Help!

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Hehe...couldn't get the Beatles song out of my head...

But seriously...

As some of you know, I have been considering the possibility of withdrawing from priestly formation. I hope this is not much of a shock to anyone.

I have a meeting with my Vocation Director tomorrow.

Here's the trouble...I'm extremely indecisive and besides prayers (which I do ask for), I am turning to my Pham for advice.

About 2 1/2 months ago, I began feeling a call toward married life. A large part of my life is about children and another large part is about companionship. Around Eastertime, I went to my cousin's wedding in Texas, played with some kids I babysit and haven't seen in a long while, and did a bunch of other things relating to this feeling. All year I had been feeling separated from my family (even though I've grown closer to my phamily) and I realized how much I missed family life. I've also been housed up with a lot of men and realized that my best friends were always women and I began to realize that I want a wife and kids. Now, I'm not one of those people who believes in married clergy in the Latin Rite and I'm not about to switch rites, so...

About the only thing I feel holding me to the idea of being a priest is guilt. I don't want to let anyone down. I feel that I was drawn to priesthood because of ministry, but having ministered to teenagers all semester (my job at seminary was to work with youth retreats), I realized that I can fulfill that desire outside of the priesthood. Also, as wonderful as the sacraments are, I don't see myself finding joy in consecrating the Eucharist (even though there is much joy to be had, my joy is in receiving, but I don't feel it at the prospect of consecrating).

So here's the deal, the votes and reasons behind them on the issue from people who already know:

Chaplain: Supportive. I should discern the call to marriage from outside the seminary. Also, I'm welcome back to seminary any time.

Spiritual Director: So-so. I should continue to discern the call in some setting, but I think he'd rather I stay a while longer for certainty.

Dean of Men: Supportive. Same reasons as Chaplain.

Max (Semmie): Supportive with reluctance. Careful old Maximilian (his middle name is Kolbe, by the way).

Simeon (Semmie): Supportive with less reluctance. Cautious.

Jeff (former semmie): Extremely supportive. He left for similar reasons, but is kind of a free spirit...so I'm not sure how closely I should follow this.

Dad: Supportive. I don't think he really cares either way, as long as I'm happy.

Mom: Unsupportive. Says she wants what's best for me, but I'm cautious to believe that; I think she wants a priest for a son. Here's her reasoning: I hate Conception Seminary. I can't stand it. I was supposed to go somewhere else, a nicer, more magisterium-loyal seminary, but my vocation director (who is now the Chancellor) changed his mind after getting me all geared up for the good place and sent me to the bad place in the middle of nowhere at which one of the theology teachers contradicts the Catechism and one of the philosophy teachers is a Marxist. Anyway, she thinks that I hated it so much that it soured me on the priesthood. She thinks I'm being rash and that I should ask now to go to the other place to try it there (doubtful that they would allow it).

Psychiatrist: Unsupportive. Agrees with my mom. It may be relevant that she and my mom are the only females I know personally who are against me.

Deeds (PM member): Supportive. We go way back, even though we're on different continents. She hears me loud and clear, knows me pretty well, and agrees with me.

Iacobus: Supportive. Seems to be of the mindset of my father.

Dave: Supportive. Wants me to be happy following God's will...the same thing I'm seeking.

HSmom: Seems supportive, but we haven't really discussed it much.

I think it is also important to see that seminary has changed me for the better in a lot of ways. Take my word for it. My seminary annual evaluation said the same. This possibly explains why God would lead me here only to lead me back out...my mother doesn't understand this..."Why would God want you to be there one year and then change His mind completely?"...I reply, "He who scattered Israel now brings them back together." Keep in mind that she's not too religious and was in a debate with me the other night about contraceptives...she doesn't think they're bad...

Anyway, pham...it's a lot to analyze and I would appreciate everyone's thoughts, prayers, and advice...it doesn't matter who gives it. Prayers for guidance are particularly useful, as God is sort of feeding me a blank on which path to choose.


In Christ,

Micah

[Thy Geekdom Come]

No replies? Come on...this is why I pinned it on Flyfree...beloved phamily member in need here...

[crusader1234]

I agree with your Chaplain, while I can't let you back in like he can, I do think that if you feel like you need a wife and kids for life, then you shouldn't spend your life as a minister. Discernment from within the Seminary isnt great, because youve got the whole 'priest' label hanging onto you. When you need to decide something as important as your vocation, you need to wipe the slate clean and look at it from a fresh perspective. If God wants you married, then I wouldnt stay in the seminary. Just leave, and since your welcome back, just dont burn any bridges.

Good luck

[VeraMaria]

wow. I don't know what to say, just know i'm praying for you to be able to discern God's will, and we love you!

[VeraMaria]

I think you should make sure your mom knows the reasons why you feel this way, and that's it's not really the seminary's fault. Because it won't help much if your mom always thinks and feels that you're being rash (which I am sure you're not, it seems like you have given a LOT of thought and prayer to this).

If you feel the call to serve the Church outside the priesthood for sure, andale hombre! There are many ways to serve the Church when you're married! You don't regret having gone to the seminary Micah, maybe God is preparing you for something else and the seminary is just a step.

I will pray a lot for you, and most of all, trust in him. Do your best to follow him and what he wants for you, that's all he asks of you, the best you can. Trust him to do the rest, you're doing the best you can, you're set! so don't stress!!

and anyway...this is from a dumb 15 year-old so yeah, feel free to throw this rambling out the window!


Your Pham loves you and if you ever want to talk...

[VeraMaria]

and thanks, now i will have the Beatles stuck in my head all day tomorrow


Heelp....I need someboody HELP.....

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote] I think you should make sure your mom knows the reasons why you feel this way, and that's it's not really the seminary's fault.[/quote]

That's a part of the trouble...I've discussed that with her. I don't think it has anything to do with the particular seminary. Quite frankly, I think she is so keen on the notion of my staying a seminarian because I think I feared letting anyone, even her, in on the problem earlier, so she thinks it's very sudden. You know, people ask you, "So how's seminary?" and I'm like..."It's good..." because I don't want to talk about how I don't like it...I might say something I live to regret (it's easy to put your foot in your mouth in this line of work).

Also, my mother is the MASTER of the guilt trip!

[morostheos]

Not that my opinion is very qualified, but I think that if you think you may be called to the married life, you should leave the seminary for a while to discern that. You can always go back. It seems better to work out your doubts sooner than later to find out what God is calling you to. If you don't leave, do you think you will always wonder, "what if?" If so, simply for that reason I think it is good to further discern all possible vocations. God's in no rush, He's got plenty of time and knows the plans He has for you.

[VeraMaria]

awww...I'm sorry about that. Prayerz for your mom too!!

and thanks, now i will have the Beatles stuck in my head all day tomorrow


Heelp....I need someboody HELP.....

[BeenaBobba]

Hi Raphael,

First off, I'll say a prayer for you.

It sounds like you've got a lot of praying, discerning, and thinking to do. But as you know, God will see you through. If you pray and trust God, in the end you will do His will.

From what I've heard, all seminarians feel a longing for wives to some degree or another. It's the ones who feel [i]more[/i] called to the priesthood who become priests. Of course, the choice they make for the priesthood is what God truly wills for them, so they feel happiest in that life. On the other hand, if and when I get married (which I hope I do ), there may very well be a small part of me that smiles thinking of the religious life and what it could have been like to be a nun. At the end of the day, though, you'll have to follow God where He's leading you.

If you are feeling a pull towards marriage, then perhaps that's what God wills for you. But I do have a question, though: Have you ever considered transferring seminaries? This is your decision, but do you think perhaps there's a chance (however slight) that you could or would feel differently about the priesthood and your calling to it if you were at an orthodox seminary? At the very least, trying this out could at least rule out the suggestions your mom and your psychiatrist brought up. But like I said, it's totally up to you. I trust that with God, you'll make the right decision.

You were quite right to say that there is indeed ministry work that you can do as a married man. You could become a deacon, for example, or you could work in other apostolates. Don't fret, though, because there are many options for you to explore.

I hope this helps.

God bless,

Jennifer

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote]Have you ever considered transferring seminaries? This is your decision, but do you think perhaps there's a chance (however slight) that you could or would feel differently about the priesthood and your calling to it if you were at an orthodox seminary?[/quote]

That was my mother's idea. It is possible that a different seminary would make me feel different, but it is equally possible that being out of seminary now will help clear the air and will make me see more clearly that I'm called to married life.

The thing is, I ALWAYS felt called to married life. I remember telling my mom when I was little that I wanted to have 11 sons (keep in mind that I was 4...now I'd take what God gives me). I love kids. I want to raise kids of my own. I think that I suppressed that to go to seminary.

One of the tough things is that I was just getting religious when I decided to go. It's possible that I confused a call to holiness with a call to priesthood and, feeling an obligation, suppressed my desire for a family.

It's just so difficult!

Argh...

[BeenaBobba]

Hi Raphael,

It's me -- Jen -- again. I just looked at your profile, and I see that you're still pretty young. That being said, I think that if you really felt, after lots of prayer, that God willed for you to leave the seminary to discern whether or not you're called to the married life, you could take the opportunity to do so. Like Crusader said, don't burn any bridges that you might have to (and want to) cross again in the future, though. Try to keep ties with those inside the seminary in case God wants you back in there at some point.

I have another question: You said that your vocation director placed you in Conception Seminary, which you really don't like due to its disloyalty to the Magisterium. Is there any particular reasons why your vocation director chose this seminary for you? Is changing vocation directors a viable option?

God bless,

Jennifer

[BeenaBobba]

[quote name='Raphael' date='May 26 2004, 11:17 PM']That was my mother's idea.  It is possible that a different seminary would make me feel different, but it is equally possible that being out of seminary now will help clear the air and will make me see more clearly that I'm called to married life.

The thing is, I ALWAYS felt called to married life.  I remember telling my mom when I was little that I wanted to have 11 sons (keep in mind that I was 4...now I'd take what God gives me).  I love kids.  I want to raise kids of my own.  I think that I suppressed that to go to seminary.

One of the tough things is that I was just getting religious when I decided to go.  It's possible that I confused a call to holiness with a call to priesthood and, feeling an obligation, suppressed my desire for a family.

It's just so difficult!

Argh...[/quote]

Since the pull towards marriage is more pressing at the moment, perhaps you could (after [b]a lot[/b] of prayer, though) take some time off from the seminary to explore the possibility of a future marriage. I personally don't think this is a bad idea at all. But, then again, you should really speak about this to your Spiritual Father, as he will give you better guidance than just about any of us here could. If, at the end of your "break," you still felt that calling to the priesthood (a calling that is more than just vague), then I'd suggest that you try to find a better, more orthodox seminary. After that, just take it from there.

But, yeah, take a break from the seminary if that's what you prayerfully feel that you need to do. Of course, as your phamily member, I'll support you regardless of what you choose in the end.

God bless,

Jennifer

P.S.

You should pray about this especially in from of the Blessed Sacrament.

[BeenaBobba]

Oh, and I forgot to add this: Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your choice. Of course, guilt wouldn't be a good reason for you to become a priest at all, so be sure to point that out to those who make you feel guilty. Tell them, quite simply, that you're open to going where God takes you -- and that you would never want to feel guilty about what God has willed for you.

God bless,

Jen

[gopherball33]

It seems to me that you should go with the chaplain. It is true that you can go back if you feel like you should. But if you think that you are called to the married life, then go for it. I know someone's father who was in the seminary but dropped out and had a family. In that respect, you would not be alone.