Lilllabettt Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) Taking a page out of Icey's book and giving to every half decent post you see eh? I take offense sir my posts are wholly decent Edited April 5, 2013 by Lilllabettt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roamin Catholic Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 :| what's it to ya? Don't be so loose with your propping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Maybe they aren't actually engaging in immoral activity, but cohabitating out of financial reasons? Maybe they deny it because they're afraid if they told anyone, everyone would automatically assume the worst? Sure, they could be doing all sorts of immoral things. But it sounds like a really gossipy situation. Whatever the reason may be "someone in a position of authority in the diocese*" cohabitating outside of marriage is scandalous to the faithful of the diocese, especially the young adults. *I would assume that "someone in a position of authority in the diocese" would either be a volunteer minister active in the diocese in some way, or a diocesan staff member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) Don't be so loose with your propping. you might say that I'm a shameless PDA-showing hussy with my props. . :| Edited April 6, 2013 by Lil Red Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Whatever the reason may be "someone in a position of authority in the diocese*" cohabitating outside of marriage is scandalous to the faithful of the diocese, especially the young adults. *I would assume that "someone in a position of authority in the diocese" would either be a volunteer minister active in the diocese in some way, or a diocesan staff member. Yeah, it's definitely a problem that it's happening... But I think the other side of it that usually gets ignored is WHY is everyone so obsessed with gossiping about it? People have asked them about it and they've denied it, which should be the end of it. Why are their "friends" who know the truth telling other people? This should be something that's worked out between them and their priest. And I thought scandal was more like, "oh, look, Good Catholic Chrissy is sleeping with her boyfriend, that must mean it's okay for good Catholics to sleep with their boyfriends!" That's hardly ever what happens. What happens is "OMG Good Catholic Chrissy is sleeping with her boyfriend and she won't even own up to it! How terrible is she! Insert more juicy gossip!" You'd think Christians would be the ones who should be most willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 offtopic. I don't drink (doctors orders) so I have had occasion to be in a bar exactly once. a couple posts referred to the fact that this happened in a bar as a factor mitigating against it being socially offensive. So. Am I to take it that people are generally more "hands on" in a bar than they would be in say, an ihop? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatitude Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I agree with what Basilia and HCF have said here. I lived with my boyfriend for over a year (back when I had a boyfriend, before I realised my vocation). We told other people it was for financial reasons, and that was true enough - he had a part-time minimum wage job and he could never have rented his own place with that. What we didn't say was why he had taken that part-time job in my area to begin with. I had mental health difficulties at the time, and I needed help. I needed help not just from the paid support worker who helps me with my practical day-to-day living stuff (I have neuro disabilities too), but from someone who could reassure me and sit with me if I felt awful in the night and take me to the supermarket at weird hours (I was often too scared to go out of the apartment when there were lots of people about) and get me to my shifts at work on time so I could still have some semblance of a normal life. He volunteered for all of that and more, and he did a wonderful job. Our relationship was chaste, but I know non-Catholics took it for granted that we were sleeping together and Catholics assumed. I resented that, but I was too ill to make a fuss, and I certainly wasn't going to out myself as being mentally unwell in order to justify myself to people who were gossiping. I shouldn't have needed to. You can't know why people are doing what they do. As Catholics our place is not to look down on anyone, but always give the benefit of the doubt and to lead as far as we can through example. Tufsoles, your list of possible reactions to what you saw - urges to overeat, to have a tantrum, to cut contact with these people - would not have been great reactions even if the couple had been doing something really terrible. They suggest that the couple didn't just offend your moral sensibilities, but they touched a raw nerve somehow. Now, I hate witnessing PDA too - even if it's well within the bounds of what's acceptable in public. Once I was on the train and I saw the guy sitting opposite me rest his hand on his girlfriend's knee. He wasn't passionately fondling her or anything, he only did it for a couple of seconds, but it still made me feel quite anxious and even a little angry at them. The prospect of being stuck in the train with them when they might touch each other again at any moment made it worse. But that was not their problem, it was mine, and I was at least able to see that. Next I had to ask myself why I felt this way. I'm uncomfortable with any suggestion of sexual or romantic contact. I do have some legitimate reasons for that, but I need to be sure that I don't impose my own irrational ideas - however rational they might be as a response to my own personal experiences - on other people. If I feel anxious or angry enough for it to be a problem, I need to remove myself from the situation until I calm down. This is the only way forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 (edited) offtopic. I don't drink (doctors orders) so I have had occasion to be in a bar exactly once. a couple posts referred to the fact that this happened in a bar as a factor mitigating against it being socially offensive. So. Am I to take it that people are generally more "hands on" in a bar than they would be in say, an ihop? Yes. Lots of people go to bars specifically to meet people in a super casual atmosphere. Lots of times on the weekend there can be live music at a bar and people listen and talk over it and do whatever. It's a little bit different when you're there for a presentation and discussion, but not super different. TOT happens in bars because they want to take advantage of a super casual atmosphere where people feel comfortable to lower their guard a bit. Usually that lowering of your guard happens in order to find a date, but it can also happen to get people to talk about things they wouldn't normally talk about, like religion. Edited April 6, 2013 by Basilisa Marie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tufsoles Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 Maybe they aren't actually engaging in immoral activity, but cohabitating out of financial reasons? Maybe they deny it because they're afraid if they told anyone, everyone would automatically assume the worst? Sure, they could be doing all sorts of immoral things. But it sounds like a really gossipy situation. From what I understand they are both well to do but I have no clue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tufsoles Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 Tufsoles, the fact that you struggle not to have a public meltdown is concerning. It's great you didn't do it this time but are you getting help from a doctor for this problem? It happens but it is due to lot of times that people say that they will help me out esp.my dad. and they fail on their end. I do get counseling for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 He works for the diocese. That can't be "well off." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tufsoles Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 They run their own business along with the diocesan job that is well to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeorgiiMichael Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 darnit, i'm out of props. but props to Basilisa and HCF. Props given. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roamin Catholic Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 They run their own business along with the diocesan job that is well to do. Not all business even make money, especially a lot of it. The fact that they hold second jobs is probably a good indicator that they don't have a large net income off of the business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tufsoles Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 actually it is the other way around in this situation. I know that not all businesses make a ton of money but this person primary job is the diocesan job. What you stated is usually the case but not this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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