To Jesus Through Mary Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 So I have been giving this idea of waiting some thought. I know some of you are in the same boat as me with waiting. Waiting to hear from a community, waiting on a job, waiting on school, waiting on whatever. Waiting is so obnoxious. My discernment has been a long, complicated, and painful experience that has been filled with a bunch of... you guessed it... WAITING. So I thought I would share with y'all a little bit of what the Lord has taught me in the last few months. You might get something out of it, but most likely it is just me ranting. Either way, please humor me. ;) But first a little back round... So about 4-5 months ago I began to doubt my vocation. When I left the convent i was utterly convinced I would reenter, then as time went on, I just wasn't so sure. Then I met this guy who I was a bit smitten by, and I even considered dating. This got me thinking and discerning a bit more about marriage. Then one of the most difficult things happened in my life and my family. The state my sister is living in contacted me and asked me to adopt her children. This rocked my world in so may ways. But during this time of discernment religious life got put back on a far-far back burner and the guy didn't work out with all the craziness. So I was left with absolutely NO preconceived thoughts about my life. I was forced to the present moment. I was no longer waiting to enter or trying to decided my future... no I was no deciding the future of 3 children. (The end result was my brother is adopting much younger children, but the oldest wanted to stay with the family she was with. This came through much drama, pain, and discernemtn). This time was a so painful, but I grew so much. I remember one night in the motel when I was visiting the kids and the placements and making the decision, I just simply prayers, "Lord please don't let me waste this suffer. Help me to grow." and wow did He answer. I began to see God in a whole new way. It was amazing. Fast forward about 6 weeks to the day before yesterday when I was in adoration. I have just begun meditating on "Abandonment to Divine Providence." And there was a portion speaking how God orchestrates events for our sanctity. He is the Sovereign Director of Souls. This moment he is wanting to mold us. In this moment. Not when we get to the convent or are ordained a priest. In this moment. God is allowing this waiting or suffering to make me holy. Not just to test my patience, not to see if I will persevere or not... but to help me love him more. This waiting is his plan for me right now. Not the convent. Now I am moving to Ohio to help my brother's family as he adopts the younger two (he is married with 3 other young children) for a year or so. Ironically I finally basically got the thumbs up to proceed forward with the process of reentry about 2 weeks ago. But I knew I had to take care of my family first. So, yep, God was calling me to wait again. As I wait my horizons of discernment have opened and all I am considering other possibilities as well now. Although I do believe I am called to consecrated life in some form. This next year will be pretty telling for me.... as I wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Well, waiting is horrible, but I guess everyone has to do it. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 Ick! I need to proof read better before I post! Sorry for all the grammar and spelling mishaps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 LOL you caught more than I did then. :hehe: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary's Margaret Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 "This moment he is wanting to mold us. In this moment. Not when we get to the convent or are ordained a priest. In this moment. God is allowing this waiting or suffering to make me holy. Not just to test my patience, not to see if I will persevere or not... but to help me love him more. This waiting is his plan for me right now. Not the convent." Beautifully said. I will hold you and your family in prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 TJTM, thank you for sharing that very personal experience. It is extremely honest and insightful. It's just this kind of thing I find so enriching to read on PM. Very edifying and encouraging to others, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 (edited) TJTM, thank you. That was very powerful. Waiting is tough... but it is the time when the plant puts down solid roots. Frustrating for the gardener... because no pretty plant to see as a reward. BUT... if it does not have that quiet, growth-filled time, the plant won't grow strong. You are putting down a strong root system.... and you are growing stronger. God will bring you to fullness of foliage in His own good time.... And the same with all of us (me too, me too!!) . One day at a time... trusting in His Providence.... Edited to add a pretty picture. :) Edited April 25, 2013 by AnneLine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kayte Postle Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Thank you so much for posting this TJTM, this was something I needed to hear/read right now, so very very much. So encouraging, thank you so much dear. Praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To Jesus Through Mary Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 I am glad some of you got something out of it. :) Thank you for your response, encouragement, and most of all prayers. God bless you all!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kateri89 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 This sounds an awful lot like my discernment process minus adopting children (by the way, prayers for you and your family). Religious life, marriage, religious life, marriage, and now I'm not sure which... At my last retreat I discerned that I need to calm down a bit and let God direct me where He wants me and to be happy doing His will in the present moment. Thanks for sharing your story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golden Years Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 On the website for the Dominican nuns at Menlo Park, where the nuns tell their vocation stories, Sister Mary of the Holy Family says: "My life as a cloistered contemplative Dominican nun has taught me that I cannot "speed-read" the Word of God or jump ahead of His timing. I need only "to watch and wait" in fidelity for the mystery of God's Will to unravel. This contemplative viewing of life has been so remarkably enriching and humbling for me. Waiting for God is at the heart of prayer and is already a deep form of prayer; self-control makes that waiting possible, and grace makes it sacred." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eowyn Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Oh the waiting... . I'm an oldie and everytime I get close to "getting there" or even starting to get there, something seems to trip it up. I already know I am impatient and God seems to be helping me to work on that particular virtue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eowyn Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 (edited) duplicate Edited April 25, 2013 by Eowyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 In my fourteen years in the cloister nothing, but nothing prepared me for the totally selfless act of child rearing, and IMO nothing can wring your heart or bring such joy in the same moment... I regret neither, and praise Him constantly for having had the grace of selfless giving in the convent and selfless living through fostering. My prayers are with you as you wait.....'watch and pray' and as you offer your brother help with child care. Both are what He wants of you right now and both will help you as you prepare for the convent - if that is His will for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inperpetuity Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 "Abandonment to Divine Providence" has been so helpful to me over the years and I am waiting to get another copy of it by next week. I am so glad you are now at peace with the waiting. I am one of those for whom it took a long time to realize that His will is worth waiting for. :hehe2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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