Seeking Advice: Practices At A Particular Church

[StMichael]

Somewhat stumped on what to advise.
 
Here is the situation. A friend has asked for advice regarding their children.
 
The parents attend a Church that is very much in keeping with the practice of mass that by all accounts is orthodox, their children, however attend a Catholic school that the Church associated with that school is very disobedient.
 
The children attend mass at the, best way to put it, orthodox church but every Friday the children attend mass at the disobedient church where they are forced to hold hands during the Lord's Prayer, etc. One of their children will be receiving their first Holy Communion this year and it is creating an issue for the child where they are forced at their school to do one thing and then other Churches are not.
 
My advice at first was for the parents to speak to the Pastor of the disobedient Church and see why they function in ways that is not outlined, etc. But I am not sure this is the right path.
 
The other is to find another Catholic school, but that would mean leaving a good school, the children's friends, etc 
 
I have been exposed to these Churches that act more protestant than anything else, and my thoughts is that the Pastor will not change the behavior of altar servers holding hands with the Priest during the Lord's Prayer, etc. 
 
Really want to advise them properly and hope some of you can help.

[Autumn Dusk]

If the only problem is holding hands during the Our Father the parents need to "suck it up".

 

Also, the parents should teach their children to fold their hands during the Our Father and not let other children persuade them to hold hands, if that's what the parents want.  This shouldn't be a problem if they go as a family.

 

They could also go to the Bishop with their concerns.  The church and the school isn't going away, if the kids are otherwise happy and well educated then the minor changes in Mass are something to deal with secondary.  

 

I don't buy the whole "confused kid" thing.  If the kid isn't autistic or under duress of some other mental problem then they will be fine.

[franciscanheart]

Leaving the church helps no one. I'd suggest they talk with the priest (emphasis on talk WITH) and simply advise their children not to hold hands.

[StMichael]

The family attends, as a family, Church every Sunday. The children are not seeking to hold hands, but when they are at mass on Friday in their school, which is not with the parents, their teachers are forcing them to hold hands.

 

The children have been corrected by the teacher to do so, in a public way.

 

The Priest stands behind the altar holding hands with the altar servers and encourages standing in the aisle to hold hands. 

 

It has become an issue for the family and just seeing what I can offer them other than arming themselves with information on the mass and speak with the Pastor.

 

 

If the only problem is holding hands during the Our Father the parents need to "suck it up".

 

Also, the parents should teach their children to fold their hands during the Our Father and not let other children persuade them to hold hands, if that's what the parents want.  This shouldn't be a problem if they go as a family.

 

They could also go to the Bishop with their concerns.  The church and the school isn't going away, if the kids are otherwise happy and well educated then the minor changes in Mass are something to deal with secondary.  

 

I don't buy the whole "confused kid" thing.  If the kid isn't autistic or under duress of some other mental problem then they will be fine.

 

[Autumn Dusk]

The family attends, as a family, Church every Sunday. The children are not seeking to hold hands, but when they are at mass on Friday in their school, which is not with the parents, their teachers are forcing them to hold hands.

 

The children have been corrected by the teacher to do so, in a public way.

 

The Priest stands behind the altar holding hands with the altar servers and encourages standing in the aisle to hold hands. 

 

It has become an issue for the family and just seeing what I can offer them other than arming themselves with information on the mass and speak with the Pastor.

 

Forcing the children to hold hands is problematic besides Mass.  For any issues other than safety children should not be forced to hold hands.  Public admonishment is utterly unacceptable for any reason!!!!!

 

I don't think this has much to do with Mass but how the children are treated in general.

[Lilllabettt]

Public admonishment is utterly unacceptable for any reason!!!!!

 

lol. for real? how long since you were in school?

 

I agree that apart from safety children should not be required to touch each other.

[Autumn Dusk]

lol. for real? how long since you were in school?

 

I agree that apart from safety children should not be required to touch each other.

 

I should of said public embarassment.  Still, around here, and with all my education major friends, it was correct in person, praise in pubic.  Poster makes it sound like they are being shamed

[Slappo]

The family attends, as a family, Church every Sunday. The children are not seeking to hold hands, but when they are at mass on Friday in their school, which is not with the parents, their teachers are forcing them to hold hands.

 

The children have been corrected by the teacher to do so, in a public way.

 

Sounds like the family needs to talk to the teacher as well, not just the priest. As Autumn Dusk said, it is highly inappropriate for the teacher to force the children to hold hands.

[StMichael]

Yes, the children are being shamed into holding hands. 

 

 

I should of said public embarassment.  Still, around here, and with all my education major friends, it was correct in person, praise in pubic.  Poster makes it sound like they are being shamed

 

[Tufsoles]

This is happening at school in where I live. I do suggest like everyone else talk to your priest and write to your bishop with your concerns. It does help. I have had to do with a particular person( he wasn't running a particular program in a certain manner) in the diocese and it fixed the issue and it does make people "play nice" Also talk to the head of the school about the issue because the more involved the better educated we become and prevent something like this to happen again.

Edited March 5, 2013 by Tufsoles

[Apotheoun]

Sounds like the family needs to talk to the teacher as well, not just the priest. As Autumn Dusk said, it is highly inappropriate for the teacher to force the children to hold hands.

I agree, it sounds like they should talk to the teacher.

[Honour]

I can't believe so many people are against children holding hands in general.  I don't get it.

[Nihil Obstat]

I can't believe so many people are against children holding hands in general. I don't get it.

I see nothing in the missal directing this practice.

[cmotherofpirl]

We don't add things to the Mass because it makes some people feel good. We are not protestants. Hand-holding is not part of the Catholic Mass.

 

http://wdtprs.com/blog/2011/05/quaeritur-our-father-hand-holding-fr-z-rants/

 

 

and 

 

Concerning holding hands in the Eucharistic Liturgy the Congregation for Divine Worship in Rome responded as follows:

QUERY: In some places there is a current practice whereby those taking part in the Mass replace the giving of the sign of peace at the deacon’s invitation by holding hands during the singing of the Lord’s Prayer. Is this acceptable? REPLY: The prolonged holding of hands is of itself a sign of communion rather than of peace. Further, it is a liturgical gesture introduced spontaneously but on personal initiative; it is not in the rubrics. Nor is there any clear explanation of why the sign of peace at the invitation: “Let us offer each other the sign of peace” should be supplanted in order to bring a different gesture with less meaning into another part of the Mass: the sign of peace is filled with meaning, graciousness, and Christian inspiration. Any substitution for it must be repudiated: Notitiae 11 (1975) 226. [Notitiae is the journal of the Congregation in which its official interpretations of the rubrics are published.]

[morostheos]

Honestly, holding hands during the Our Father is not a grave sacrilege. Sure, it's not in the GIRM, but I can think of many worse abuses I have seen at school Masses. While it is not an official posture/action within the missal, what is in the missal in the importance of the faithful avoiding any appearance of singularity or division. I personally think the parents should explain that the preferred posture is to keep their hands folded in prayer during the Lord's Prayer, but out of respect for the authority of their teachers and priest at school they should follow the instructions of their teacher while they are at school.

 

Edited to add:

I do think it would be appropriate for the parents to voice their concern to the teacher and priest, but I think that should be done separate from the children and their immediate actions. The ideal situation would be catechesis of the school administration and the priest regarding the topic so that they choose to discontinue holding hands and explain to the children why they are doing so. Getting in a battle about what is the proper posture and involving the children will not accomplish this.

Edited March 6, 2013 by morostheos