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I'm Trapped


Guest Allie

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So there were two muffins in the oven.

 

One muffin said to the other, "Do you think it's getting hot in here?"

 

The other muffin looked at him in amazement and said, "WOW!!! A talking muffin!!!"

 

:muffin: :muffin:

 

 

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ToJesusMyHeart

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. 

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." 

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. 

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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ToJesusMyHeart

A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"

The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."

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ToJesusMyHeart

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: I don't know, but where'd she get shoes and what is she doing out of the kitchen?

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Guest Allie

A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"

The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."

 

Thanks

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ToJesusMyHeart

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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ToJesusMyHeart

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

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