The Value Of Discernment

[Sister Marie]

Sometimes it can seem that discernment is just a means to an end - a way to find out what God desires for your life.  I think though that discernment has a spiritual value in and of itself and that the process of discerning is sometimes more important, in terms of growth in the spiritual life, than making a decision and entering a community (or doing whatever it is you are trying to discern about).

 

I think that there is sometimes a feeling of needing to rush to find a community, an apostolate, a spirituality, an answer... when God is speaking in the here and now through the experiences that are currently happening. 

 

I'm not trying to preach - I'm in a position right now of having to discern a decision and its hard to focus on the process and not the end result but I think a lot of gifts can come from giving value to the journey instead of focusing only on the destination. 

 

Good discernment, while difficult, shouldn't result in feelings of frustration, bitterness, or impatience... Good discernment should have fruits that are from God; peace, courage, and patience. 

 

So, if you want to share, what good things have come from your discernment?  What have you learned about yourself?  What gifts has God given you?  How do you think your discernment is preparing you for the vocation God has called you to? 

[MarysLittleFlower]

I've never thought of it that way! :) that's a really good point...

 

I think with my discernment, I think one thing I've been learning is the importance of trusting God. Because it's so easy to get stressed out and scared about the future, and it helps to remember that He has a plan and knows what would happen :) and that His plan is good, and whatever situations might occur, He already knows about them too. Also, trusting by surrendering this "not knowing..." ... it's often difficult to experience uncertainty, but it can help to learn more trust :) any uncertainty or difficulty...or any trial.

Edited April 7, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower

[Sister Marie]

It's nice to hear what has been "good" in your discernment!  I'm sure wherever God leads you, that virtue will be one that you will be able to depend on. 

 

It's good to remember what God has done for us and thank Him for it, even though we haven't reached our destinations yet (and none of us have since its Heaven, haha!)

[Gabriela]

I still remember the moment I realized that discerning my vocation in life was going to take a long time. Once I realized that, I slowed down. I had been in a terrible hurry before that moment. I think this is one way God is teaching me to be patient (which I am most definitely NOT by nature), to live in the moment, to wait for Him (oh my gosh, He is SO SLOW! LOL), to trust that He's got the future all worked out, and, knowing that, to not worry so much, not try to control everything...

 

Basically, I'm learning lots from discernment. But it's all terribly (/wonderfully) difficult and time-consuming!

[Kayte Postle]

I most definitely have learned a lot of patience and trust in God. When I first started discerning it was very fast, overwhelming, and I was very controlling in the situation. "I'm going to enter X community in Y years", was my mentality, and I wasn't even fully catholic yet! The Lord has been so good to me, despite my failings. Now I have the trust that He will lead me when and where I need to be. Until then I am just enjoying falling more in Love with Him each day. I love how it has helped me to grow overall. I used to be so concerned with having "the plan" for my life all worked out, and I spent many nights worrying about that plan. Now I have a peace that God has it worked out, He's perfect ya know. I just here to follow His will.

 

Currently I'm on a discernment break, I'm newly catholic, so I'm waiting minimum 2 years before I actively discern. I'm really peaceful about waiting on His timing, I couldn't ask for more.

[OnlySunshine]

Sometimes it can seem that discernment is just a means to an end - a way to find out what God desires for your life.  I think though that discernment has a spiritual value in and of itself and that the process of discerning is sometimes more important, in terms of growth in the spiritual life, than making a decision and entering a community (or doing whatever it is you are trying to discern about).

 

I think that there is sometimes a feeling of needing to rush to find a community, an apostolate, a spirituality, an answer... when God is speaking in the here and now through the experiences that are currently happening. 

 

I'm not trying to preach - I'm in a position right now of having to discern a decision and its hard to focus on the process and not the end result but I think a lot of gifts can come from giving value to the journey instead of focusing only on the destination. 

 

Good discernment, while difficult, shouldn't result in feelings of frustration, bitterness, or impatience... Good discernment should have fruits that are from God; peace, courage, and patience. 

 

So, if you want to share, what good things have come from your discernment?  What have you learned about yourself?  What gifts has God given you?  How do you think your discernment is preparing you for the vocation God has called you to? 

 

I couldn't agree more!  But I used to be guilty of wanting answer RIGHT NOW!  It made my head spin in circles trying to figure out which community I was called to.  I believe now that I am called to be a Consecrated Virgin and I'm working with the Sisters in my parish.  I am no longer feeling rushed or frustration -- I used to say that I was at peace before but now I'm really peaceful with my decision to stop discerning religious life.  I have learned so much about myself and what I am capable of.  I was thinking today at Mass how God is challenging me to help me be the best I can be.  Part of the reason I was looking forward to join a community was because I don't like praying the Rosary or the Liturgy of the Hours by myself.  Obviously, that is not a reason to join, but it was something that I thought I needed.  However, I would get a lot more out of teaching and disciplining myself rather than taking the "easy way out." The more I learn about this particular vocation of Consecrated Virginity, the more I think that this is probably what God was calling me to all along but experiencing religious life through retreats have helped me grow spiritually so I am more prepared.  I love religious life but I love my parish community, too, and I just cannot fathom leaving.  All along, when I was applying to join the last order, I kept thinking, "I hope I get to visit often because I am seriously going to miss it here."  I've grown so close to my parish community and pastor and I am really attached to the ministries I am serving in.  I posted more about this earlier here:

 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/127981-home-is-where-the-heart-is/?p=2561725

 

I wouldn't trade the experiences I have had for anything in the world.  I have so much respect for religious and priests now that I've discerned myself.  Discernment doesn't end when you enter religious life or become a Consecrated Virgin (or whathaveyou) -- it is lifelong.  We should always be trying to listen to what God is telling us right now instead of what we desperately want for our future.  We could be missing some valuable lessons by trying to rush God.  And we should all know that it's impossible to rush God -- He works on His own time and nothing will change that.  :)
 

Edited April 8, 2013 by MaterMisericordiae

[OnlySunshine]

Also, I wanted to post a beautiful song here that I think coincides with the message of waiting and discerning.  Sometimes, it helps to just slow down, take some deep breaths and be content with where we are at this very moment.  If God wants you in religious life, nothing will stop Him.  But, until your time comes, focus on spending time with Him in other ways.  Know that He is always with you.  As the song says, "Be still, my love.  Know that I am God."  :)

 

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGFohQ0NIUY[/media]

[Sister Marie]

I love that song mater! Thanks for all your thoughts!

You are a great example of good discernment.

[beatitude]

For me, I think the most important lesson is that I will always have times when I experience wistfulness, a little bit of envy, and a few what-ifs. I used to think that once you had found your vocation, you would have this great sense of fulfillment, and you would never catch yourself second-guessing your choice or wondering what life might be like if you had done something different. Now I know that this isn't true.

 

Sometimes I look at religious communities, especially contemplative ones (the Hermits of Bethlehem, for example) and feel that their life is so beautiful and so necessary and so rich, and I almost wish that I had that calling. But I don't have it. I notice that I catch myself thinking like this whenever I'm struggling in prayer or my life feels a bit drab and mundane. I romanticise it, basically. In reality I know that if I lived that life I would still have the same old distractions in prayer and there would be days when everything seems to have lost its colour. Life as a single woman in the world is stretching and challenging me, and I'm at home in it, but there will always be days when we want to run away from home. ;) And I think this is one of the greatest discernment traps there are - thinking that restlessness and a romantic yearning for a particular way of life are a true call.

 

Another thing I've learned is not to try and interpret everything that happens in my life as a sign. I used to do this quite a lot. Some things just happen because they happen, and you enjoy them more if you just leave them be rather than trying to squeeze some special meaning out of them.

[OnlySunshine]

For me, I think the most important lesson is that I will always have times when I experience wistfulness, a little bit of envy, and a few what-ifs. I used to think that once you had found your vocation, you would have this great sense of fulfillment, and you would never catch yourself second-guessing your choice or wondering what life might be like if you had done something different. Now I know that this isn't true.

 

Sometimes I look at religious communities, especially contemplative ones (the Hermits of Bethlehem, for example) and feel that their life is so beautiful and so necessary and so rich, and I almost wish that I had that calling. But I don't have it. I notice that I catch myself thinking like this whenever I'm struggling in prayer or my life feels a bit drab and mundane. I romanticise it, basically. In reality I know that if I lived that life I would still have the same old distractions in prayer and there would be days when everything seems to have lost its colour. Life as a single woman in the world is stretching and challenging me, and I'm at home in it, but there will always be days when we want to run away from home. ;) And I think this is one of the greatest discernment traps there are - thinking that restlessness and a romantic yearning for a particular way of life are a true call.

 

Another thing I've learned is not to try and interpret everything that happens in my life as a sign. I used to do this quite a lot. Some things just happen because they happen, and you enjoy them more if you just leave them be rather than trying to squeeze some special meaning out of them.

 

You make some very good points.  I think it's important to be honest with yourself and know your strengths and weaknesses.  Of course, God always tries to challenge us to move beyond our comfort zone and that is the most difficult but it helps to remember the old saying of "grace builds upon nature."  I don't think God would ever call us to something we would never be comfortable with or truly at peace with.  Even if the contemplative life is attractive (which I know what you mean because I've experienced the same thing), it does not always mean that you have the call to enter a monastery.  Not everyone is called to enter a monastery.  God needs all sorts to do His work -- prayer, evangelization, missionary work, etc.  If everyone entered one particular way of life, how boring and dull would that be?  St. Therese said some very important words that I have been trying to remember:

 

“The splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily
do not rob the little violet of it’s scent nor the daisy of its simple charm.
If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.”

 

“If I did not simply live from one moment to another, it would be impossible for me to be patient, but I only look at the present, I forget the past, and I take good care not to forestall the future.”

[Guest Allie]

Growing in trust continues to be the ongoing lesson for me: Trust in God.  Trust in my relationship with God.  Trust in the Church. Trust in those He has given me for guidance.  Trust in the process.  Just trust.

[FutureSister2009]

This is something I did need to hear. I've really struggled a lot with patience all my life and I think learning to be patient and put all of my trust in God is something that is going to really be beneficial to me.

[nikita92]

Learning a lot .....

[TheresaThoma]

For me I have been learning that discernment is definitely more about the journey than about the end. Also I have found that even when I feel certain about something but I'm not able to do it yet that means that God has something better and/or different in mind for me. 

 

One sister I know described her vocation journey as a series of little "yes-es". I think this is a great way to describe discernment/vocation. I think we feel sometimes that we have to give one BIG yes. Rather if we see it as a series of yes-es then we can learn to enjoy the journey. And sometimes those yes-es can take us on some beautiful unexpected side trips. For me one of the yeses in my discernment was agreeing to be a sponsor in my parish's RCIA program.  This challenged me to go deeper in my faith and showed me the beauty of spiritual motherhood. It has also shaped my discernment because I realized that sharing my faith in this particular form is something I enjoy and feel called to do. Thus I looked at communities that have RCIA as an apostolate. 

[EmilyAnn]

I have thought about this a lot, wondering why God would lead me to discern religious life and then lead me away from that. For a long time I was very confused, but eventually I realised that my discernment taught me to stand up for myself and not let my decisions be determined by what other people (specifically my family) want or expect from me.