Novena For Barbara Therese

[Guest Allie]

:nun1:

[BarbTherese]

Hi Allie!.....................................thank you all the way and with prayer that all your hopes and dreams will be realized.  Sometimes this is not effected as we think we want and expect them to be effected and fulfilled, but for all who love The Lord and His world and all in it simply because they are His and reflect Him to us in some way, it just happens anyway.  The more we fall in Love with Him, the more we travel on a road that is absolute and total 'magic' (Our Lord of Surprises)and the truly greatest adventure anyone could ever live. Holiness to me is not so much knowing God's Will, invitations and desires and striving in that direction - as to put one's hand into His in complete trust and confident abandonment to Him, close our eyes as it were against all 'distractions', that He may lead us wherever, whenever and however.

 

Thank you so much, Allie, for your prayer and support expressed at all points along this journey.  The journey for me is not yet concluded - but most of it is all bar 'the shouting' (that indeed it is behind me!) We can abandon this thread if you agree knowing that in our hearts and on Phatmass as we journey with it, for me (and I feel for you also) when we see each other's names on a post, it will be with much warmth and a prayer.

 

 

 

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom, lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

 

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on.
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I
Have loved long since, and lost awhile!

 

Meantime, along the narrow rugged path, Thyself hast trod,
Lead, Savior, lead me home in childlike faith, home to my God.
To rest forever after earthly strife
In the calm light of everlasting life.

John Henry Newman 1833 - quoted above in part only  

 

Progressing along the road of healing post hysterectomy very nicely.  It is only 3wks and 2 days since surgery.  Now and then a bit of an off day, but this is to be expected apparently.  For anyone undergoing hysterectomy, here is a site with heaps of information both pre and post surgery: http://www.hystersisters.com/  This site does have a Search facility and also a Forum.  When things have been a bit of a concern, this site has come to my rescue rather than continually almost ringing my doctor.  But if any post surgery matter is rather severe and/or prolonged it is best to contact one's doctor absolutely immediately.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 30, 2013 by BarbaraTherese

[Mary's Margaret]

Offering prayers of thanksgiving for all the Lord has done for you during this leg of your journey, and for the witness of faith you have been through it all.  God bless you, BarbaraTherese, and thank-you for blessing us with your open heart.

[BarbTherese]

Offering prayers of thanksgiving for all the Lord has done for you during this leg of your journey, and for the witness of faith you have been through it all.  God bless you, BarbaraTherese, and thank-you for blessing us with your open heart.

 Thank you very much indeed, MM, for the prayer and support - all of which have borne fruit...........altho I did have a giggle over my latter statement - such as I to remain on this earth in sound health mentally and physically not exactly a fruit of prayer, but I hope to be, please Lord, someday.

The totally amazing thing also has been that all thru this journey from its very beginning I have been in most daily contact with my psychiatrist (probably every second day - and not on weekends).  Bipolar so much as not as had a blimp revealing a single hair of its head.  Belinda, my psychiatrist, said "I think that your illness might have turned a real corner."

Most often my brand of Bipolar will react quite negatively to especially any major stress - but I remained in Peace and Joy from the get go.  The Lord is Good and to His least most of all.  My brother, who is a Reality Therapist in private practise now he is retired from the Education Dept, though a practising Catholic is a bit of a cynic in many matters - even he is saying "This has to be a b*&***# miracle!" as my family were preparing themselves for an episode as was I - while we all did have a giggle about me 'off me face' in a Bipolar episode and needing hospitalization and major surgery.  Oh my, that poor hospital if it had eventuated! :)  The Lord decided that all should be spared, Deo Gratius!!!

 

So much to be grateful about in this journey!

 

When things settle down for me a little more, I am putting into my typed intentions list for weekly mention and The Rosary, all who have supported me including in this thread.  I am totally grateful and just cannot state just how much.

I bought a book based on the writings of Thomas Merton (excerpts from his writings) in which I read this: ...............oh dear, I cannot find the exact quote in the book.  But it ran something like this - that we must learn to have a measure of discontent in all things and to find contentment in measures of discontent in all things.  This, of course, echoes what St Augustine said "Our hearts are restless, Lord, until we rest in Thee".  I guess this can have many meanings, but having read most of the book ("An Invitation to the Contemplative Life" Thomas Merton - Word Among Us Press) what it now means to me is that I need to find contentment, fulfilment and Peace, Joy, in "less than my concept of perfection" and in all things (and rather expanding/explaining the theology of St Therese of Lisieux) - and that even when I consider my own humanity - weak, foibled, prone to mistakes and misdirections, fallible - even in that reflection, I do not yet understand nor insight fully my fallen state and the consequences, from which The Second Person of The Blessed Trinity incarnated has rescued us all in His Life and in His Death.  One day in Heaven we will - and then our hearts will overflow with a full measure due of thankfulness and gratitude and know a full measure of humility, Peace and Joy - prostrate myself in absolute adoration.  Only then will we fully insight the Death of Jesus and all He actually did suffer for naked Love of His Father and of us. Jesus practised what He preached "Love God with your whole heart and your whole soul and your neighbour as yourself for Love of God" which He stated was the whole of the Law and The Prophets.

 

Off me pulpit

 

 

I had bought Merton's book for hospital, but it was out of stock and arrived a couple of days ago and so now and then I pick it up and read.  It is divided into Chapter Titles with each chapter containing a quite short excerpt from Merton on the particular subject heading.

[BarbTherese]

Popped back into this thread looking for something.  In the doing, I realized that I might not have shared the results of forensic examination of the tumour.  I do personally consider this thread as due to fade into the archives somewhere, but being me just could not resist!!!  A keyboard to me as an aged and limping along would be 'writer' is totally irresistible temptation.  My dear Carmelite prioress reckons God gave computers for my sake since my handwritten letters to her and Fr D in the long ago and my dark ages landed on their desks with continual edits, additions, crossing outs, please refer to page 6, 3rd paragraph then page 2 5th paragraph, were totally illegible.

 

 

About a week after I came home, my gynaecologist phoned me with the results.  The tumour was attached to my ovary and neither malignant nor benign according to my gynaecologist.  It is known as "borderline tumour" which is a type of tumour that was localized and had not spread through my body.  I don't even need chemotherapy nor radiation - just regular checkups and ultra sounds or XRay. I was so happy and overjoyed, grateful - then rather suddenly I had distinct awareness that my journey and mission here was not yet over and so much has happened quite quickly that could mean much, could mean little.  The journey ahead will unfold as The Lord may will in His Unfolding moment by moment.  

 

I was quite prepared for the worst in every way and made what was a final and life summarized Confession the Saturday before surgery if all went pear-shaped and the tumour was malignant and spread.  This Confession was not a General Confession per se as I understand it anyway.

 

  The Catholic Chaplain popped in to see me the day after surgery and with Holy Communion. My one real and pressing stress factor and concern was informing my family and especially my sons, my friends, if I was terminal, but was able more or less to put that to bed and leave it up to The Lord when the time came if it did. The entirely warming and wonderful thing for me, one of them, to come out of this journey is that only my deceased brother said "Luvya Sis!" now all my brothers say it before we depart company.    I do try very hard with some success occasionally not to cross my bridges before they actually exist and must be crossed.  Up until we are actually faced with a bridge in reality that MUST be crossed, concerns and worries about potentials all exist in our imagination alone and as Jesus said "today's worries, they are enough for today.  Tomorrow will look after itself!". Now internalizing this and putting it into practise is not easy - it takes application, determination and faithfulness, not giving up in the face of failure.  Then one day suddenly one realizes that all the effort is past tense and one just automatically lives that way.  Fruit of Grace which is The Holy Spirit.  While every single last one of us to the greatest saint is going to pass over to Heaven with some spiritual goals still unsuccessful. This is the nature of life, of our journey.  I was in a monastery in my teens and my priest director said to me something akin to this "You put all into the hands of Jesus with great confidence in His Will whatever it might be.  Then suddenly, weary of waiting for the only answer or answers YOU WANT, you begin to point out to Him "Now with this, You should do that and with that You must do this".  It took me some years for that to click home and understand fully after much reflection what Father meant - and for the full meaning to find shelter and be internalized.

 

Our worries or concerns about a POTENTIAL ONLY future event are something of a lack of trust and confidence in Jesus. But then we are NOT perfect creatures, we are the essence of imperfection and failure often - courtesy often of the inclination of our fallen nature travelling with the consequences of original sin.  We are sinful creatures and obviously the nature of a sinful creature is to sin (taken from Greek and means "to miss the mark") - we fail, we boo boo, we go off in a wrong direction etc. etc. etc. Not in spite of this (Romans Ch5 "For why did Christ, when as yet we were weak, according to the time, die for the ungodly? For scarce for a just man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man some one would dare to die. But God commendeth his Charity (Love) towards us; because when as yet we were sinners, according to the time") but because of our fallen and sinful state, we are Loved to distraction by the Heart of Jesus which is what His Loving Mercy is all about.  His Life and His terrible death.  We are God's delight, His Passion and His absolute and total weakness!!! 

 

Of course, our intellect and reason are Gifts of God that walk, ideally, in perfect harmony with our spiritual theology, or hand in hand in our walk with Jesus.  We are partners and collaborators with Him in our salvation and sanctification, which most mysteriously is also the salvation and sanctification of all.  Hence sometimes it can be necessary to weigh up options, or to consider likely outcomes and potentials and how to respond.  But in every single circumstance or factor in life is X The Unknown Factor.

I took immediately to that quotation : " Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend".  (Albert Camus)

http://quotationsbook.com/quote/15990/#sthash.wnwMx9Hc.dpuf

 

 

If you want to understand and insight the very positive place of failure, failings, faults etc. in your life, nothing better than to insight the theology of St Therese of Lisieux.  Nothing exists outside of The Lord, nothing happens outside of either His Direct or Permissive Will and as the CCC tells us, The Lord would not permit anything whatsoever in life (even our boo boo's) unless He can bring good out of it.

 

  Some find Therese's writings and words too gushy and flowery (the spiritual language of her day, her Catholic culture then) and abandon what she had and has to say.  But in the doing, they miss an absolutely profound theology.  I think for myself that she probably must have read "Abandonment to Divine Providence" - Jean Pierre de Caussade - and another spiritual classic pre-dating Therese which does set out in great detail her theology especially in the letters of JPdC to various nuns in his day (found at the rear of the main text).  The wonder of Therese is that she put it all so concisely and simply not as a spiritual theology, but as the way she lived her own life.  Hence we have examples from life of a saintly and holy life - yet a very simple, restricted life not at all in the genre of probably most of our saints who lived remarkable lives outstandingly and quite overtly outstandingly well.  Therese lived a very very ordinary life of a Carmelite nun extraordinarily. Her fellow Sisters thought her a good Carmelite - but nothing special about her at all.  Throughout her writings and words there is a unity - a certain underlying theology or dynamic.   Both Therese and de Caussade are online at CCEL and are free of cost :

 

Therese:http://www.ccel.org/ccel/therese/autobio

Jean Pierre de Caussade with Letters at end of text http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment

 

 

Anyway, in an earlier post I mentioned that Pauline had a very large crucifix she would like to donate to "Bethany" (name of any residence in which I have established my base, as well as title for a way of life - a way of being and of being present wherever I may be whether alone or in company of any genre.........some success plenty failures). It is neither success nor failure that pleases The Lord since both are in His Hands alone anyway - it is the constant desire and effort in Peace, Joy and trustful confidence to succeed trusting Him and His Grace, no matter outcome, and outcome is in His Hands alone. Prudence and Wisdom (2 Gifts of The Holy Spirit at Confirmation) informs when efforts might need cease and perhaps a new direction indicated.  Prudence and Wisdom and/or sound and holy advice from a good spiritual director.  The crucifix (all pewter) is probably 1ft 7inches or so.   Last night, Derrick sent me an email with a picture of the crucifix in question but I cannot make it an attachment nor copy it into this thread for some reason  . . .    :notworthy: Phatmass doesn't like it! 

I also have a pic of me with His Grace and a young friend of mine, daughter of the lady (now dear friend) who takes me to Mass, but Phatmass doesn't like that pic either

 

Oh boy, did I have a rave on above - My disclaimer: it passes the time when one is restricted in mobility by surgery recovery journey ............... my limping along story and oh boy, am I sticking to it as only excuse available I can see!  :hehe2:

 

 Off me pulpit ....................... till next time

 

 

Barb 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mary's Margaret]

"About a week after I came home, my gynaecologist phoned me with the results.  The tumour was attached to my ovary and neither malignant nor benign according to my gynaecologist.  It is known as "borderline tumour" which is a type of tumour that was localized and had not spread through my body.  I don't even need chemotherapy nor radiation - just regular checkups and ultra sounds or XRay. I was so happy and overjoyed, grateful"

 

Praise God.  I'm so happy for you BarbaraTherese. Obviously, He has more plans for you this side of Heaven.  I'm stayin' tuned!

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Thanks MM and very much, but I had to smile.  If you knew the journey that lay behind me, it has been a real hair (and hell I suspect strongly/know) raiser at times!  I'm staying tuned too :popcorn:.  Praise The Lord in all things regardless indeed!  Every little and great circumstance etc. in our lives are sent or permitted by The Lord.  Our response dictates whether all in our lives shall give Glory to The Father (through the Power of The Holy Spirit) or not. 

 

 Since shifting here mandatorily 3.5 years ago, it has been such a joy in sound mental health and the quiet, solitude and silence in the main - a sedate and dignified life for a now 67yr old -  and completely opposite to the way of life I had for 30 years in my previous suburb and, of course, at the same time journeying for many years with a mental illness like Bipolar and me having a very serious dose of it and up until 10 years ago a very active and quite nasty brand of Bipolar.  At times in my previous suburb, I have no idea how I actually survived with literally my head still on my shoulders nor a bullet in my head.  I did upset an awful lot of people at times and the type of people one would be most wise to just never upset. At times I had no idea that I was walking through fire and brimstone as it were - completely oblivious to it all and naïve!  My brother is walking round (and though a practising Catholic something of a cynic on some subjects) saying "This is a %***?# miracle!" re my successful surgery, such a mild diagnosis of a huge tumour, and now my rapid recovery.  And to me it was a miracle that I did stay alive in Elizabeth, South Australia, and my previous suburb beset in a major way by dire poverty and every kind of imaginable social problem.  This was contrasted with much carefully hidden wealth in pockets due to exploitation and development of every single socially and morally contemptible means including the exploitation of people, especially our youth, without qualm nor hesitation - what seemed like the complete absence of awareness of people as fellow human beings and any sort of morality whatsoever.  The one exception was not a morality but a command of those who ruled Elizabeth -  that no one should speak up or the consequences dire. 

                 Early in my time in Elizabeth, I realized that what I had to do was infiltrate without sacrificing my selfhood.  "If you can't beat 'em - infiltrate" was my motto.  When I shifted to Elizabeth and was first granted an SA Housing government house, I was rather quiet and gentle, somewhat refined I guess.  I had been born and raised, lived to that point on the 'other side of town'.   I had to learn I knew to become street wise and to be able to swagger and swear with the best of them.  In fact, a bikie once said to me after I told him off for something or other in fine Aussie language: "Lady, when you get going, you could make a bikie blush!"

I remember once I had on my answering machine "Take good care out there and remember we aint bullet proof - and don't stick your neck out, that's my department.  And remember those are real bullets they be firing".  A police detective had occasion to ring me and in closing said laughing "Do you mind if we adopt your answering machine message?" Replied I : "Not at all" and when we hung up, I promptly removed it and replaced with a polite "No one is available to take your call, please leave a message"

 

What might lay ahead I don't know but I do know that I am on the greatest adventure any person could have.  The very greatest!  And with my hand in the Hand of The Man who stilled the waters - oh yeah, sometimes I let go and then suddenly I can 'feel a Hand gripping mine'.

 

A priest once said to me "I know what you are, Barb,  you are a prophet!"

"Back right off, Father, I know what happened to the prophets"

Father replied "And yes, you would be right"

"Geeee, thanks Father, for all the comfort and consolation!

.................and just what I needed right now" :buddies:

 

 (Most prophets came to a very sticky end and at the hands of the people they were sent to try to save)

 

Thank you MM for the prayers and mine are with all on Phatmass and in a special way those in this thread - your prayer has borne fruit..........I am still alive and kicking with a strong feeling something or other lay ahead.  :dance6:  I only said to my director a few month's before the tumour announced it's presence and I was headed for surgery, that I was aware of something ahead somewhere but didn't know if it was real nor positive or negative.  My hope is that my life will again settle into silence and solitude, quiet once more and totally, more totally than before - and no reason in reality to think that it won't, except for a niggling feeling somewhere or other.

  Perhaps my past is going to catch up with me :help:  Goodness knows, I have provoked it often enough like a bull at a gate while my prayer and hope is that it never will.  I figure this way.  I lived at the same address in Elizabeth for 30 years and nothing really serious every happened physically...........is it time to go in again like........?..............

 

My distinct preference is for a very quiet, sedate and serene way of life - but then we can only play whatever cards we are dealt (the circumstances in which we find ourselves through Divine Providence).

 

 

In fact since surgery, I am sleeping more soundly but not as long.  I did think that 8 - 10 hrs was a long time for a  60-something year old.  Since coming home, I am sleeping very soundly some 6 or 7 hours and waking feeling better than I ever have and sufficiently early to spend time in prayer before my day commences.  300mg of Seroquel (anti-psychotic) each night would put a raging bull to sleep!  My other psychiatric medication is 600mg of Tegretol (mood stabilizer) - and oh what wondrous Gifts of God my psychiatric meds are to me!  Although at this point my day is very restricted in mobility and I can only potter and not lift or push etc. and not at all my usual norm.   Hence "these endless lines of useless poetry" (line from an old poem of mine")

 

Ah well, something or other lay ahead for us all and I have a healthy mistrust of feelings and awarenesses unless borne out and obvious, overt, in broad daylight and everyday normal and the common reality shared by the majority.  Mental Illness can make one think that way after many soujourns into psychosis and non reality, off the planet.  A most bizarre and most often quite overt and horrific world to self and all around one though never self-violence nor anything remotely violent, not even in speech, towards others.  Rather my psychotic world turned in on me in many efforts at destruction that could last days to weeks to months perhaps even over a year.

 

  I am still checking in every second day with Belinda, my psychiatrist - she thinks I am still on Sanity Road. I am entirely humbled and grateful for Belinda and I trust her assessments implicitly and nothing I cannot share with her, feel reluctant to share or hold back.  She knows this has been major stress and sometimes I can sail through major stress and then when all is resolved, along comes Bipolar - slow walking, fast talking Bipolar!  I am praying and hoping not until my life can settle again into something that is the norm for me anyway nowadays and that I can cruise along quietly, serenely and prayerfully in Bethany for a while until I can find my 'sea legs' once more and a normal rhythm of life, whatever indeed it is.  But then The Lord always provides in His Divine Providence along with all necessary Graces to meet our circumstances in Him.  I don't find all this spare time and reduced mobility easy - it is penitential.  Penitential even though I have four good books I am yet to read, a sketch on a canvass almost ready for painting with some really good paint on hand.  TV is no good at this time, as programs are appalling - and yesterday The Crows got beaten by The Dockers in a very tight and vigorously fought match right up to the siren! (Aussie football). But we still got beaten and not at all the best of results, but well fought and great match, Adelaide Crows!  One's team beaten and it does dampen the weekend rather.

What is sanity or normality?  It is an imaginary and ever shifting line set by society and various embraced communities within it's square and borders in order to enforce what keeps it stable and safe at tried and tested as working and workable status quo, the known, to my mind.  And don't rock the boat or society etc. comes down on one like ye olde proverbial ton of bricks!    Or as I wrote in a poem some years ago :

 

"And $3.20 Oxazepam keeps on keeping me from their crypt"

 

(Oxazepam is a major tranquilizer HERE ) I use it as a PRN or emergency medication only.  15mgs will allow me to function normally without a care in the world whatsoever no matter what is happening.  30mg will put me to sleep within 45 mins soundly and for over 6hrs or more, if I should anticipate a bad night for some reason.  30 tablets will last me probably 4 months or more.  It is of vital importance that Oxazepam is never ever used on a regular basis - and to date thankfully, I have never had a need to do so apparent.

"Their crypt" refers to psychiatric wards/hospitals - they are appalling places of much extreme suffering packed shoulder to shoulder as it were - there is no escaping from suffering - one's own and that of others, on a psychiatric ward and in a quite major way.

Medicine and those who practise it in any form including nursing and medications are to me God's Gift to mankind in the struggle against suffering.  Again and again, The Lord has revealed to me in quite very ordinary ways that this is so certainly in my case.  And I am no island, if it can work for this human being, it can work for others too.  No trick, just ensure you feel you have a good doctor and then listen to what he or she has to say, be very honest with them always - honest and open in all things. AND.......AND....AND take your mediation as prescribed.  If there are some sort of nasty side effects or anything else negative, speak with your doctor about it - honestly and openly.  Nowadays a certain type of medication can have endless almost varieties and if one doesn't work, another probably will and it takes patience and experimentation to find out which actually will work for one.  Been there, done that, and plenty of times.  Finally, never ever leave The Lord out of all and any equations, circumstances.  He is right in there with us in every way and knows the whole deal far more intimately than we ever can.

 

Phewwww.............is that a load off my mind!  Apologies all!

 

 

 

[Guest Allie]

:nun1:

[BarbTherese]

:nun1:

 

Allie - I don't now whether you are an absolute diamond or ............ a problem!  (Laughing Allie - I am very much aware that you are indeed an absolute diamond and a gem of a person!)

 

 You duck into this thread and without words at all give me all the encouragement I need to rave on and on and on.  I luvya gal and I thank The Lord for you daily for the gift that you are - and that all your dreams and hopes will be fulfilled.

 

Update.  The District Nurse calls here to dress the lower roughly 10cm of the surgery wound, which is slow in healing.  She calls twice weekly. The slow healing is due to the fact that years ago the same spot has been opened twice before.  Once due to an ectopic pregnancy and then again for repair work in the region of uterus and ovaries.  Right at the top of the 10cm there has appeared a small dot almost of infection with an area of redness around it.  Immediately after the DN left, I made an appointment with my doctor same day.  He has taken a swab of the 'dot' to send off for analysis and I have an appointment on Thur.  6th June 2013 afternoon (Tues 4th June 2013 today, 4.36pm),  He didn't put me on antibiotics at my appointment yesterday when he took the swab, as he would like the results of the swab first so he can determine the best type of antibiotics to use.

Other than the above which the doctor thinks is, on sighting only, is simply a skin infection and even the more serious type of post surgical infections can be quite successfully treated especially if treated early and with me this is so. Anyway, other than the infection, I am continue to travel Recovery Road very quickly indeed.  The upper part of the surgical wound is totally healed - and looks as if the surgeon used a ruler, with slight detour round the navel - and a perfect "U"shape!   :)

 

Today, Garry, my brother dropped in to visit and give me some beautiful lamb chops (about 20 in number).  His youngest son, Thomas, is a butcher and insists that I do not pay, which is wonderful although great meat costing me nothing will not work for me in the long term since he insists I don't pay and I am too proud (major fault) and too independent (another fault) to accept such a situation.  It has been very important to me in my journey once put onto the pension (in Aust considered below poverty level) that I can pay my own way in every way and how I have defined my personal private vow of Poverty - in one area anyway.  If he continues to insist he supply me with meat and not pay, then I shall most graciously accept and as a donation to The Lord for one of His most least.

On leaving today, Garry noticed that the aerial cord to my TV ran to a connection in another room.  He is going to have the aerial properly installed as a gift which I accepted with much gratitude.  It is truly astounding since I first established "Bethany" as a way of life and name of my residence (and its been in a couple of suburbs over the past 40yrs or less, or more..........I am truly dreadful with dates and years and things in that vein.) just how many people have donated to Bethany and I regard it as belonging to all as a way of life and the name of a certain type of residence, wherever it is established. I am simply the caretaker steward.

When my son and his partner were here from interstate, I had asked him to try to adjust my TV, which was an old one and giving me problems at times.  He tried for a while but could not fix it.  Later they went out and came home with a huge flat screen TV for Bethany.  I don't know if it is high definition or not but it is certainly a much clearer image than my old TV - and it most certainly does have surround or stereo sound.

 

My other brother, Mick, took me out to lunch and then shopping for some groceries after Garry left.

 

I am changing within and dramatically and am very much aware of change taking place and quickly - so much so that I find it a matter on which to frown in some confusion  - a sort of:  "What on earth is going on?"  I have never been conscious of interior change actually taking place ever before. This change is in a very positive direction, it seems to me, and so it is of no real concern to me, not at all, whenever and however the change process concludes. 

[BarbTherese]

.................no signs whatsoever of all the rest of my faults and failings undergoing change in a positive direcftion whatsoever.  I can't help but be thankful since if all or many of my faults and failings were eliminated, I would feel like a complete stranger - someone I did not know at all masquerading as me,

 

,,,,mmmmm,,,,,,,,,Who is the "I" who would not know the new "me" if all my faults and failings vanished - and who is the "me" in the first place!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..... very interesting and put on the 'prayerfully think about it at some point' shelf.   

 

 

Ahhhh the Bipolar mind!