Abdomen Mass

[BarbTherese]

Last Friday 19th April after an ultrasound and then a CT scan a large mass 26x26x16diameter was found in my abdomen - unable to state much more as apparently it is too large to see much.  Today the hospital rang me advising of an appointment on Mon 29th April 2013 with a gynaecologist and later advised my doctor that the gaeno wanted also a chest XRay and a CA125(Tumour Marker Test) before my appointment.  The report with the CT scan said "The appearances are highly suggestive of ovarian carcinoma". 

I have to see my doctor Friday (tomorrow here is ANZAC Day and a public holiday) to arrange the XRay and CA125, so things are moving pretty quickly.  I have not been advised not tokeep my Monday appoint with the gyno but will double check with my doctor this Friday when I get the referral for the further tests whatever.

I was a very heavy chain smoker until about 8 or 10 years ago (I am dreadful with dates) and I have resolved to myslef, I can't moan if I get cancer as I smoked so heavily for so many years.

 

At this point, however, it could be anything until I actually have surgery whenever that comes up after seeing the gaeno on Monday.  If it is ovarian carcinoma it can be treated often by full hysterectomy and then chemo/Google says.  My only concern with that is that I will loose all my hair :wedgie: rotfl  Since I had my pic taken with our Archbishop last Saturday evening after Vigil Mass, I am going to apply for special permission to wear a veil!!!! rotfl

 

.  Vanity of Vanity, all is vanity and mostly vanity here!  Google tells me it can also at times be treated by XRay and the great thing about this is despite some side effects, according to Google, is that one does not loose one's hair, and I am fully consoled in every way. :saint2:

 

Our pp had occasion to ring me last night and I explained what I then knew last night which was only that I had a large mass oi my abdomen and that I needed to go to Confession, at which I heard a different tone and simply "Oh".  I said, dont be concerned Father it is about a 5 minute job and I went to Confession not long ago and that I am fully prepared for the best and being fully back on deck again - and fully prepared also for the 'worst' in which case, I am no longer be available by phone nor email.  Father will annoint me in Confession.  I went with my spiritual director a few months ago to an Anointing Mass for The Sick.

 

My only real concern besides potentially loosing my hair of course, is my two sons. If the worst should come to the worst and not the worst at all, it will be a suffering to know I am bringing suffering to my sons whom I know will really miss me.  We are very ver close.  Thank goodness they both have lovely and supportive partners and they all seem to be in love.  God is Good!  My sons and family have really rallied round me since I was told of the abdomen mass.  My brother called this morning and brought with him some lovely flowers.  I am rather basking in all the attention and fuss and bother and being chauffeured everywhere.  I have had to leave St Vinnies and working in their head office - and asked if I could re-apply once I was back on my feet and was met with "Barb, we will really welcome you back anytime".  So that warmed me up too.  This morning I went shopping for nightwear and some good books and managed to pick up some good paint cheap - and I mean good artist paint - as I have a canvas sketched out and happy about I think but was waiting to paint it until I had some really good paint.  Hence a little shopping spree just for myself has lifted my spirits way up somewhere high too - not that they have ever been down since my jolly abdomen revealed its contents.  I have also had to give up taking in ironing (doc says take it easy - and as you can see, I truly am doing so).  Shopping today I bought three great novels, I have one on the way from the Catholic bookshop which was not in stock at the time I ordered it.

I have plenty to make my waiting enjoyable (never my strong point is peaceful patience :coffee:

 

). I can paint, sketch, write, and I can read to my heart's content - and in hospital I have promised myself a personal individual TV.  Today too I bought myself a reasonably priced new lipstick (I intend to look my very best I can in hospital) and I rather do like the colour.  Altho I may have to abandon it once the Archbishop gives me permission to wear a veil :shocking:  (akchuly, it has occured to me that wearing a veil if I have chemo is not a mortal sin.  I never was good with rules and regulations. Knowing how Merciful The Lord indeed in in His Abandond almost crazy Love of us all, I just might order a veil just in case I have chemo, and I know that The Lord will fully understand....He well knows the suffering vanity can bring to me and would not want to add to it in any way............and well He knows too that I always was lousy with rules and regulations abounding and abounding and abounding :cuss: )  ............and then abounding some more :cuss: :cuss: :cuss:............and then some more! :wall:

 

 

 

 

 

I had put on so much weight lately, largely on my stomache and I truly look as if I must be nine months pregnant, that when I saw my psychiatrist at a regular appointment last week, I did a right song and dance telling her I had to change my medication as Seroquel was piling on the weight.  I stood up, but my hands under my abdomen, and said "Look at me, I look like I am 9 months pregnant".  So my doc agreed to take me off Seroquel (notorious for weight increase)and change to Stelazine, which had treated me kindly in the past - and both my doc and me are aware of the nasty side effect of Stelazine that can/could occur as potential only.  So now I have to ring up my psyche and profoundly apologize and explain what is actually in my abdomen - and not attributed to Seroquel in any way at all.  So rather than change medication at a time of stress I am sure, it will be back to good old Seroquel which has served me well insofar as Bipolar per se is concerned.

 

As usual, a little novel from me, rather than those brief, concise and so very well expressed, to the point posts I so admire - but never have I had the gift of brevity and to the point.  At the time God handed them out, I was still inthe gift of talking que!!!  They say that sex and humour relieves stress and tension - in my case it is writing and humour.

 

Please pray for me that good spirits and trust absolutely in The Lord and His Will whatever it may be will persevere in this profound Peace and Joy (and it is not a case of delayed shock!!!!!).  Pray that those wonderful gifts will remain with me for my own sake, but also for the sake of my family especially my sons, and no matter what lay ahead. That my sons and family will not grieve me (listen to me willya!) for too long at all, and that the money left over from my funeral policy will be used to hit the pub and celebrate my life in very human ways and with thanksgiving and joy that the burden I have been was lifted before I said "Au revoir! - until we meet again and we will, I know".  If all is well and I am back on my feet into the fray once again, then thanksgiving will be in order well and truly and from me too.  But the adventure of what might lay at the other side of earthly life is not painful to date, and so thanksgiving in order for terminal illness also, if that raises it's head.  Death is a strange Samaritan, but a Good Samaritan it is.  The thought of life going on here on earth without radical change, improvement etc. etc i.e. a "new earth" - now that would be a case for grief in our lives.  Death rescues us from that terrible thought.

 

Will keep you updated and thank you very much for your prayers.  I was on the blower (phone) when I got home from the ultrasound to my Carmelite prioress before I unpacked my handbag.  Ahhhhh Carmelite prayers - I shall be a diamond in their crown.  Their prayers have wrought miracles, truly, in my life.  I have never rung Carmel nor prayed to Our Lady without an immediate obvious response of some kind.  Never!

 

I was talking to my Carmelite prioress, one day, chatting away as normal :

 

"Sister, I dont know why I only turn with great devotion and ardour indeed to Our Lady when I am desperate.  Why do you think I only do that then?  I always get some sort of an answer almost immediately"

 

Replies Sister "Our Lady well knows you never bother her unnecessarily"   Our Lady Help of Christian's Solemnity is on the 24th May.   She is the Patron of Australia.

 

I think I said I would keep you in the loop and I will at each stage of this journey in the overall journey of life. :)

 

If you read all that - then God bless you richly and what a Grace it is to have done so -  and I thank you for reading and for your prayer.  Amen.