I Wish I Knew How To Be Patient

[arfink]

I wish I knew how to be patient. I mean, I know HOW, all you have to do is keep being alive. That's the easy part. I just wish I knew what to do with myself when the waiting doesn't end, when the pain doesn't stop, when the loneliness doesn't fade, when the paycheck doesn't come, when I feel trapped and stuck. If I sit quietly and wait for the Lord I fear I'll be crushed and destroyed by all the other things that happen while I wait. I know He will come. But I am afraid He will wait until something really horrible happens before he comes.

 

Hope is just so obnoxiously un-optimistic.

 

I am definitely feeling the weight of what I can only call existential angst right now. My old philosopher self would have laughed at someone who said that, but it's not so funny now.