funeral parlour.

So I removed most of them and kept one from his high school graduation and one more recent.

 

I spent a bit of time on his memorial website, especially on my next to last vacation.  It's theraputic for me. But it worried my hubby, so on our most recent vacation he decided to surprise me by taking me skydiving.   

He wanted me to spend a few minutes not thinking about my dad.

 

Shyeah,  you spend 15 minutes screaming your bloody head off (and laughing)

It was a blast.

I want to get certified now..LOL, my plan next summer.

 

Anyway, I realized that I had mentioned my dad's memorial website at forevermissed but failed to mention how to find it.

without giving the entire address...if anyone wished to visit it just go and look up the name marullo. 

You may need to give an email address to enter but it's safe there and the only person who will see the email address is me, and I dont spam.

 

Thanks to all for your warm wishes and condolences.

I appreciate it so very much.

 

 

[AnneLine]

Thank you for the update, Quietfire!!!!

 

I think all you and your husband are doing are beautiful -- working together, giving tribute to your dad, honoring yourself, the works.

 

Totally normal to want (and sometimes NOT want) to have the phone ring because he would have been on the other end.   And I am so glad you have that last message that you can listen to!

 

My mom passed away the May before the LomaPrieta earthquake in San Francisco.  I grieved that I didn't have her voice on anything.   After the earthquake, many electronics got all mucked up because of the power surges.  My answering machine was totally fried but its last gasp was to speak out a few old messages that were buried in its gullet before it stopped working entirely... the last one was an inconsequential message from my mother.  I couldn't save it... but I could hear her voice one last time.   I'd forgotten that until you mentioned that.   It was hard... but it was wonderful, too....

 

Still praying for you.  First year (and first set of holidays and other anniversaries) is the toughest, but you have already started the work of figuring out how to keep him in your life in healthy ways while still making sure you get what you need.  WAY TO GO!!!

 

Still praying for you, and it is GOOD to see you back -- and dUSt has done a wonderful job of getting the phorum to work right again!   Thank you, dUSt!!!!

Edited September 18, 2013 by AnneLine

[Lil Red]

so glad to hear about you, and all that your husband is doing to help. :love: my dad still has the original answering message on their machine with him & my mom. i hurt a little bit every time i hear it, but i do so love to hear her voice. you're not alone, in so many ways. :love: keep us updated, and stick around. 

[Lil Red]

p.s. thank you for sharing the memorial site. beautiful photos, and tribute to your father. 

[Quietfire]

Thanks Red,
He was a real PITA, but he was MY PITA.

[Comingback]

I am so sorry.  Thank you for sharing with us.  You will be in my prayers.