Pro-life Has Gotten Harder For Me

[Paddington]

this homeless, pregnant woman is up my butt all the time for favors. I used to help her with patience and liked her friendship.

 

she lies CONSTANTLY. to everybody. to everybody she stays with. about anything and everything. she plays us against each other. she steals from us. she lies to the hospital and to DHS. ALL THE TIME. she fails to make the right appointments or misses some of her important appointments. (she goes to some, but working thru bureaucracy takes more effort unfortunately) She acts entitled to everything and has played me for a fool pretty much. Called me instead of an ambulance bcuz an ambulance wouldn't stop at Burger King on the way to emergency. it's crazy. it's sooooo crazy.

 

it's that [mod] EDITED~LANGUAGE [/mod] mentality. say anything. use anybody to the max regardless of what it could do to them. she owes me money and has cost me sleep and health and mental health. and always always always act entitled and spoiled.

 

hustles away her bridge card and wic. wont stand still for nothing. I can basically give her the benefit of the doubt that she isn't smoking crack anymore. I respect that she is pro-life. She NEVER considered abortion and the baby's dad is a thug who doesnt feed her and baby, [mod] EDITED~~~ MATURE CONTENT [/mod]

 

as a master manipulator, she will start an argument if she thinks that you MIGHT say something confrontational or against her selfish interests. she doesn't consider open adoption to be an option even tho she lost custody of her other kids for being a [mod] EDITED~~~LANGUAGE [/mod]. she won't go to Catholic Social Services on advice of a lawyer.

 

it's crazy, but as long as baby is in her belly, that is a real game-changer. and it is the reason I kept helping her out. BUT, baby or not, I'm not going to help her anymore. No matter when she calls or what she says or anything. I'm telling her 'no.' And that is a bit like telling BABY 'no.' But there is nothing left for me. I never really had the resources and even took an advance to help her. I'm out. Maybe I'm not as pro-life as I thought.

Edited March 31, 2013 by Roamin_Catholic
Language

[Anastasia13]

Lord have mercy.

 

My general impression is not that your views are not that pro-life but rather that you are taking more responsibility that you should. Is there any way to report her to social services? That is more the kind of people that maybe equipped to get involved to effect change because of how hard it is to deal with someone who is doing something so destructive like that.

Edited March 30, 2013 by Light and Truth

[TheLordsSouljah]

Oh my goodness, very nearly just went through something similar. With you!! :)

You are still pro-life. No doubt. While pro-lifers help out all they can, it doesn't mean you have to have them in your house. It is a MAJOR MAJOR thing having anyone in ones house, as it is the very place you live, and where you live affects who you are and become. 

Also, 'grace builds on nature', a very wise nun would keep telling me, so I highly recommend looking at it objectively, seeing that you can't keep doing this (because one should be able to have a home that is a refuge for building virtue and renewing strength to go and do things like being charitable and pro-life), and do something about it. It is always painful, but be strong and seek to help her in other ways, more from the outside. 

 

Good luck, God bless, praying for you! ;)

[beatitude]

I support a housing project for young pregnant women who usually come from a difficult background and often have problems with alcohol and drugs. The staff there are fantastic and are able to help a lot of people turn their lives around, but this is in part because they have a firm set of ground rules. It sounds as though you had no such rules in place with this lady, and it would have been fine to set some - it is not helpful either to you or to her to give her everything she wants, whenever she wants it. She needs a much stronger support network than you can provide, and it looks as though she is resisting all attempts to give her one. This isn't your fault.

[To Jesus Through Mary]

I echo what the others have said... Oh wow, you have really been through it!!! I will encourage you, having worked with this for a while (perhaps Brother Adam can add more to this in his experience) that it is so easy to try and save someone from themselves. But we are not the Savior. Your shoulders can't handle this. They weren't meant to. True charity would demand not that you would be a doormat, but that would allow her to a place of true conversion, not allowing her to continue in the same path she is in. Having encountered people like this and attempted what you are attempting, it can be a VERY exasperating processes. I think you already pegged the mentality. Something she has most likely grown up in and will take a long time and many knocks to break that cycle. However you cannot bring that about! God will take care of her. 

 

If you think the baby is at risk I would suggest calling the state. When she gives birth they will most likely test that baby for drugs if she has an open case. She knows that and hopefully that will be an incentive to stay clean. If she is far enough along to have a birthing plan, you can let the hospital in question know about the other children being taken away and the history of drug use. They will not give you any information but just to prevent something falling through the cracks in the system. But my guess is, if they are like NY, I seriously doubt that woman will be taking home her child even if the baby tests negative. Poor baby.

 

I am so sorry for all of the strife you have gone through with her. But thank you for your heart in this. It is inspiring to me. I know you don't feel very inspiring right now, but you are. God bless you!!  Many many prayers for you. I will also be praying for her and her kids.  

[Semper Catholic]

Welfare  State

[mortify]

If we could go down our ancestral tree I'm sure we all have a female predecessor just like that!

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

Jesus understands we as humans are weak and have limits. I wasn't impressed at a prayer in the stations of the cross this year that implied we where walking mats and should always help unconditionally. In the gospels jesus says if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off, i assume of course after trying your best to help somone you have limits your not GOD. Also jesus says it is better to go into heaven with half your body than into hell whole, again he understands we as humans have limits. Again jesus says to forgive 70 times 7 times, which is alot but not unlimited times. The good samaritan only spent one dark night with the injured person, some can only spend one dark night with a random off the streets. Than there is some who fit into the orchard owners gospel where the man has tended a tree for 3 years and it has bore no fruit and than the orchard owner orders the tree to be cut down but the worker begs for one more year than cut it down if it still hasn't borne fruit. Which one are you the samaritan or the orchard worker. And anyway possibly the tree in the orchard is already within the church, a lost sheep so to speak.

But all in all i'm not so good at letting go of people even if there using me, especially the poor,lonely,broken,bruised and battered. I try and remind myself that i'm not blessed mother teresa because i don't have a whole order of nuns to support me, actually relatively little christian support except at holy mass. You could try and only visit her once or twice a week or let her visit you once a week and be honest and tell her you really need some time alone over the next few months to rejuvinate your relationship with jesus. And have that alone time with you and jesus, because without him working with broken battered and bruised people on a regular bases is near impossible, goto mass more than just sundays if you can and don't forget to find some christian fellowship also outside of phatmass, even if it's just a spiritual director that you see once a week for an hour.

 

Hopefully something in there will help you, i know regular mass attendance outside of just sundays helps me to work with such people, and also i must remember i am one of those people anyway too to some degree or other and need jesus healing too and am worthy of his love and salvation as you are also, which can be lost. I guess now i'm thinking when scripture says faith is dead without works, i wonder if works are dead without faith, my point is we need both, don't forget your personal and communal relationship with jesus is as important as good works. Anyway take any truth that i have spoken and throw the junk in the bin. God bless you.

 

Onward christian souls.,

JESUS iz LORD.

 

 

 

[Norseman82]

Jesus understands we as humans are weak and have limits. I wasn't impressed at a prayer in the stations of the cross this year that implied we where walking mats and should always help unconditionally. In the gospels jesus says if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off, i assume of course after trying your best to help somone you have limits your not GOD. Also jesus says it is better to go into heaven with half your body than into hell whole, again he understands we as humans have limits. Again jesus says to forgive 70 times 7 times, which is alot but not unlimited times. The good samaritan only spent one dark night with the injured person, some can only spend one dark night with a random off the streets. Than there is some who fit into the orchard owners gospel where the man has tended a tree for 3 years and it has bore no fruit and than the orchard owner orders the tree to be cut down but the worker begs for one more year than cut it down if it still hasn't borne fruit. Which one are you the samaritan or the orchard worker. And anyway possibly the tree in the orchard is already within the church, a lost sheep so to speak.

But all in all i'm not so good at letting go of people even if there using me, especially the poor,lonely,broken,bruised and battered. I try and remind myself that i'm not blessed mother teresa because i don't have a whole order of nuns to support me, actually relatively little christian support except at holy mass. You could try and only visit her once or twice a week or let her visit you once a week and be honest and tell her you really need some time alone over the next few months to rejuvinate your relationship with jesus. And have that alone time with you and jesus, because without him working with broken battered and bruised people on a regular bases is near impossible, goto mass more than just sundays if you can and don't forget to find some christian fellowship also outside of phatmass, even if it's just a spiritual director that you see once a week for an hour.

 

Hopefully something in there will help you, i know regular mass attendance outside of just sundays helps me to work with such people, and also i must remember i am one of those people anyway too to some degree or other and need jesus healing too and am worthy of his love and salvation as you are also, which can be lost. I guess now i'm thinking when scripture says faith is dead without works, i wonder if works are dead without faith, my point is we need both, don't forget your personal and communal relationship with jesus is as important as good works. Anyway take any truth that i have spoken and throw the junk in the bin. God bless you.

 

Onward christian souls.,

JESUS iz LORD.

 

Unfortunately, when many people see that we take our religion seriously, they think it's open season for manipulating us.  That's what I've learned on my 199 trimesters here on earth.

Edited March 30, 2013 by Norseman82

[Tufsoles]

It sounds like this young pregnant woman has no boundaries and is careless. You have had the right intention in taking her in. As our catholic faith teaches to take care of those that are less fortunate. However, It does sound like that she is manipulating the situation. I would suggest looking into programs in your area that help pregnant women that are in that young woman's situation. Make sure they are reputable. I see that you are overwhelmed with this woman's problems and you really need more help than you can give at this point. I am not saying kick this woman out but give her an opportunity to move up and onward and not a handout. We, as catholics, are suppose to give the less fortunate a hand up( i.e. Corporal works of mercy.) to get out of their situation. I hope I did not come off as a Beach Whale.

[Paddington]

Thanks to all for your concern and thoughtful responses. And for your prayers for those involved. Maybe the plot will thicken, but I just want out now.

 

She called me a couple times today for stuff. Once real early which woke me up and kept me up until my much needed nap. Then she called again. I said no.

She seemed upset the 2nd time. I told her to call an ambulance. She said they cost too much, but she has Medicaid. *shrug*

 

In other news, I got edited by a mod. My pr team will probly handle that. That's what they are payed to do.

[God the Father]

Natural selection will work it out, even if it takes generations.

[Paddington]

Natural selection will work it out, even if it takes generations.

 

You're right. People who take a lot will definitely outlast people who give a lot. Then what? A cool video game plot, that's what.