Help! Crippling Discernment Anxiety.

[maximillion]

Hi, I echo what others have said, and I am pleased you are more at peace as a result.

 

My personal suspicion is that these thoughts/feelings are directly related to the OCD since your posts remind me so much of people I know who ruminate on decisions and consider every aspect of each of them in scrupulous detail - and who also have OCD.

 

I would also add that it is more than possible to live a simple life and be in the world.

 

I do it every day!

 

My prayers that you stay close to Him....that's all you really need to do, the rest will follow.

[inperpetuity]

I'm not a spiritual director or a therapist, but I would say the best thing to do is to find someone who is qualified in directing people in matters of the spiritual life who you believe you can talk to easily and then follow their advice.  Keep it simple, you have plenty of time, and when the time comes to know, you will have peace.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you all so much! I have calmed down a bit and honestly feel a ton better after reading your replies. My anxiety is definitely not gone, but it's lessened. In response to a couple points...

 

The aspects of religious life that appeal to me are the simplicity of it, that it's a surer path to heaven, and that in some ways, I feel the only worthwhile work is that which will last after our earthly lives--work that will bring souls to heaven. However, I think I have probably romanticized religious life to some extent, and you can certainly do work to bring souls to heaven outside of religious life. I do think it is beautiful to be 100% devoted to Christ in religious life, and I feel a bit "lesser" that I would prefer to have a husband and children rather than belong to Christ alone, but I may just be misunderstanding the vocation of marriage.

 

I think in some ways this worry is harming my relationship with God, too. Every time I have a good experience in Adoration or Mass, I worry that becoming closer to the Lord will cause me to want to have a religious vocation. Silly, I know, because if that's what I wanted then I'd be ok with it! I think you're all right, though--I definitely need to discuss this with a spiritual director.

 

Ducky,

 

the Church does teach that religious life is objectively a "higher state" than marriage... but if a person is called to marriage, then marriage is their path to holiness and how they would become a Saint. Does that make sense? So it's all about finding out what vocation God has for you - but we need to trust that He would guide us and it's not just us trying to figure it out. It's not just our discernment, but the discernment of the Church as well. So we don't have to be so anxious :)

 

The way I interpreted your fear about becoming a nun is either you're not called, or you're called but you're not opening up to it and accepting it, so the very thought is causing you anxiety. I think it's good to get a spiritual director so he can help give you advice on this. I can't say what your vocation is, but you don't need to be so worried, - try to trust in God's loving plan for you :)

 

God bless :)

[nikita92]

Ducky, I'm just going to say it like it is...I think (my perspective) your OCD/medication requirement are pretty much going to be in compatable with a lot of religious communities anyways. i.e- Contemplative/monasteries-convents especially. I mean no disrespect of course! I guess you won't know until after you have actually reached out and tried contacting them.Peace be with you!!!!

[Little Flower]

Ducky,

 

the Church does teach that religious life is objectively a "higher state" than marriage... but if a person is called to marriage, then marriage is their path to holiness and how they would become a Saint. Does that make sense? So it's all about finding out what vocation God has for you - but we need to trust that He would guide us and it's not just us trying to figure it out. It's not just our discernment, but the discernment of the Church as well. So we don't have to be so anxious :)

 

The way I interpreted your fear about becoming a nun is either you're not called, or you're called but you're not opening up to it and accepting it, so the very thought is causing you anxiety. I think it's good to get a spiritual director so he can help give you advice on this. I can't say what your vocation is, but you don't need to be so worried, - try to trust in God's loving plan for you :)

 

God bless :)

 

Second that :) Although the religious state is objectively a higher state than marriage, if God is calling you to marriage that is relatively speaking a higher state for you, since its God's will for you.

 

 

Not a theologian so anyone can correct me if I'm wrong :P
 

[Pax_et bonum]

We've discussed marriage and religious life on other threads if you want to search, but here's a link to one along with part of my input (and I still have no idea if I'm right about the math part if anyone wants to correct me).

 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/127932-dicernment-woes/

 

In lauding the religious life, it should not be done at the expense of the dignity of the married vocation. Objectively, it can be said, as the Church and saints have said, that priesthood and religious life are higher than marriage, but it doesn't seem to mean that marriage is lesser. Priesthood/religious life is on a supernatural plane while marriage is on the natural plane. They're different (I'm not good at math, but I don't think it's mathematically possible to compare things on different planes though I could just be making that up), and subjectively, the vocation that is highest is the one to which God is calling an individual.

 

 

[Ducky]

Thanks Pax! I read through that thread that you linked to, and it helped a good bit. I think I feel selfish that I want to be married and not give everything to God.

 

Intellectually, I want whatever will make me holiest. I know St. Teresa became a sister because she saw it was the surest path to heaven, which makes sense to me. I would become a religious to save my soul, but I don't know how much joy it would bring me, although I guess if I prayed for God to give me joy in religious life, He would. I just feel like God would give me the graces necessary to live religious life if I chose it, so I should choose it.

 

I just feel so much GUILT about desiring marriage! When I reflect on being married vs. becoming a religious sister, I have far more peace in considering marriage, but there's always that nagging doubt that perhaps I'm supposed to be a sister. There are some orders that seem nice when I look at them online, but I just don't get that sense of "THAT is where I want to be." I was actually somewhat interested in the Daughters of St. Paul for a time about a year ago. I contacted them about a retreat, but never heard back, so I took that as a sign. That interest waned, however.

 

It's especially hard as I'm dating someone now, which I think I mentioned above, and this most recent bout of anxiety began soon after we began dating. I want to be able to discern marriage, but I feel a responsibility or something to "try out" religious life first, just to be sure and to get rid of that anxiety, though getting rid of the anxiety doesn't seem like a good reason really. 

 

If God would just TELL me what His will for me is, I'd follow it and this would all be solved! I just don't know what it is because He won't tell me...  :unsure:

[organwerke]

Hi Ducky, I understand you very well and I'm sorry for you, but I would ask you: why are you interested in religious life if you are not comfortable with the idea of it? Do you think God would be happy to know that you are in religious life only because of feelings of fear, of guilt, of anxiety? And what image you could bring to the world of religious life if you see it as a sort of prison?

And, about God's will, remember that it is revealed us through peace, not anxiety.

So, if you go before the Lord in the blessed sacrament and you try to figure out what you feel about marriage (and you feel peace), and what you feel about religious life (and you feel anxiety), well, you have had the answer of what  God will is for you!

[organwerke]

Oh, and as a side note I would add that marriage too could bring to a very high santity as this wonderful and remarkable story of a modern saint tells us:

 

http://www.focus.org/blog/posts/saints-are-still-being-made.html