Gay: Born That Way?

[4588686]

I am saying that I don't think one's sexual preference should define them. I care as much about someone telling me they prefer black people or asians as I do if they prefer men or women. I don't care. What business is it of mine who you prefer to have sex with? I think anybody who makes it a point to identify themselves as gay to the world needs to rethink how they are defining themselves as a person.

 

I am a Christian. I am a Catholic. I am a father. I am a brother. I am a son. I am a human. 

 

"I am straight" is not even on my list of how I would describe myself, so why should it be for gay people?

 

Maybe you would feel differently if you got the poo kicked out of you or mocked horribly for being straight throughout your formative years.  You live in a heteronormative (hey, look, I'm obnoxiously using pretentious social justice language and becoming a total cliche!!!) society so you being straight is assumed.  You don't have to hide the fact that you are straight for fear of being brutalized.  So being straight probably seems like no big deal to you.  Because it isn't.  

[dUSt]

Maybe you would feel differently if you got the poo kicked out of you or mocked horribly for being straight throughout your formative years.  You live in a heteronormative (hey, look, I'm obnoxiously using pretentious social justice language and becoming a total cliche!!!) society so you being straight is assumed.  You don't have to hide the fact that you are straight for fear of being brutalized.  So being straight probably seems like no big deal to you.  Because it isn't.  

 

You make lots of assumptions.

[dUSt]

So, because I was beat up, bullied, and mocked because I was white, my identity should now be, "I am a white person."

 

Because I was beat up and mocked over having a very large forehead as a child, I should define myself as. "A person with a big forehead."

 

Makes no sense to me.

[franciscanheart]

I think probably it has the same connotation to actually say it out loud as telling people who suffer from depression or bipolar disorder to keep it to themselves because it doesn't matter. I don't necessarily think anyone needs to shout from the rooftops that they're gay, but I don't think it should be asked of homosexual people to keep it to themselves. It's often a very difficult thing to deal with, and if no one talks about it, it can be very lonely.

I am constantly back and forth on the "coming out" thing, but I think ultimately it does a whole lot of good for people to be forthcoming with struggles where appropriate, that others might find comfort in understanding (at the very least).

Some of my friends who are sober have openly shared that they struggled and are now sober. It has gotten them some ridicule, some judgment, some other not-awesome things. But it's also given them opportunity to help other people. To say, "Hey, I've been there, too. You aren't alone."

Do I think someone should walk up and say, "Hi, I'm John and I'm gay." No. But I don't think John should be criticized for sharing one of his "crosses".

[CrossCuT]

Are we comparing homosexuality to mental disorders like depression or being bipolar?

[4588686]

You make lots of assumptions.

 

 

The only assumption that I made was that you were not a gay teen who experienced physical and verbal/emotional harassment in your adolescent years years that continues into the present.  

 

You being white isn't something you can deny.  It isn't something that you have the possibility of hiding or that you have been pressured to hide since your childhood.  And it's not something that large segments of the country and society are pressuring you to hide today.

 

I'm not trying to diminish the bullying you experienced.  Honestly.  I just don't think that your analogies hold.

[4588686]

Are we comparing homosexuality to mental disorders like depression or being bipolar?

 

She's comparing the socially foisted shame and pressure to hide that trait.  It's a rough analogy.  I don't think it was intended to be exact.  

[CrossCuT]

I figured, I was just wondering. 

 

[franciscanheart]

Are we comparing homosexuality to mental disorders like depression or being bipolar?

Absolutely not. Hasan hit the nail on the head: just pointing out other things people "suffer through" silently because of societal pressure to not talk about it. That kind of thinking that says, "It's fine if that's a part of your life but we don't need to know about it."

[CrossCuT]

I definitely agree that people need to find their circles of support in which they can communicate things that are difficult no matter WHAT it is.
We are social creatures, we are meant to function together! There are TONS of little things that make us who we are, I dont feel like anyone should feel censored in their thoughts and opinions, THIS IS AMERICA! But obviously its up to them to decide if any of these traits (homosexuality included) is something they feel is important to share with people. 

Whether they do or not share it is up to them, but it is up to us to love them no matter what.

[Ice_nine]

By saying "being gay should not be a defining characteristic of utmost importance" it doesn't necessarily follow that "one should always hide/never talk about said characteristic"

 

Maybe Dust didn't mean to imply the second notion. I guess I'll just wait for him to clarify.

 

 

 

 

 

[CatholicsAreKewl]

I kinda hope we can get to a point where we have openly gay priests (who remain celibate, of course). The whole gayness being a taboo isn't really helping anyone. 

[dUSt]

I think probably it has the same connotation to actually say it out loud as telling people who suffer from depression or bipolar disorder to keep it to themselves because it doesn't matter. I don't necessarily think anyone needs to shout from the rooftops that they're gay, but I don't think it should be asked of homosexual people to keep it to themselves. It's often a very difficult thing to deal with, and if no one talks about it, it can be very lonely.

I am constantly back and forth on the "coming out" thing, but I think ultimately it does a whole lot of good for people to be forthcoming with struggles where appropriate, that others might find comfort in understanding (at the very least).

Some of my friends who are sober have openly shared that they struggled and are now sober. It has gotten them some ridicule, some judgment, some other not-amesome things. But it's also given them opportunity to help other people. To say, "Hey, I've been there, too. You aren't alone."

Do I think someone should walk up and say, "Hi, I'm John and I'm gay." No. But I don't think John should be criticized for sharing one of his "crosses".

I agree with this. My points were intended to show the flaw in a person primarily thinking of themselves as "gay" first, and everything else as second. I don't think there's anything wrong with discussing that you're gay among close friends and relatives, etc. I just think that in most cases nowadays  "coming out of the closet" or "being gay" is more defined in a way that encourages people to embrace and define themselves as being gay over other things that should be way more important. That's really all I was saying.

[dUSt]

You being white isn't something you can deny.  It isn't something that you have the possibility of hiding or that you have been pressured to hide since your childhood.  And it's not something that large segments of the country and society are pressuring you to hide today.

Alcoholics have the possibility of hiding it.

 

Sure, they should discuss their struggles with friends and family, but they should not have Alcoholic Parades to celebrate their alcoholism.

[4588686]

I agree with this. My points were intended to show the flaw in a person primarily thinking of themselves as "gay" first, and everything else as second. I don't think there's anything wrong with discussing that you're gay among close friends and relatives, etc. I just think that in most cases nowadays  "coming out of the closet" or "being gay" is more defined in a way that encourages people to embrace and define themselves as being gay over other things that should be way more important. That's really all I was saying.

 

 

I just feel like this is a straw-man.  Just because somebody wants to be able to be public with their homosexuality, as straight people are with their sexuality, then I don't see why that means that they are defining themselves as gay above and beyond anything else.  I know a lot of gay people.  Have lived with a gay person.  And currently like in the gay epicenter of the east coast and I just don't see this happening.  Even the most vocal gay activists I know define themselves as gay in conjunction with numerous other traits and aspects.  They just are aggressive in refusing to minimize or hide their homosexuality.  I'm not saying that no gay people do just that it is divorced to my experiences.