TheLordsSouljah Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Okay, so here's the deal. We all have to eat, so I'm assuming most of us know some form of cookery. To a point, of course. SO, I propose that all those weird and wacky memories/incidents/disasters/poisonings/trips to the doctors (and even possibly the morgue) because of our personal (or otherwise) cooking trials be posted HERE. And the funnier the better. It would make a good humour book for future generations of Phatmassers. Go for it!! :smile3: And Fink I'm expecting the first one off you! ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 First time I tried to cook steak on my nasty old stove in my apartment, I didn't notice how much smoke was building up and the fire alarm went off and because it's a university residence the cops banged on my door. I had to profusely assure them that no, there were no flames and yes, I was indeed fine. It was awkward, but at least I knew they had great response times. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLordsSouljah Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 First time I was allowed to cook pancakes by myself I was six and couldn't read fractions. And because I was a kid and liked sugar, I thought the 1/2 cup of sugar meant two cups.... waiting over the stove for them to hurry up and bubble, I was there ten minutes before mum came in and asked the problem.... Suffice to say they were black. Mum had to cook the rest. :( :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianthephysicist Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I have only succeeded at cooking rice 1 time. Luckily this was the only time I attempted to cook rice for other people's consumption. I made a bean soup that ended up being absolutely disgusting. This has been my first and only attempt at making soup. I made about 1~1.5 gallons of it, so I split it among a few plastic containers, some of which I put in the freezer. I pull one out each week and eat it as my Friday penance, because to force myself to eat this is much more difficult than restraining from eating meat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 My husband decided to cook once when I was pregnant. He made a stir fry with cucumbers in it, and I literally projectile vomited it across the room. He hasn't cooked for me since for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I'm actually a decent cook these days, but when I was younger I had some rather horrible instances of cooking fail. Perhaps the most dramatic was making tea, actually. I had put the kettle on to boil, and walked away. For a long time. For so long a time, in fact, that the kettle boiled itself completely dry, and the wooden handle on the top of the lid began to smoke and char. The kettle was all warped and ruined, and the kitchen smelled horrible! Needless to say, I was thoroughly scolded for walking away from the stove while anything was cooking, and told I was not to let the stove out of my sight while using it ever again. Other instances of foodie fail include burning things (which doesn't happen so often any more) and over/under seasoning. Like the time I forgot to put the basil in the spaghetti sauce. Or the time I made the tacos too spicy for everyone else. Probably the most inglorious fail of them all was one time making enchiladas I decided that rather than make my own sauce as I always did, I would be lazy and use some store-bought stuff that we happened to have sitting in the cupboard. It was truly horrifyingly bad. Those enchiladas were soggy, because the sauce was thin and very wet and so they got just shoaked. Gross gross gross. Also the sauce tasted like green chilies mixed with oil and sweat and a hint of old putrid tomato. It was genuinely horrifying, and I will never use a store-bought enchilada sauce ever again so long as I live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Making pizzas. I don't exactly remember what we did...but in the end the kitchen was a mess. :P ;) Once I set some toast on fire. I put it in the grill and left it there for far too long, and when I came back to check it it was black and alight. The time I decided to make a frozen cake for my birthday was definitely a fail. I was too busy talking to my friends that I forgot to take it out of the freezer and so when it was time to cut it it was still rock hard. My friend's mother tried cutting it but had to stop because it was hurting her wrist. We had it, eventually - after a long wait. One time I made a pie and the recipe asked for ricotta. I thought, "Hey, I love ricotta. Why not put in a little extra?" One soggy pie and an annoyed family later, I know only to add extra ricotta when I'm cooking for one. There are probably a few more in my mind, I'll have a search :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Should I mention the time I blew up a microwave while making Jello? Anyways apparently if you heat 2 cups of fitered water in a pyrex dish it would bubble even though it is really really hot. Jostle it a little bit and you have exploding water. Which will have enough force to blow open the microwave door and bend the hinges. Needless to say I didn't get my Jello. I also melted a spatula once while attempting to make caramel. It didn't make caramel and there were bits of plastic floating in the resulting mess so I ended up just throwing it out. (The science behind the water thing is for something to boil the bubbles have to be able to form around something ie minerals in the water, roughness of the surface of the dish etc if it doesn't then it will get really hot by disturbing it one big "bubble" forms and explodes.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 One time I made alfredo sauce and it was pretty good, if a bit rich. A couple weeks later I tried again, with a slightly different recipe, and it was disgusting. We threw most of it out. I was a sad panda. I have not made alfredo sauce since then. On the other hand, I make a mean curry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 In this thread: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLordsSouljah Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 One time I made a pie and the recipe asked for ricotta. I thought, "Hey, I love ricotta. Why not put in a little extra?" One soggy pie and an annoyed family later, I know only to add extra ricotta when I'm cooking for one. Totally a Maltese thing to do... :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Totally a Maltese thing to do... :P Haha, I know! Ħobż biż-żejt is one of my favourite things to make and eat. I love trying to give it to my friends - they usually can't understand why I have this thing for tomato paste and oil (sometimes capers and fish, too) on bread :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLordsSouljah Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 As a 14 year old I had aspirations to be a chef. (....And then the Governor of NSW told me that was a little.... too low...(in more words than less)so I wrote it off). I knew that one day I'd have to handle fish, which I detested. So one day, mum brings home these two whopping fish... (whopping for fresh)... some 1.5ft long. I declared that I'd cut them up before the frying began. It's all going fine, slit behind the gill, knife down the backbone, gutted, head off, blood all over me and whatever else, half of it's in pieces ready for the pan. I go to the stove to cut up butter for frying (we can't use oil for some reason) cut my finger, and.... *DRUM ROLL PLEASE* fainted. Easily one of the most embarrassing things of my life..... :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLordsSouljah Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 t tell me if you ever feel this way... sigh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysisterisalittlesister Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Once my sister and I set the oven on fire while making banana bread. Instead of throwing baking soda on it, she threw flour :hehe: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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