How Do You Know...

[MarysLittleFlower]

One thing that I've been thinking about, is how do you know if Jesus is calling you to something?

 

I know this is a HUGE topic... the answer is probably a combination of: you pray, receive the Sacraments, get a spiritual director, visit communities, etc.... this is all very true, and it's what we should do. And this is what the discernment websites (like with various orders) say as well. :)

 

But as you're doing all this... how do you know if Jesus is calling you somewhere? Like..how do you tell? do you just feel peace about it? does it differ from person to person? do you just know?

 

I tend to group vocations into two types: marriage, or fully devoting yourself to God through religious life or some form of consecrated life etc. I'm trying to discern between these two. I think with discerning particular convents or monasteries: I understand that you're supposed to visit them, and apply, etc. But with the first question: how do you tell? If you want to belong only to Jesus, and felt drawn to giving your heart fully to Him, is that it?

 

I've read how Mother Teresa was asked, how a woman knows she's called to religious life. And she said, "she just knows". Somehow, this makes sense to me, and perhaps I do "just know", but I second guess what I feel because of fears or because of the question "can this really be???" - though it brings much joy to think about it as well. How do you get past all this and get more clarity?

[domenica_therese]

Any comments I had to give would just be an inadequate paraphrase of this book which I highly recommend. I can't take credit for recommending it, and wouldn't be surprised if the book has popped up on here in the past; it came to me highly recommended by my sister's roommate -- a phatmasser I'm sure a lot of you know who went to my school and recently entered religious life. 

 

But, basically, to inadequately paraphrase my most valuable take-away from the book in case you don't all go and immediately buy it (for shame!)...

 

We can know God's will by consolations and desolations, but we can only really be sure of that as a decision making tool when we've purified our heart to say yes to His will. I think a good question to ask is "If I was 100% sure he was asking me to do this, what is my answer to be? Would I say yes?" I answered that question and found that my artificial barriers towards seriously discerning were suddenly meaningless. In order to know his will, we have to know our own and whether we are "open to it" or open to it.

 

The book also recommends making pro-con lists -- which as a fan of Gilmore Girls was infinitely hilarious to me the first time I've read it; it has actually proved quite useful to me several times since then. When we line up our reasons so clearly in the open sometimes we see that one side, which seemed so compelling, is just full of vain pursuit of the insignificant.

 

But enough. Read the book. Or re-read if that's the case.

[domenica_therese]

Also, I just wanted to address an undercurrent I (perhaps falsely) perceived in the post. We shouldn't automatically ascribe things to our own motivations (vs. God's) if we have a desire for it:

 

 

but I second guess what I feel because of fears or because of the question "can this really be???"

 

 

When I was trying to explain to my spiritual director why I was overwhelmed -- but in a good way -- on my first convent visit, he hit the nail on the head. I was just totally and completely melted by the fact that, as he put it, "God could really be that good." That should never be a question. It still floors me sometimes that God's will is so intrinsically compatible with my happiness. It shouldn't but, well, I'm human, and it does.

[marigold]

Any comments I had to give would just be an inadequate paraphrase of this book which I highly recommend. I can't take credit for recommending it, and wouldn't be surprised if the book has popped up on here in the past; it came to me highly recommended by my sister's roommate -- a phatmasser I'm sure a lot of you know who went to my school and recently entered religious life. 

 

But, basically, to inadequately paraphrase my most valuable take-away from the book in case you don't all go and immediately buy it (for shame!)...

 

We can know God's will by consolations and desolations, but we can only really be sure of that as a decision making tool when we've purified our heart to say yes to His will. I think a good question to ask is "If I was 100% sure he was asking me to do this, what is my answer to be? Would I say yes?" I answered that question and found that my artificial barriers towards seriously discerning were suddenly meaningless. In order to know his will, we have to know our own and whether we are "open to it" or open to it.

 

The book also recommends making pro-con lists -- which as a fan of Gilmore Girls was infinitely hilarious to me the first time I've read it; it has actually proved quite useful to me several times since then. When we line up our reasons so clearly in the open sometimes we see that one side, which seemed so compelling, is just full of vain pursuit of the insignificant.

 

But enough. Read the book. Or re-read if that's the case.

 

 

Also, I just wanted to address an undercurrent I (perhaps falsely) perceived in the post. We shouldn't automatically ascribe things to our own motivations (vs. God's) if we have a desire for it:

 

 

 

 

When I was trying to explain to my spiritual director why I was overwhelmed -- but in a good way -- on my first convent visit, he hit the nail on the head. I was just totally and completely melted by the fact that, as he put it, "God could really be that good." That should never be a question. It still floors me sometimes that God's will is so intrinsically compatible with my happiness. It shouldn't but, well, I'm human, and it does.

 

Double props!

[marigold]

I was thinking more about this, and I think it's a good question that virtually everybody asks themselves. I asked my father-confessor about it and he said that just as love is proved in action, God's will is proved in the consensus of our fathers in the faith. Which may well include Mothers, he added! I think this means that if I were to go him and ask a blessing to contact a monastery, and he gave it, and after I'd visited, the abbess felt I had a good chance of being able to live in her monastery, that would be the start of a consensus. That would be taken as God pointing in a certain direction, for the time being. That's how we'd (ideally) do it anyhow.

 

What's difficult, at least for me, to do is not read too much into circumstances, good ('everything going smoothly') or bad.

[maximillion]

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsRNoUx8w3rPODRo_T8DNdXCWrm7m9jSa

 

I hope this works.......

 

This was posted on VS some time ago and while not relating to Religious Life specifically, it is very relevant.

Edited March 13, 2013 by maximillion

[maximillion]

oops, not sure that is the link. Not good with technology. It's supposed to be the link to the post topic 'Tedx discernment talk features nuns' on VS.

You can view it through a google search.

[Kateri89]

Like you said, this is a complex question.  I would say that in my own situation, I felt a certain level of interest in religious life for a long time although it was only a vague idea for awhile.  Once I started to more actively discern, I became more interested.  After visiting the Nashville Dominicans and not feeling comfortable there, I assumed I wasn't called to religious life (jumped the gun a little bit there).  So I gave up on religious life for a little while and thought about going back to school and changing careers, etc.  Thoughts of religious life came back to me though and I decided I needed to start discerning again.

 

At this point in the game, I'm fairly certain that I'm called to religious life and am learning to be patient about finding the community God's calling me to but not completely closing myself off to the possibility that He's calling me to marriage or consecrated single life.  I'm just going to keep praying and visiting communities.  I know we're not supposed to test God but I asked Him for a sign if I was really called to religious life because my personality type is the kind that will explain any 'sign' as coincidence unless it is unmistakably clear.  It wasn't so much me testing Him and His presence but needing some clarification.  Funny enough, I don't actually remember what the sign was but I do remember He did give me a really clear sign.  Many people have said, my spiritual director included, that sometimes your gut reaction can be God indicating whether or not you are called to something.  We can't always go by emotions but that doesn't mean that they don't have a role in discernment.  Ultimately He desires our happiness and will only call us to a vocation that will truly fulfill us; this doesn't mean it won't be difficult or that it is what we envisioned for ourselves but He knows that it will fulfill us even it we don't know it at the beginning.

 

Sorry this is a jumble of my thoughts.   :stars:

[BarbTherese]

What I really miss about religious life (from many years ago) is community and formation.  My director is encouraging me to look into a Third Order O.Carm Carmelite community not all that far from me.  My director does know me exceptionally well over a number of years and her words (religious sister ex novice mistress in her Order) to me were "Make a tridium (3 days prayer) to St Joseph, feast coming up, and then just 'put your toe into the waters' and attend a couple of meetings, in your heart you will know whether the waters are warm or cold.  Then we can talk further".  My concern is could The Lord be calling me to this Third Order and that is how she has told me to begin the discernment journey.  I did attend a meeting of this community many years ago, but was not impressed fora few reasons.  But I know that things have changed, how much, I guess my 'toe into the waters' will tell me. :)

 

I think the first important step in discerning is a good spiritual director - and discernment is a journey, not an event - or very rarely is it the latter. Nowadays with both active and monastic religious life, discerners are very blessed to be able to go on visits initially and then to experience the life itself (aspirancy I think it is called) before actually entering postulancy.  Back pre VII, insofar as I know, one visited a few times, got one's entrance date and list of what one needed and went into the life itself completely blind.

[TheresaThoma]

I think in general my advice is to go and try it out. Which for different people will mean different things. For certain people that may mean going on one or two Come and Sees and realizing they are called to marriage. For others it may mean entering and then discerning out and for some it may mean going on a retreat, entering and discovering that this really is where God is calling them. My priest advised me once that if you are even 51% sure then go for it.

More specifically about guiding in that "trying" process is discernment of spirits. Feelings of deep peace and joy are good indicators. You may feel a little unsettled at first but that should only be a surface thing. 

[Gabriela]

oops, not sure that is the link. Not good with technology. It's supposed to be the link to the post topic 'Tedx discernment talk features nuns' on VS.

You can view it through a google search.

 

It's been uploaded to the TED site now:

 

http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Why-Nuns-Dont-Have-Mid-life-C-2;search%3Asigler

 

Or here:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m5Ek34BROE&list=PLsRNoUx8w3rPODRo_T8DNdXCWrm7m9jSa&index=12

Edited March 16, 2013 by curiousing