I Am Proud Of Myself

[dominicansoul]

well, seeing that I wasn't there and I can't imagine how bad it was, tuf, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.  But to be honest, you really have to pray before chastising people by email.  Did you wait awhile so that your annoyance subsided?  Sometimes it helps to wait.  Believe me, I've learned not to do that.  I hurt people I really love because of annoyances I had at that moment.  If I would just wait and pray about things, I wouldn't lose as much... 

 

The only thing that would have upset me is if the couple had their tongues down each others throats and they were making all those gross slurpy sounds...then and only then would I have said something right at that moment.  OR I would have walked out, forget the Theology, go up to the bar and order a large pitcher of brew and relax for the rest of the evening... :beer:  

[IcePrincessKRS]

I blame you for the lack of modesty in our society. 

Mea culpa.

[Roamin Catholic]

 making all those gross slurpy sounds...

 

I'm going to find the nearest 7-11 now.

[AnneLine]

Tufsoles,

 

I think I can see both sides of this.  If you have a history of letting people have it publicly and with both barrels at that moment, it sounds like this really was big restraint on your part, and I'll commend you for that.

 

I also don't think it was that big a deal, but I wasn't there, so it's hard to say... so like DS, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.   I've been in small rooms, and I know how distracting and uncomfortable to people who aren't paired up it can be to have a couple flirting in a very obvious way.  HOWEVER, I also think that a certain amount of it is just fine in a Theo on Tap type of situation.  However, it might depend on the nature of the discussion.... if people are talking about the passion, or about how to not sin against the 6th Commandment or something, it might not be appropriate.  But sometimes I do think we are way too hard on eachother.

 

I try to stay away from growling at people by email.  In any way, shape or form.  Because if I don't have the guts to say something to someone's face, it seems wrong to growl at them by long distance.  And because in my experience, my intent and tone can be misunderstood very easily by email.   And it can be taken out of context.  And it can get forwarded all over hell and gone before it gets put back into context.  I've learned the hard way that even if I am right, writing an email is seldom the best option for dealing with it.

 

If there is someone in charge of the group, I might have asked that person what s/he thought to see if others perceived what I was seeing.   My husband and I had a lot of discussion when we first started dating about whether it was appropriate to hold hands in public when others were present.  My thought was, of course, are you mad?   His thought was, it's hard for others who aren't paired up to see that... it hurts.   And he was speaking from his own experience.  But when I explained to him why it was important for ME to have the experience of hand holding, and yes, of doing that before others, we both grew in our relationship and in how we chose to express it.  I'm more aware of NOT doing it when it might make someone uncomfortable... he's more aware of the value of showing publicly that we are a couple.

 

Just my 2 cents....

[Tufsoles]

I never realized that showing affection was a poor example. Here I've been setting an awful example for other couples for over a decade. :ohno:

 

Public affection is fine but when they did it was not good timing. I guess that I expect at church or church sponsored events to refrain to a point. Holding hands in church is acceptable. I guess I have this presumption when everyone know your engaged, you are really in deeply in love but you really do not need to show it obsessively like they were. I understand a peck once or twice during the event as well but it got to the point where they were pecking every couple minutes and it got really distracting and awkward for several people including the married ones. I guess I am really conservative side on PDA showing.

[Roamin Catholic]

Public affection is fine but when they did it was not good timing. I guess that I expect at church or church sponsored events to refrain to a point. Holding hands in church is acceptable. I guess I have this presumption when everyone know your engaged, you are really in deeply in love but you really do not need to show it obsessively like they were. I understand a peck once or twice during the event as well but it got to the point where they were pecking every couple minutes and it got really distracting and awkward for several people including the married ones. I guess I am really conservative side on PDA showing.

 

A peck? All of this was over a peck every few minutes?

 

I would say instead of criticizing them. Try praising them for being an active couple who goes to church sponsored events together. There isn't enough of this in our part of the world anymore

[Tufsoles]

I did wait and have a cooling off period before I wrote so I could write as tactfully as possible without being a too much of a beach whale. I often use the term nasty gram because I am not happy with something even though I am nice about it. I did pray about it but I felt like if I wrote and told them that this is bothering me and I felt that it was disruptive to the group it would make me at least feel better. I know that it might not get anything done but I felt like if I said something it may let the other person see my point of view of it and show them how they came off to others without even realizing it. I think the heart of the issue is that How this couple came off to others and how disruptive it was to the group. I had even a friend say something though text just after I left the event mentioning it without me saying anything to this friend about what we had witnessed. I was going to email the person anyway about it but I guess that aggravated the issue abit.

[Tufsoles]

I was just not a peck but a combination of things like talking that could be heard, Pecking of course, Cuddling that seemed to be to the point of sexual overtones, and flirting even though it was pg.  I did praise them for getting married in a time which our culture is condemning marriage and I have congratulated them multiple times on their engagement and future marriage. But I just wanted them to tone it down a bit for everyone to manage and not be distracted by their behavior.

[IcePrincessKRS]

I just don't see anything wrong with a couple showing PG affection in public, especially in a bar. I don't want to see anyone making out and groping, but affection between a married couple or engaged couple is fine. You're making someone feel like an arseportal for being happy.

[franciscanheart]

Bragging on the Internet about sending a "nasty gram" as the alternative to an even more immature reaction of completely flying off the handle in person (OR ignoring them forever without reason) and stuffing your face: Not much better.

I guess it's good you're showing improvement in one instance, but it's still not something to brag about. By your own admission, it was totally PG. And you seem pretty aggravated about it. I'll keep my assumptions about the nature of such hostility, but I do want to say this:

If you can't calmly approach them after the event to say, "Hey, no big deal, but x, y, and z was kind of distracting. Just a heads up for next time," you probably shouldn't be sending them a nasty gram.

[the171]

If this was at a high school retreat, I would have to break it up. It's in our rules as staff that not even the staff can participate in PDA. (duh) BUT THIS WAS AT TOT. A young adult event in a bar. The speakers know that people will be talking and they are prepared for it and FINE with it because.... *drum roll* IT'S A BAR!

[Roamin Catholic]

If this was at a high school retreat, I would have to break it up. It's in our rules as staff that not even the staff can participate in PDA. (duh) BUT THIS WAS AT TOT. A young adult event in a bar. The speakers know that people will be talking and they are prepared for it and FINE with it because.... *drum roll* IT'S A BAR!

 

 

Wait a second. People talk at bars? 

[the171]

Wait a second. People talk at bars?

I know! Such a novel idea!

[Slappo]

nm...

Edited April 5, 2013 by Slappo

[beatitude]

Tufsoles, I think that rather than analysing what this couple were doing, you need to look more carefully at your reactions and ask yourself why you are so upset at a display of gentle physical affection at an informal event in a bar. Why would it once have provoked a 'meltdown', to use your own word? Why does it require an e-mail now?

 

As you've seen from the responses here, most people wouldn't be too fussed at the sight of a couple chatting during ToT or being affectionate in the way you described, and your respondents here are mostly observant Catholics who like to attend events like this. Your reaction is unusually strong and it might be helpful for you to consider reasons why that might be.