Should Children Be Shamed

[Autumn Dusk]

So,  Im breaking off a branch  from another thread because I'm quite disturbed at the 1800's sense of discipline, that teachers should force students to hold hands (when it's not a matter of safety  that publicly admonishing and embarrassing a student.

 

I actually think it's horrid to embarrass a child on purpose or publicly shame them.  I've nannied, I take care of my friends kids (for days at a time) but I couldn't imagine shaming a child as a parent, never-mind a teacher.

[Selah]

Well, I know I was <_<

[Evangetholic]

Shame imo is healthy. Some things aren't pain and trauma. Some things are filth and disobedience.

[Autumn Dusk]

Shame imo is healthy. Some things aren't pain and trauma. Some things are filth and disobedience.

 

 

At the risk of sounding like a hippie fruitcake, really?  Kids disobey, but I've noticed it's when adults in their lives are failing them.  When they are over-tired, hungry etc.  I am not opposed to a good spanking, in private, when the child under 4 has done something dangerous like bite, run off, get unbuckled in a moving car, etc.  

 

Kids seem to be capable of doing enough things that they feel shame and embarrassment of on thier own.  Adults shouldn't add to it.

[Evangetholic]

I think a reasonable sense of shame and sorrow is good and natural. I do not believe in shaming children. I think we agree.

[Papist]

I don't know of this "1800's sense of discipline".  But, I have no problem with child feeling shame as adverse effect. But I do have a problem if the parent/teacher/etc intent is to inflict shame.

 

Why would children be forced to hold hands?

[homeschoolmom]

I think we're talking about two different things. One is public humiliation and ridicule. The other is allowing children to feel a sense of guilt and remorse and shame for the actions that they do.

 

No to the first, yes to the second.

[Autumn Dusk]

6, 7, 8 yr olds will certainly be shamed for talking during Mass and this is an extension of that.

 

 

This is the approval of shaming that disturbed me...I'm talking about adults shaming children, not children feeling shame for their own actions.  I do not think children should be shamed for talking in Mass.  Will a evil mommy face make them feel shame?  Thats up to the child's inner development, but the children shouldn't, say, be called on by name or pointed out individually.  That can be done in private or atleast in confidence.  Consequences can be assigned, but they should be ones that do not set the child up for ridicule.

[ContemporaryCaflicCrusader]

Some children have no shame though.  I went to the bank in my PJs yesterday  :|  .  I mean Nick Alexander was once a kid.  Haven't you seen him "Perform music" on EWTN (I am actually a huge fan).  OK but in all seriousness, painting a guys nails in his sleep cuz they're too long is way overboard, but calling a kid out on disobediance in public given the right circumstances is the right thing to do.  For instance, if a Center fielder is playing the whole outfield (Kids bb) defensively and being a unsportsmanlike twit about it I would not hesitate to bench him mid inning and bring a some attention to it for all to see.  

[Autumn Dusk]

Some children have no shame though.  I went to the bank in my PJs yesterday   :|  .  I mean Nick Alexander was once a kid.  Haven't you seen him "Perform music" on EWTN (I am actually a huge fan).  OK but in all seriousness, painting a guys nails in his sleep cuz they're too long is way overboard, but calling a kid out on disobediance in public given the right circumstances is the right thing to do.  For instance, if a Center fielder is playing the whole outfield (Kids bb) defensively and being a unsportsmanlike twit about it I would not hesitate to bench him mid inning and bring a some attention to it for all to see.  

 

 

You bench him, but don't bring attention to it.  Why go the extra mile.  You tell the kid, "good sports don't play the whole outfield, your benched"  You do not say, "Well everyone Johnny is going to be joining the bench-warmers because he can't seem to understand that centerfield dosn't mean the whold field."

[Papist]

This is the approval of shaming that disturbed me...I'm talking about adults shaming children, not children feeling shame for their own actions.  I do not think children should be shamed for talking in Mass.  Will a evil mommy face make them feel shame?  Thats up to the child's inner development, but the children shouldn't, say, be called on by name or pointed out individually.  That can be done in private or atleast in confidence.  Consequences can be assigned, but they should be ones that do not set the child up for ridicule.

 

If johnny is misbehaving while I am teaching class, I will call him by name and instruct him to quit the disruptive behavior. His shame comes from his behavior, not from me calling him out. 

[Fidei Defensor]

Private and personal shame, as a way of formation of conscious can be okay. Public shaming, however, it not. Children can already be quite self conscious and it doesn't help them to grow if they are under the impression that the opinions of everyone else has the power to make them feel bad about themselves.  "Shame" or "guilt" should always be something experienced privately so that it can be constructive.

[IcePrincessKRS]

At the risk of sounding like a hippie fruitcake, really?  Kids disobey, but I've noticed it's when adults in their lives are failing them.  When they are over-tired, hungry etc.  I am not opposed to a good spanking, in private, when the child under 4 has done something dangerous like bite, run off, get unbuckled in a moving car, etc.  

 

Kids seem to be capable of doing enough things that they feel shame and embarrassment of on thier own.  Adults shouldn't add to it.

 

Typically kids disobey because they don't feel like doing what the adults in their life have instructed them to do (or not do).

 

So,  Im breaking off a branch  from another thread because I'm quite disturbed at the 1800's sense of discipline, that teachers should force students to hold hands (when it's not a matter of safety  that publicly admonishing and embarrassing a student.

 

I actually think it's horrid to embarrass a child on purpose or publicly shame them.  I've nannied, I take care of my friends kids (for days at a time) but I couldn't imagine shaming a child as a parent, never-mind a teacher.

 

Parenting is a lot different than nannying.

[Roamin Catholic]

Typically kids disobey because they don't feel like doing what the adults in their life have instructed them to do (or not do).

 

 

Parenting is a lot different than nannying.

 

 

Agreed.  My wife babysat/nanny but said that none of those experiences even came close to what she has experienced as a mother.

 

Kids disobeying because the parents failed them? Get back to me when you have your own kids and they don't listen to you.  

[Autumn Dusk]

Typically kids disobey because they don't feel like doing what the adults in their life have instructed them to do (or not do).

 

 

Parenting is a lot different than nannying.

 

 

Perhaps, but i didn't just "babysit" I full time, live in nannied...the kids spent less time with their parents than they did with me.

 

I also have friends who generally use the "praise in public, correct in private" method.  They make a point to not call out their children in public nor bring any kind of public shame.  Their kids misbhave in private (in their home) but publicly misbehavior is ALWAYS a result of being over tired, over hungry or the like.  And when I'm around other kids it seems much the same.

Edited March 7, 2013 by Autumn Dusk