What Does This Mean?

[MarysLittleFlower]

"A lot of people who feel called to religious life have to "mourn" the loss of marriage and a family. They desire marriage and have to give that up for religious life. That is normal, it is part of the sacrifice I suppose."

 

It's true.  I always thought I'd meet someone and have a family like my Mom.  It took months for me to get over being angry at God for "taking it away from me" (so little did I understand discernment.)  And now it is the biggest sacrifice for me. Enclosure is nothing compared to giving up one's own family and children.  And now there is so much joy in what I am called to.   But mourning was there for a while. 

 

hmm.. that does make sense. I've heard some nuns talk about how they felt this way too. I would like to find out if it's ever the other way. For me, giving up children is a sacrifice... even thinking about it now, I can feel it. Also giving up my family. But giving up the husband is a smaller sacrifice, compared to the children. For some reason, - I always assumed I would marry cause "that's what people do", but somehow really deep inside, even as a child I did not feel that I would. Even when I was a little child, maybe. I'm trying to remember. It's not like I disliked it or didn't want it because of a family experience - it was just a calm sort of "knowing", that I wouldn't be in a relationship. Then I started discerning religious life in college and had to decline relationships, cause I didn't feel comfortable mixing the two. I am not saying this answers the question for me. I need to discern, clearly, and see what God does, and if this changes.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I think I just figured out something... been thinking a lot... when I think of marriage, I do feel the sacrifice in giving up children and having a family. And raising a Catholic family. But with the husband, it's more about giving up the comfort and stability of having a husband, I don't mean material but the personal comfort of having a companion that I can see and talk to and pray with and encourage one another in holiness etc. However, I don't  really feel a sacrifice in giving up the part of marriage that's  "making a gift of myself to another" - but do others? Should I? I was thinking of why this is though, and it may be because I have already decided that this would be for Jesus. But I don't want my vocation to be decided by me... it's all conditional depending on His will. But I can't really change how I feel in my heart. I'm not sure what to do with that.

[Julie de Sales]

I think people see marriage differently; for some the fact of having a partner who is there for you and encourages you in your path in life is the most important aspect; others emphasize motherhood and the main puprose they get married is to have children and take care of them. So, I don't believe is something wrong with not feeling the sacrifice of giving up the part of marriage you mentioned. We are not the same and what may be a very big sacrifice for a person it isn't for another. And our desires change with time. If I would get married, children would be the most important thing for me, but sometimes I found myself wanting a partner in order to complete me as a woman.
Our hearts are made by God and he knows how to speak to us when we have to decide for a vocation. I don't believe that our feelings regarding marriage could make us choose the wrong path.

[MarysLittleFlower]

I see what you mean! I do feel strongly that love is a self gift and I would not be complete without making this gift, but I don't experience any wish to give this to an earthly husband, almost like in my heart it's already Jesus - though I'm leaving it open for His will.... so although this is a big part of marriage for  me, I tend to not experience it as a loss, because it would still happen with religious life, and I have a desire that it would only be Jesus and no one else. But giving up children, both having them and raising them, is a sacrifice.

 

I'm glad that at least my thoughts are way more organized now in that I know what i'm trying to say... hopefully I can speak to my priest about discernment and HOW to discern.

[Sister Rose Therese]

Dear Mary's Little Flower,

I read our initial post but just scanned through most of the rest, so please excuse me if I missed something.

 

When you say you are tormented by the fear that... my initial reaction is that this is not from God and is very likely from the devil.  That is not the way God works, tormenting us with fears.  I do think you should discuss this with your spiritual director or confessor.  Try not to get all worked up about this though.  The devil loves it when he can get us all worked up in a tizzy.  In times like this, willfully practicing trust in God can be a great sacrifice you can offer to God.

 

God bless and keep you.