What Does This Mean?

[MarysLittleFlower]

I'm sorry I don't quite remember if I posted about this ever or not...

 

As frightening and difficult the idea of religious life can be, and though I love the idea of motherhood, I sometimes find myself more frightened for some reason that I wouldn't be called to a religious vocation. I don't know what this means and if it shows I'm not detached enough. But it's like wanting Jesus to be your only love and then fearing that He would tell you to marry someone else. It's really painful at times and recently when I've  been coming across videos about nuns or books/songs/anything I would get all teary or worse. :unsure:  I've even been avoiding reading a novel I have about a nun even though it's an amazing novel and I really like it, just because it's so painful to read. I even met some nuns yesterday at a conference...Same with Saints if they were not married, and how they talked about giving themselves only to Jesus and wanting to give Him their whole life, and suffer for Him, console Him, care only about what He cares about, give themselves to save souls, etc.

 

I don't know has anyone felt this way and what do you DO about it. How do I just trust Him? I know that He loves me, but it's like I'm afraid He would ask me to not love Him exclusively... though in my reason, I *know* that married people are also called to love God with all their heart, mind, and soul, and become Saints. And I know that this vocation - like religious life - is such a great gift that I maybe shouldn't presume to even expect it, because I can never be worthy, and God chooses whom He wills. I also know I'm a great sinner, who crucified Him with my sins after He showed me so much love. I just don't know how I can ever give myself to someone else, despite all my sinfulness. It seems like the happiest thing - to be called to be His bride, whether that's religious life or CV or other forms of consecrated life.

 

:cry:  yea... would appreciate any advice, as I'm still new to the faith and learning. I know God loves us and has the vocation that's best for us and we should trust Him. Why am I feeling so upset?

Edited May 11, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower

[Mary's Child]

Yes I have wondered about some of these very questions and at times thought that I dont know what I would do if I am not called to the religious life. What I have learned is that I need to grow in my ability to surrender and trust God. He can do anything He wants to and if he doesn't want it for us then it is not what would be best for us in the long run. Sometimes I think that God does desire a certain thing for us but we are not ready to receive it (either emotionally or spiritually) so we have to wait and just give God time to reform our hearts. When we feel like He is breaking our hearts it is actually that He is reforming our hearts more like His and drawing us to even closer relationship with Him.

So what you do is ask Him to give you strength, courage, and wisdom to do His will. When you are suffering or feel alone turn to Our Lady as she has endured much and she is a loving mother who wants to care for you entrust your vocation to her. 

[Mary's Child]

Something I have to come to realize recently is that... even if for some reason I can never enter a convent if that is what will lead me to a greater holiness than it that is ok and I have reached my ultimate goal. Just something to keep in mind.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thank you Mary's Child :) I think tha'ts a great point about trusting that our vocation is what would lead us to holiness, not another one. And putting HIs will above our own in everything, including this. I think the difficulty that I'm maybe facing is that if this was - let's say, a career choice, or another similar decision - it might have been easier (though still difficult, because of attachments) to give it up if it's not God's will. (I'm not trying to minimize how difficult this decision can be too.. I'm just not experiencing it right now). But with this, even though I know that Jesus loves all souls and we're all called to be Saints and He died for us and He chooses some to reach the others - it still seems like the vocation where you don't have an earthly spouse means belonging more exclusively to Him. At my very worst moments I felt like almost He would not really love me as much if He did not call me. I know each soul is special to Him... and I don't deserve a religious vocation anyways, and we can't "deserve" it. But - it seems like that might be the most difficult thing to sacrifice when you want it so much, because it's about Jesus and not something in the world. However, it's more about Jesus Himself if we choose His will over our own :) His will alone over everything. In my reason I understand that, but... maybe if I continue praying, I would have more peace on the matter. I think it's perhaps wanting to give yourself unreservedly to God, and then fearing that it would have be different after all, but - if that's a surrender one has to make, then that's actually a great sacrifice, and a sacrifice of one's will... but then I start wondering, why do I want to do this so much, could it be from God too, - in any case hopefully there's a purpose, as all things from Him have a purpose...

Edited May 11, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower

[Julie de Sales]

I have experienced the same thing, I remember I once told a priest that if the majority of people don’t want to be called to religious life and would prefer God not choosing them, I would almost force God to call me to be his bride if God could be forced to do something. When I was having the feeling that nothing in this world could satisfy me, just the thought that I would have to resign myself not to be a religious sister was making me very upset. Also, sometimes, I was thinking : ,,For sure God will not allow me to be a nun because I failed him so much and it is better not even to aspire to reach that goal because it is in vain”. Or when I read that quote of St Theresa of Avila (I hope I'm not mistaken), that God can give us some desires that He doesn’t want to see the fulfillment in this life, I wondered if I wasn’t in that number of people who will not see their desires fulfilled.

Now, I think we have to be more detached from our desires, however holy they may be, and let God be God and act as he pleases. For me, I had to reach the point of saying: ,,Jesus, I make you the sacrifice of my vocation and, instead, I accept your holy will, and if you want me a religious sister or not, I will still serve you and love you”. Also, it is important not to consider God as someone who doesn’t want the best for us, and what makes us happy. If religious life is the place (or the only place) where we are at peace, then he can move mountains in order for us to reach that goal.

I want to be a religious sister from my childhood, and in the end not being one would be a huge cross for me, if God decides this way. But the best thing we can do, in my opinion, is to TRUST in him and be sure that his will, and not ours, will bring us true joy and peace.

[God's Beloved]

This is not an uncommon feeling , among teenage cradle-catholics and very especially among new converts to the faith. Almost every girl experiences an attraction to belong to Jesus thru religious/ consecrated life at some point during teenage. Growth into adulthood refines this desire. Most feel called to married life. Catholic theology is very rich about the Sacrament of marriage but not many are taught about it.

 

A good book showing how intimate Jesus Christ is to every married couple :

THREE TO GET MARRIED   by Fulton J. Sheen, Ph.D., D.D.

It can be downloaded from the internet for free.  http://www.ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/3GETMARR.TXT

 

Previously it was very common for teenagers to enter a convent or seminary when their sexuality was not fully developed. Later in life they questioned their immature decisions and left to get married or remained unhappy in their vocations.

 

Among Converts too research has shown that the novelty of the faith causes a focus on Jesus to such an extent that everything else in life seems secondary or irrelevant to the heart. Hence it is not the best time to fix ones desires on a particular vocational option at this stage.

 

I suggest in such situation one should keep the options open for marriage or religious/consecrated life . Every baptized individual is spiritually a bride of Christ . Baptism is a sacrament while religious life is not. In fact every vocation in the church has a spousal dimension . Every baptized person is called to give oneself to God totally and to another thru marriage /or  to entire humanity in service -----just as Jesus emptied Himself on the Cross for His spouse the Church. Baptism , Marriage , in fact all sacraments immerse us and make us participate in the Paschal Mystery of Christ.

 

There is equality of dignity , call to holiness and intimacy with Jesus Christ   among  all the baptized and all vocations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I have experienced the same thing, I remember I once told a priest that if the majority of people don’t want to be called to religious life and would prefer God not choosing them, I would almost force God to call me to be his bride if God could be forced to do something. When I was having the feeling that nothing in this world could satisfy me, just the thought that I would have to resign myself not to be a religious sister was making me very upset. Also, sometimes, I was thinking : ,,For sure God will not allow me to be a nun because I failed him so much and it is better not even to aspire to reach that goal because it is in vain”. Or when I read that quote of St Theresa of Avila (I hope I'm not mistaken), that God can give us some desires that He doesn’t want to see the fulfillment in this life, I wondered if I wasn’t in that number of people who will not see their desires fulfilled.

Now, I think we have to be more detached from our desires, however holy they may be, and let God be God and act as he pleases. For me, I had to reach the point of saying: ,,Jesus, I make you the sacrifice of my vocation and, instead, I accept your holy will, and if you want me a religious sister or not, I will still serve you and love you”. Also, it is important not to consider God as someone who doesn’t want the best for us, and what makes us happy. If religious life is the place (or the only place) where we are at peace, then he can move mountains in order for us to reach that goal.

I want to be a religious sister from my childhood, and in the end not being one would be a huge cross for me, if God decides this way. But the best thing we can do, in my opinion, is to TRUST in him and be sure that his will, and not ours, will bring us true joy and peace.

I can relate to what you said here.... I've also thought, how can God ever call me, I fail Him all the time. I remember reading His words to a chosen soul... taht she was chosen because of her weakness and misery, and maybe this shows God's greateness and that the work He does is truly divine and not by human power :) there's so much about rejoicing in our weakness, not merely accepting it.... St Padre Pio talked about this...

 

I think I agree with what you described - feeling like what i'm seeking is not to be found elsewhere except in Him, not in the world... and despite everything, I keep thinking about vocations. Of course we are all made for God, not for the world... but there's the whole aspect of marriage and religious life and which one you feel drawn to. If Jesus doesn't call me to religious life, I hope He would help me understand more about my relationship with Him and why I feel this way and what it means. Maybe the submission of the will is the way to love Him :)

 

I am thinking of two quotes from Divine Mercy in My Soul... "Jesus I trust in You", and "Not as I want, but according to Your will, O God, let it be done unto me".

 

It's so hard to surrender a religious vocation to God's will, when you want it...

 

I found this prayer that I really liked: "Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, we place all our trust in Thee, fearing all in our weakness, hoping all things in Thy goodness; be Thou alone our love; the protector of our lives, the stay of our weakness, the strengthener in our inconstancy; the repairer of of all our faults, the assurance of our salvation and our refuge at the hour of death. Amen". I think it's based on something St Margaret Mary said... fearing all in my weakness, but trusting all things in His goodness.

Edited May 11, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower

[EmilyAnn]

When I felt that that...it when I realised I wasn't called to the religious life. I never found it difficult to feel called to religious life. To give that up, on the other hand, tormented me. 

 

If you are having these sorts of feelings about the vocation of marriage, I think it's important that you learn more about marriage. Consecrated life is a beautiful vocation yes...but marriage is a sacrament.  ;)

[MarysLittleFlower]

God's Beloved, I heard really good things about the book by Archbishon Sheen :) I don't know if this changes anything or not... I'm 26 and I became Catholic in 2009. I've been feeling consistently drawn to religious life since around 2008 or 2009. I need to figure out I guess, if what I'm experiencing is a vocation or what you described.

 

There's something I'm trying to figure out that you said in your post. You said "the novelty of the faith causes a focus on Jesus to such an extent that everything else in life seems secondary or irrelevant to the heart". I understand what you mean... but I guess the difficulty is telling that apart from a vocation. I've found that with time, how I feel has changed.. at first it was sort of a novelty, just finding out how much Jesus loves me, being almost surprised at this, then responding to Him (in a small way of course). Then certain things in my character or personality maybe contributed to wanting Jesus to love me and so wanting a closer relationship with Him for that reason. I don't know much about this... I''m still learning about religious life etc, and about the spiritual life, I still have much to learn. It seems to me that since Jesus does love us, and since He is so important, He can use these things to draw us closer to Him, so our relationship with Him starts growing. Maybe it's also a reason for consolations, to encouarge us, because we are still little and weak. Which is all good :) and I'm still little and weak, and seeing that more and more.

 

I guess the question then for the discerner is if this would ever lead into a vocation or if God would guide towards them towards marriage. I've found that this past year, I've been going through many lessons (uncomfortable ones...it's as it should be I guess) - but I've come to care about specific aspects related to religious life that are not only the spousal aspect but also poverty and some aspects related to charisms. Before it was more just about me, now it's not all about me. So I started thinking again, is God leading me somewhere. I guess I'll have to see. I go astray so easily that maybe it's best to surrender all this to God, and not assume anything until He sees it's time to lead me on the next step :) sometimes I'm impatient and want to run in front of Him, haha.

 

Regarding your last point.. I guess this is something I'm still learning about. Because I know that every person was created to be with God and each person can reach holiness through their specific vocation... however, I also found quotes from Church documents making it very clear that religious life is an objectively "higher" state of life, though - if someone is called to marriage, marriage is their path to holiness. It also seems like the religious might have something to do with - Jesus sharing the concerns of His Heart with them about souls, etc, and consoling Him... I don't mean private revelations, but just by committing your whole life to His interestes, whereas a married woman would be involved in the world and the interests of her husband too. I dont know if I'm understanding correctly. Of course, since there are married Saints too, this is also a path to holiness, but maybe it depends on the person's soul and their vocation... since their vocation fits them well, another might be more difficult. Like Fr John Hardon said, many who feel drawn to religious life, don't feel like they can give themselves to another: it would do violence to their being to try. That's exactly how I feel and on some level it scares me because if I'm not called, it would be a suffering for me, but maybe that's an opportunity to put God's will over my own.

 

Sorry this got so long but it sort of helped to organize my thoughts ;)

 

I know many here have more experience discerning and know more about the topic, that's why I wanted to ask if peopl ehave thoughts, so thanks for sharing them with me :)

 

This is not an uncommon feeling , among teenage cradle-catholics and very especially among new converts to the faith. Almost every girl experiences an attraction to belong to Jesus thru religious/ consecrated life at some point during teenage. Growth into adulthood refines this desire. Most feel called to married life. Catholic theology is very rich about the Sacrament of marriage but not many are taught about it.

 

A good book showing how intimate Jesus Christ is to every married couple :

THREE TO GET MARRIED   by Fulton J. Sheen, Ph.D., D.D.

It can be downloaded from the internet for free.  http://www.ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/3GETMARR.TXT

 

Previously it was very common for teenagers to enter a convent or seminary when their sexuality was not fully developed. Later in life they questioned their immature decisions and left to get married or remained unhappy in their vocations.

 

Among Converts too research has shown that the novelty of the faith causes a focus on Jesus to such an extent that everything else in life seems secondary or irrelevant to the heart. Hence it is not the best time to fix ones desires on a particular vocational option at this stage.

 

I suggest in such situation one should keep the options open for marriage or religious/consecrated life . Every baptized individual is spiritually a bride of Christ . Baptism is a sacrament while religious life is not. In fact every vocation in the church has a spousal dimension . Every baptized person is called to give oneself to God totally and to another thru marriage /or  to entire humanity in service -----just as Jesus emptied Himself on the Cross for His spouse the Church. Baptism , Marriage , in fact all sacraments immerse us and make us participate in the Paschal Mystery of Christ.

 

There is equality of dignity , call to holiness and intimacy with Jesus Christ   among  all the baptized and all vocations.

 

[Julie de Sales]

I found this prayer that I really liked: "Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, we place all our trust in Thee, fearing all in our weakness, hoping all things in Thy goodness; be Thou alone our love; the protector of our lives, the stay of our weakness, the strengthener in our inconstancy; the repairer of of all our faults, the assurance of our salvation and our refuge at the hour of death. Amen". I think it's based on something St Margaret Mary said... fearing all in my weakness, but trusting all things in His goodness.

 

I have to memorize this prayer! I knew only the begining of it and it's so beautiful! Thank you!

And if I may suggest also this one: "Show your power, Lord, and come! Save us by your sovereign power, so that by your grace, your indulgent mercy haste what our sins delay.". It shows that our sins don't have the last word, but the mercy of God.

[MarysLittleFlower]

When I felt that that...it when I realised I wasn't called to the religious life. I never found it difficult to feel called to religious life. To give that up, on the other hand, tormented me. 

 

If you are having these sorts of feelings about the vocation of marriage, I think it's important that you learn more about marriage. Consecrated life is a beautiful vocation yes...but marriage is a sacrament.  ;)

 

Emily, what do you mean when you felt what did you realize you are not called? Sorry I can't quite figure it out, maybe I'm feeling tired today.

 

I find there are so many nuances in this.. it's so detailed, how people can feel about something... the reason I try to describe it here so is that people kind of know what they are referring to or replying to. I did find it initially very difficult to be drawn to religious life. I didn't want it, and sometimes the sacrifice involved, or my family situation, or the fact that "most people marry", - makes it very frightening to me. Amidst that, there's a joy too, on another level. The idea of giving up religious life - makes me feel relieved when I'm worrying about the practical difficulties - I think, hey I wouldn't have to make that sacrifice after all, and my family will be glad if I marry, etc. But there are other times when I feel like I just want to belong fully to Jesus, to give Him everything, including myself, and my possessions, and to spend my life making it a priority to care about the things that matter most to Him, praying for souls, being hidden and just loving, - and then it hurts a lot to think of giving it up, because other meanings for life I can't seem experience. I am drawn to marriage in terms of being a mother, more of a natural desire, cause I love children, and I think motherhood is great. But that's about it. THe only times I've felt drawn to marriage were when I wanted a relationship just to feel special, or to be 'comfortable' in a home with a husband and to have that companionship - but all these reasons seem selfish and anyways marriage is about sacrifice too, not comfort. It just seems like I'm drawn to religious life despite the sacrifices, and sometimes for them, and I'm drawn to marriage either for a natural human reason or because of a greater sense of comfort and it being "easier" (which it's not, I know!). Since I'm expected to marry... at one point, I felt upset with that and that affected my feelings on marriage itself. I asked God to help me see more of the beauty of marriage, which somehow He did, and I was able to understand the beauty of it more (still working on that). Eventually, I came to see marriage as something good and beautiful, but when I considered it for me, it almost felt like I had to go against something in me to do that, and other times like if I marry a man it's not a bad thing but it's like I'm marrying "the wrong one", like I've already found who I'm supposed to give my self to (Jesus). So with all this, what do I make of it, is what I'm thinking about. It would need spiritual direction I think... and much prayer... and more detachment from my own will. Might I be called to marriage? That's really up to God, - if He tells me He wants me to marry, I can't keep on insisting on religious life. I just hope I'll say "yes" to whatever He gives  me to understand.

 

Anyways... I'm saying all this just to ask -if you don't mind sharing of course :) what prompted you to realize that you weren't called to religious life? did you feel about religious life and marriage in a similar or a different way?

Edited May 11, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower

[MarysLittleFlower]

I have to memorize this prayer! I knew only the begining of it and it's so beautiful! Thank you!

And if I may suggest also this one: "Show your power, Lord, and come! Save us by your sovereign power, so that by your grace, your indulgent mercy haste what our sins delay.". It shows that our sins don't have the last word, but the mercy of God.

 

Thank you! :) that prayer seems very powerful...and true too. So often, I don't hear God because of my sinfulness and mistakes. But God is stronger than all things :)

[EmilyAnn]

Emily, what do you mean when you felt what did you realize you are not called? Sorry I can't quite figure it out, maybe I'm feeling tired today.

 

I find there are so many nuances in this.. it's so detailed, how people can feel about something... the reason I try to describe it here so is that people kind of know what they are referring to or replying to. I did find it initially very difficult to be drawn to religious life. I didn't want it, and sometimes the sacrifice involved, or my family situation, or the fact that "most people marry", - makes it very frightening to me. Amidst that, there's a joy too, on another level. The idea of giving up religious life - makes me feel relieved when I'm worrying about the practical difficulties - I think, hey I wouldn't have to make that sacrifice after all, and my family will be glad if I marry, etc. But there are other times when I feel like I just want to belong fully to Jesus, to give Him everything, including myself, and my possessions, and to spend my life making it a priority to care about the things that matter most to Him, praying for souls, being hidden and just loving, - and then it hurts a lot to think of giving it up, because other meanings for life I can't seem experience. I am drawn to marriage in terms of being a mother, more of a natural desire, cause I love children, and I think motherhood is great. But that's about it. THe only times I've felt drawn to marriage were when I wanted a relationship just to feel special, or to be 'comfortable' in a home with a husband and to have that companionship - but all these reasons seem selfish and anyways marriage is about sacrifice too, not comfort. It just seems like I'm drawn to religious life despite the sacrifices, and sometimes for them, and I'm drawn to marriage either for a natural human reason or because of a greater sense of comfort and it being "easier" (which it's not, I know!). Since I'm expected to marry... at one point, I felt upset with that and that affected my feelings on marriage itself. I asked God to help me see more of the beauty of marriage, which somehow He did, and I was able to understand the beauty of it more (still working on that). Eventually, I came to see marriage as something good and beautiful, but when I considered it for me, it almost felt like I had to go against something in me to do that, and other times like if I marry a man it's not a bad thing but it's like I'm marrying "the wrong one", like I've already found who I'm supposed to give my self to (Jesus). So with all this, what do I make of it, is what I'm thinking about. It would need spiritual direction I think... and much prayer... and more detachment from my own will. Might I be called to marriage? That's really up to God, - if He tells me He wants me to marry, I can't keep on insisting on religious life. I just hope I'll say "yes" to whatever He gives  me to understand.

 

Anyways... I'm saying all this just to ask -if you don't mind sharing of course :) what prompted you to realize that you weren't called to religious life? did you feel about religious life and marriage in a similar or a different way?

 

Sorry I realise now that sentence didn't make much sense. :P I have a tendency to re-arrange and re-word things several times before I post so it sometimes ends up making little sense. 

 

A lot of people who feel called to religious life have to "mourn" the loss of marriage and a family. They desire marriage and have to give that up for religious life. That is normal, it is part of the sacrifice I suppose. But I never had that, it was the opposite for me. I really did not want to be called to marriage, I never really desired it. All I wanted was the religious life. I was going to enter this fall after I finished college and I loved the community so much. To realise that a life and a community that I loved so much was not God's will for me was painful. I had to go through that mourning to let it go. I cried and begged and pleaded with God to call me to the community I discerned with. 

 

I truly believed that God was calling me to the religious life and in a way, I think He was. In hindsight, I can see that I did not truly understand or appreciate the vocation of marriage (all too common in discerners really). I think God wanted me to discern the religious life so that I could sacrifice it for Him, for what His will truly was for me, and to give me a real understanding of marriage. 

[Guest Allie]

"A lot of people who feel called to religious life have to "mourn" the loss of marriage and a family. They desire marriage and have to give that up for religious life. That is normal, it is part of the sacrifice I suppose."

 

It's true.  I always thought I'd meet someone and have a family like my Mom.  It took months for me to get over being angry at God for "taking it away from me" (so little did I understand discernment.)  And now it is the biggest sacrifice for me. Enclosure is nothing compared to giving up one's own family and children.  And now there is so much joy in what I am called to.   But mourning was there for a while. 

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the explanation! I see what you are saying. Of course, that could happen :) I'm just wondering if it could also happen the other way, where a person didn't feel a strong call to marriage but they did feel drawn to it at various times and have no dislike for what it means, no fear of commitment, etc... I know that with some people, it's a fear of commitment, but a religious vocation isn't running away from responsibility. I think I only understood marriage better a while ago, from a more spiritual perspective,before then I didn't admire it as much as afterwards... So I see what you are saying, I'm still learning about it. After doing some research on marriage I do see it's a beautiful vocation. I remember feeling really drawn to marriage one morning after realizing what it means, just thinking about having a good Catholic family. But then after I continued to feel drawn to religious life again, so I'll have to see how my discernment goes and if it changes to marriage or not. I don't want to just rely on my feelings so it would take spiritaul direction as well. I think the sacrifice of it is - not having children (which is a sacrifice that I do feel, probably more than giving up the husband, because if I were married I would like to have children), and also the human companionship of a husband, and just having a family, and a good Catholic family where I can teach the children the faith and raise them to love God. Maybe what I was trying to say is that when I feel drawn to marriage it's either for children or for a more 'comfort' reason, because "it would be nice to have a husband" and as a human being I do have a desire to give myself to another person, it just seems that somehow this becomes attributed to Christ. The hypothetical human husband only gets the "it would be nice and comforting and safe" part, and the actual self giving part of it, is for Him. Lol. Maybe my discernment is figuring out if this could indicate a vocation or not, and just seeing how it goes. I know there are Saints who always knew they would not marry, and never felt called to it, just because they knew they wanted to make a promise of virginity for God.. I wonder if this happens more often than just with the Saints). I'm also thinking about what Fr Thomas Dubay said, - about people feeling like they can't really have a human spouse, without doing a type of violence to themselves - maybe I can ask a priest about this.

 

Discernment is complicated :sos: