Singleness As Vocation

[ImageTrinity]

Now I could be entirely wrong here, I have not read extensively on the subject, but this is just my opinion. To me, singleness is our "natural" state in a way. A vocation is a call to something other, ie. marriage, priesthood, consecrated life, etc. It requires a vow or commitment of some sort, a change in your state. But to me it seems plausible that God wishes for some people to stay in that single state. So...is singleness a vocation? To me, no. But can it be God's will that one remain single? I think so.

 

Actually, John Paul II and others have affirmed that every single one of us is made for marriage -- that is the giving and receiving of love. Obviously, the nuptial meaning of the body takes different expressions in marriage, consecrated and single life, but marriage is our "default" vocation because it is our heavenly destiny.

[Tufsoles]

 I do agree that 2 days is a pretty short time. Being single is just a trastional state to either Marraige or Holy Conscrated LIfe. I am like the many on here that sees the 2 options unless you become a single concecrate. We do see a concern for you and understand your sexuality is a part this decsion. However, really discern about this topic more than just two days.  Read Nihil's stuff for better answer.

[Evangetholic]

This seems rather hasty. 

 

I don't think it's quite fair to write off the entire female population because you feel like all women would feel inadequate in a relationship with you, especially in such a short time as two days.  Did you have some kind of "revelation" about the nature of marriage?  An important part of marriage is helping each other get to heaven - and helping each other carry burdens along the way. 

 

That being said, I agree with CatholicCid's post about the single vocation. 

 

I actually did, Papist said something like "the best I can do for my boys is to love their mother." I started thinking about love and what it means in marriage.

 

Then I read "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" as part of my standard hour and a half with the Bible.

 

I think marriage is predicated at least in part on a kind of preoccupation, very strong physical attraction, and desire that I do not think I could ever have with a woman--honestly I think I'd eventually start to feel the relationship to be a cross, and that she would be missing her opportunity to be loved as she ought.

 

So that was that. This strange and sudden way of making decisions has served me very well until now (Catholicism, my degree, healthy, soul nourishing friendships, having put sins against purity in deed largely behind me).

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I do think I agree that singleness isn't a vocation. It doesn't quite make sense to me either. But someone else has mentioned the will of God being singleness for some. And this makes sense to me--it is not quite pleasant, but it's not upsetting either.

[Evangetholic]

Nihil's post about a broken cosmos and unfulfilled vocations also makes sense to me.

[Nihil Obstat]

Welp, I have no suggestions that could possibly help you, but as you already know the best way to approach difficulties like this is in prayer. You have a vocation- it is simply a matter of being open so that when God sees fit to lead you in the proper direction, you are ready to respond. "What one is meant to do as long as one is single, in other words, is to live one's total availability: to wait with active availability for God's will."

[beatitude]

I'm single and a candidate with a secular institute. Most institutes are for women, but there are some for men too. Perhaps this is an avenue that you could explore. However, you should know right from the outset that simply feeling as though marriage isn't for you would not be considered a sign of having such a vocation - you need to have some kind of positive attraction to this life, not feel as though it's your only option.

[HisChildForever]

The disordered nature of my affective desires means that marriage is an undesirable end. It's a state incompatible with my own happiness that could only result in unhappiness and feelings of inadequacy for the other party--not an especially upsetting realization to reach, but I'm not certain as to where to go from here (vis-a-vis living a life of use to God that protects my sanity and holiness without multiplying anyone else's burdens). I've made enough posts before this one for people to able to piece together the exact situation, but my understandings of modesty, politeness, and privacy have sufficiently changed that I'll not be more explicit about "why" than this statement.

 

I could've sworn I saw a post of yours mentioning a girlfriend...

[Debra Little]

Well Evangetholic, I can tell you right now, people are probably reluctant to touch this topic, at least around here. Mostly because there are a number of very outspoken people who think that being single is not a proper vocational state except for people who somehow can't possibly make marriage or religious life work. I think that's an awful narrow view of vocation myself.

I tried religious life and had to leave because of my health. I was married for 12 years and he died. I am not interested in going that route again. I enjoy single life and feel this is my calling now.

[Slappo]

I think marriage is predicated at least in part on a kind of preoccupation, very strong physical attraction, and desire that I do not think I could ever have with a woman--honestly I think I'd eventually start to feel the relationship to be a cross, and that she would be missing her opportunity to be loved as she ought.

 

That's just an incorrect understanding of marriage. Attraction and physical desire are definitely a plus, but they are not a requirement of either the vocation or the sacrament.

[HisChildForever]

That's just an incorrect understanding of marriage. Attraction and physical desire are definitely a plus, but they are not a requirement of either the vocation or the sacrament.

 

I would think that spouses are attracted to each other - and whether or not they're considered physically attractive to outside eyes wouldn't concern them.

[Starets]

Another possibility is singleness devoted to a life of service. There are several Catholic agencies in the USA that accept people for short and long term volunteering in various areas. A lot of it is service to the urban poor in various respects in major cities such as NYC, LA, Chicago and the like, but not necessarily.It might not be a life that gets any sort of canonical recognition, but it might b something to look into

[Nihil Obstat]

I would think that spouses are attracted to each other - and whether or not they're considered physically attractive to outside eyes wouldn't concern them.

Ideally yes, but even if there is zero attraction between them they can still live out the vocation to married life flawlessly.

[HisChildForever]

Ideally yes, but even if there is zero attraction between them they can still live out the vocation to married life flawlessly.

 

I totally get that, but I can't believe that spouses don't find at least one thing physically appealing about the other. One's love for one's spouse, plus the spouse's inner beauty and personality, would make it (to me) impossible not to find some physically attractive trait.

[Nihil Obstat]

I totally get that, but I can't believe that spouses don't find at least one thing physically appealing about the other. One's love for one's spouse, plus the spouse's inner beauty and personality, would make it (to me) impossible not to find some physically attractive trait.

I would hope so. I cannot imagine spending my life with someone to whom I was not pretty strongly attracted.

[EmilyAnn]

With physical attraction I think the way you feel about a person can make them more physically attractive to you. I always thought my boyfriend was good-looking, but the more I love him the more attractive I think he is.