Aspergers/autism

[beatitude]

The X-Men films took on new meaning for me after my diagnosis since the series is about discrimination. People on the spectrum as well as those with other conditions, like mental illness, (which I also have-depression,) can be stigmatized by people because of misconceptions about them.

To paraphrase a line from X-Men First Class, "Autistic and proud."

Does anyone else fear being rejected if someone finds out that you're on the spectrum?

 

Yes, because I have been rejected in the past, in quite a serious way. It was an application for student housing - in (and it breaks my heart to say this) a Catholic residence for girls. It asked about disability on the accommodation request form (which is fine, as housing places have to check that they can meet people's access requirements) and so I gave details of my conditions. Weeks went by and I heard nothing back. I don't live fully independently (I have a support worker who comes in four days per week to help with things I find most difficult, such as cooking and shopping) and I urgently needed to know where I would be living so that social services could determine my care budget for the coming year. This accommodation was catered, and social services would fund my support for fewer hours if I got a place there because there would be less need for me to cook myself. I sent an e-mail explaining this, and got a very terse reply - "We are sorry but we have no accommodation available. We hope you find somewhere more suitable." That was it.

 

Halfway through the semester I found out that they did have rooms available, so many that they were still actively recruiting students to fill them. (It's not a popular choice with many students as there is a curfew at night.) Now I know a bit more about the place from someone who lived there, and I know that I was rejected because autism (or their idea of what autism must be) doesn't fit with the polished public image they like to give. They like to take high achievers, for example, and they hold the backward view that a student with a neurological disability is unlikely to be one. Thinking about this still hurts a little. It's the first time I have experienced rejection in a Catholic institution because of the way I am. I find it difficult to forgive them, especially because they lied to me.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

It's funny, I was searching "Catholic, aspergers" and got Phatmass in the results!

 

I have Asperger's. Only found out about it as an adult. Many years of struggles since childhood suddenly made sense.

 

I remember wandering alone on the blacktop at school as a kid talking to Jesus. No one ever really played with me, but I didn't notice. I was in my own world.

 

Then I lost interest in my faith for the most part. I went through the motions like most people.

 

Then I got confirmed. My Confirmation gift was a copy of The Catholic Source Book, which is full of all sorts of Catholic trivia. I absorbed that thing very quickly. Then I started getting apologetics books. Then I started devouring the Catechism. I have a degree in theology now. All because theology became one of my eccentric focal points.

 

I also have a degree in catechetics, but I made a terrible catechist in practice. I was a youth minister for 2 years and a high school theology teacher for 5 years. I was awful at it. I knew all my theories, graduated near the top of my peer group, but I couldn't put it into effective practice because I have never, ever understood people. So I'm not a catechist anymore, except to my kids, whom I understand a bit better.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I'm not sure if I've experienced that or not. If I'm grieving or really overwhelmed, sometimes it seems to help to find a place that is somewhat soundproof and howl at stuff, and whatever comes out, comes out. Supposedly Mary has some weird use for tears, so whenever I've got some, I'm not stoic about it; I offer up my "sighs, mournings and weepings."

 

I normally never exhibit "stimming" behaviors, and never in public, but if I'm super upset and happen to be alone, it is oddly comforting to rock and listen to certain songs over and over again (I like the YouTube "10 hour" versions of things - no, I don't actually listen for 10 hours...maybe half an hour). I really liked Ed Sheeran's "I see Fire," Lindsey Sterling's "Shadows," and "Let it Go" from Disney's Frozen (even though it doesn't make any sense - if there's no right, no wrong, and no rules, is that a rule? Is it right? But wouldn't it be wrong to make that rule if its right to have no rules or is everything just a vague Jello-y neutral?)

 

Is that what stimming is? I'd looked it up in my research, but figured I didn't have it because I don't snap my fingers and stuff a lot.

 

I totally rock back and forth sometimes when I'm uncomfortable and I listen to the same song over and over all the time. I also bounce my leg constantly.

 

(Let It Go is a good song for this, by the way. I find Lifehouse's Everything is also good. If I'm in a weird mood, I'll listen to Creed, but only because I don't scream with loud noises, lol. I just get very irritated with commotion.)

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Pax!
How do you concentrate at Mass?

 

I have 4 kids, so I don't. :-( But before I had kids, I found that getting into the practice of repeating everything in my head helped me focus. I didn't have to do it through the whole Mass, just enough to refocus me on the Mass itself.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Question:

 

I test as a 36-40 on the Autism Spectrum Quotient Test, which is Asperger's range. I also test as near 100% melancholic on the temperament test. There seems to be a lot of overlap in the outward appearance of both. So ... anyone think maybe Asperger's is just like really intense melancholia?

 

I sometimes wonder if ADHD is really intense sanguinity, too.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I originally studied theology to become a DRE yet that requires a great deal of social skills (recruiting, pastoral counseling, serving as the go between with lots of groups, etc.) and manager skiIls that would be far too much for me to handle. I've also read that those on the spectrum usually make terrible managers. On top of that is how competitive parish positions are and parish politics.

 

I also can't wrap my mind around specifically how to catechize. The courses I took on catechesis which included developmental psychology of different age groups were so vague about how to specifically teach. We got theory but not how to apply it. The Catechetical Documents of the Church are not specific either.

 

I have a degree in catechetics. After 7 years of being a professional catechist, that piece of paper is now growing a nice layer of dust. I got the theory down great, but the people skills? LOL.

 

I did just write a proposal that included a catechetical curriculum, though. We can handle theory, but the practical stuff is hard. My first year as a theology teacher, they threw me in with high school seniors halfway through the year! I was eaten alive!

[CatherineM]

My ptsd turned me into a cowering shaking blob when it comes to social skills and even simple things like using a telephone. My doctor put me on a new medicine that has greatly changed all that. The beta blocker inderal has been used for years off label for stage fright. 20% of professional orchestra people use it. It's considered performance enhancing for the Olympics because it can calm and focus especially things like archery or shooting.

Since I've been on it, my flashbacks have dropped 90%, I haven't had a nightmare, and the social fright aspect is dropping. The last is a learned behavior so will take much longer. I have to get used to the idea that I'm not going to have flashbacks and freak out around crowds.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

My ptsd turned me into a cowering shaking blob when it comes to social skills and even simple things like using a telephone. My doctor put me on a new medicine that has greatly changed all that. The beta blocker inderal has been used for years off label for stage fright. 20% of professional orchestra people use it. It's considered performance enhancing for the Olympics because it can calm and focus especially things like archery or shooting.

Since I've been on it, my flashbacks have dropped 90%, I haven't had a nightmare, and the social fright aspect is dropping. The last is a learned behavior so will take much longer. I have to get used to the idea that I'm not going to have flashbacks and freak out around crowds.

 

I didn't know you had PTSD and I don't know the back story, but I'm glad to hear you're doing better.

[brandelynmarie]

I didn't know you had PTSD and I don't know the back story, but I'm glad to hear you're doing better.

You've got to read her autobiography Curveballs. :) Amazing story...

[tinytherese]

---




I guess there is one reason I'm hesitant to claim being an aspie. Now that it's even more closely tied to autism, it seems it might have more stigma. I don't "feel autistic." I know there's a lot of poor representation of autism and I'm sure this is included among those examples, but I can't help thinking, "I'm not Rain Man." I'm not used to thinking I'm autistic, but I also don't want to NOT be an aspie, because that would mean drifting again into confusion about what's "wrong" with me. I'm also afraid people won't believe me, and that will raise doubts in my mind, and then I'll still feel lost. To fight that, it's my intention to make it plain to people that yes, I am an aspie, I am autistic, and you know what? It's okay. We're not all like Rain Man. Some of us don't stick out like a sore thumb all the time. Some of us don't even appear to be aspies until you've spent some time in our heads.

Anyway, what you aspie folks people think?

There's definitely a stigma to those on the spectrum. Don't tell an employer and or the whoever interviews you for a job that you're on the autism spectrum, or they won't hire you or they'll fire you. Yes, it's illegal for them to do this in the U.S., but it still happens. If you sue them, then prospective employers regard you as a trouble-maker.

Some schools don't have the funding or proper training to accommodate students on the spectrum, or they somewhat accommodate students, but not to the fullest level, while others simply refuse to be cooperative and understanding.

Other people may ask why your child gets special treatment for his or her condition, as if they're accusing them of entitlement. Yet every human being is entitled to an education and in their circumstances, accommodations are not luxuries but requirements.

I've been told that the book Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy: The Special Education Survival Guide by Peter W.D. Wright and Pamela Darr Wright is a good resource.

Those on the spectrum are not represented well in the media. That's because the condition is so incredibly misunderstood. Each person on the spectrum is different, but many people don't understand that. You also can't just be able to tell by looking at someone whether they're autistic or not. These problems can be handled with by educating others on the issue.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

There's definitely a stigma to those on the spectrum. Don't tell an employer and or the whoever interviews you for a job that you're on the autism spectrum, or they won't hire you or they'll fire you. Yes, it's illegal for them to do this in the U.S., but it still happens. If you sue them, then prospective employers regard you as a trouble-maker.

Some schools don't have the funding or proper training to accommodate students on the spectrum, or they somewhat accommodate students, but not to the fullest level, while others simply refuse to be cooperative and understanding.

Other people may ask why your child gets special treatment for his or her condition, as if they're accusing them of entitlement. Yet every human being is entitled to an education and in their circumstances, accommodations are not luxuries but requirements.

I've been told that the book Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy: The Special Education Survival Guide by Peter W.D. Wright and Pamela Darr Wright is a good resource.

Those on the spectrum are not represented well in the media. That's because the condition is so incredibly misunderstood. Each person on the spectrum is different, but many people don't understand that. You also can't just be able to tell by looking at someone whether they're autistic or not. These problems can be handled with by educating others on the issue.

 

Very fortunately, my employer is a faithful Catholic media personality and a very good man. He knows about my condition, but I do good work and he doesn't mind a little awkwardness in conversation.

 

I'm out of school, thankfully, so that's done. I'm a little concerned about my kids someday, though, but they're homeschooled, so hopefully they'll be okay.

 

Do you have any thoughts on the symptoms I listed?

[Thy Geekdom Come]

I forgot one big symptom: I'm incredibly technical. I'm like Marlin on Finding Nemo, when he tries to tell a joke. It takes me forever to tell a story because I have to be precise. I interrupt myself to go back and correct things that I'd said, to be more clear.

[EmilyAnn]

Raphael, if you're concerned PLEASE see a professional. Please NEVER attempt to self-diagnose or get other non-professionals to diagnose for you. Even other people with ASD cannot give you a meaningful diagnosis - every person experiences it differently. The DSM is a diagnostic tool, not a symptom checker. There are very specific conditions attached to symptoms before you can be officially diagnoses with any disorder and the symptoms for most disorders and so wide-ranging that almost everyone can find they fit the criteria for a good few of them - this is why a professional is needed to determine if the nature, severity and frequency of symptoms fit a diagnosis. 

 

 

TL;DR - don't self diagnose, if you feel you may have a problem please see a professional. Self-diagnosis is dangerous. 

[beatitude]

As someone with autism, I am usually sceptical of self-diagnosis myself (and i find it frustrating - I've seen people on my Facebook taking that awful 'Aspie' quiz and declaring themselves 'Aspie' as though it's a shiny special badge, when I know that they aren't disabled in the way that I am. In fact, these people have often been impatient with me over my difficulties). It's also true that you need to be very careful with tools like the AQ - it's a screening tool designed to see if it's worth having an assessment or not, and all screening tools are meant to act as a wide net. For this reason people with a variety of other conditions such as depression and anxiety tend to score highly on the AQ. Only a full assessment with a developmental history will establish whether that person is autistic. So yes, self-diagnosis can be problematic. But when someone is really struggling and needing to make sense of themselves then I think it's OK for them to seek out reassurance and affirmation from people who have similar cognitive traits and patterns of difficulty. Those patterns may be the result of autism, they may be the result of social anxiety, they may be something else entirely - I think what matters most in these cases is that the person is respected and accepted as they are, with or without a label, and they're able to feel comfortable in their skin. Raphael, it sounds as though your boss is able to be accepting of you in this way, which is great; and I will pray that you are able to find more confidence and peace in yourself, plus a formal assessment if it would help you out in life. You have listed many difficulties that I also have and I think it's worth further investigation if it would benefit you on the emotional level, even if you don't need practical support.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

TL;DR? If you had read, you'd see I'm just looking to see if my suspicions merit weight. I don't see how self-diagnosis can be dangerous when I don't need medication or therapy, nor would seek them, and can't get a diagnosis because it's not covered by insurance.

And frankly, with as many times as I've seen stories of misdiagnosis, I trust aspies to know more about it than shrinks.

Edited October 8, 2014 by Raphael