Discontentment

[Guest brandy_jo]

That's one of my struggles: I know God wants me at college this year, but I long for the opportunities being in the monastery would afford me that a person living her vocation as a student busy with classes and work doesn't have or have to the same extent.

 

Also, on a personal note, I too would love to have the opportunities that being in religious life affords.  However, having been in religious life and finding that it is not my vocation I have to do the same thing you have to do- find the Will of God in daily life.  That is the primary point I am trying to make- religious life, the priesthood, marriage, lay single life, sickness, health, whatever....the point is the Will of God.  So, I guess, make the best of what you have now and try to be grateful.  Everything is Grace!

[OnlySunshine]

Being in a somewhat similar situation, I can sympathize.  I was thinking earlier today how much of my time has been spent discerning in the last 5 years and how dearly I want it to come to fruition.  However, only God knows when I'm ready and so I am sure that my vocation at present is being a college student and keeping up with my studies.  There are days where I would love to quit school and enter religious life but that is not the right thing for me right now, especially since I'm on financial aid and I would have to pay back the money if I were to withdraw from classes.  I'm sure God will let me know when it is my time and He will let you know when it is yours.  :)

[domenica_therese]

The thing that helps the most that my SD tells me:
She asks me: "Katie, do you think it is by chance that God allowed you to begin considering religious life so early? While you still have 2 years left in college? Do you think that was just a mistake? Or did he purposefully give you these inspirations this early? Do you think he wanted to give you time to mature in your prayer life and grow in your devotion, or just to drive you crazy while you wait to enter formation?"
 
Clearly, God didn't just accidentally give us these thoughts of religious life to torment us while we're still in school. He intentionally and purposefully planted these seeds of our vocation NOW, while we have the time we NEED to prepare for religious life. I know it's hard to be in school. I hate school. So anyway, I'm right there with you! Just remember that Jesus planned this. He wants us in school, even if we can't understand why right now.

I needed to hear this right now. :)

It comes in waves for me, but it was especially difficult for me at the end of last year when I was stressed and overworked. I've always had a pretty strong conviction I was supposed to finish college before entrance, but sometimes it is so hard. The discontentment wave has been creeping back a little recently because the nuns just left campus, and I just want to follow them; also, one of my friends might be entering a bit more abruptly than anticipated, so that's causing stirrings in my heart, because I want to too!

There's two main things for me:
1) I want to finish my degree because I want to have all of my certification for if I do leave the convent. Not because I don't trust in the Lord, or because I'm looking for an "out" (I just want an in!), but because I want to make sure I enter -- and stay -- with a totally free heart. If it turns out that isn't where God wants me to be, I think it would be harder for me to follow through on that knowing that I had to return to school.
2) My parents are extremely supportive of my vocation and discernment, but my dad has expressed at various times that he is glad I'm finishing my degree, and that he wouldn't really have been in favor of me dropping out. If I felt very strongly it was God's will I'm sure they would understand, but I know it will give my family so much more peace about all of this if I finish my degree first, and I feel it is a small sacrifice for me to make on my part.


I've realized that this desire for the beyond can be channeled productively though, because it gives a lot more purpose to my time here at college than I feel a lot of my peers have (which is sometimes a bit alienating). The question "Why am I still here and not in a convent?" is a good one to ask myself to focus myself on what's important. I'm not still here to scroll facebook for endless hours or mindless roam obscure corners of the internet. I'm here to grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as much as I possibly can before entrance; and to serve my school and my friends. It helps me keep my priorities straight. How popular I was in college won't matter a whit soon; how good of a friend I was to those I encountered -- and how good I was at loving people I disliked -- will.

[Guest Allie]

Where are you visiting? I saw on another of your posts that you're interested in the Poor Clares. If it's God's will and I'm accepted, I will enter the Poor Sisters of St. Clare sometime hopefully this summer. And you're right, I'm sure the lessons we learn now will be useful in whatever vocation we are called.

 

I don't want to say which community yet, feel like I'd need Mother's ok but I will tell you it is a Poor Clare Collettine monastery and it's not Roswell--though I'm loving and laughing my way through "A Right to be Merry" these days.  It's like the "happily ever after" of my cinerellas story.

 

Prayers for you my Sister.

[TheresaThoma]

My other advice is if you are seriously discerning with a community discuss your schooling with them. At one point I was thinking about dropping out to enter so I discussed this with the community. They told me that I should finish my degree first (I'm not incurring any more debt and I am really close to finishing). There were some other reasons too (it would be helpful to the community, I'm freer to discern etc). This was helpful because when things get tough I can go back to that agreement and remind myself that finishing my degree is partly in obedience to the communities wishes. 

[Gabriela]

I don't want to say which community yet, feel like I'd need Mother's ok but I will tell you it is a Poor Clare Collettine monastery and it's not Roswell--though I'm loving and laughing my way through "A Right to be Merry" these days.  It's like the "happily ever after" of my cinerellas story.

 

Prayers for you my Sister.

 

If it's Barhamsville, do me a favor and tell Mother that her friend at Virginia Tech says hi, and that the thesis is almost done. :-)

[MarysLittleFlower]

I was on a retreat at a convent this weekend, and transitioning back to life at college has been difficult. I know my sense of discontentment is more acute because I was just at the convent, but to a lesser degree, that's how I feel about being in school constantly. I mean, it's enjoyable enough, and I don't mean to complain. I know God meant for me to have this year at this school, and I've grown and learned a lot. I just don't know what to do with this feeling of discontentment. Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts?

I can relate to this. When I was a student, I began thinking about religious life. I think it was mostly the prayer, being around the Blessed Sacrament so much, the vows, etc... I know that there are crosses in religious life, but it IS beautiful, and especially with the crosses, perhaps. Maybe at times I did forget that and idealize it. But there is so much there that is helpful to our souls. Meanwhile, I was surrounded by homework, the media, popular music, fashion, etc... and it was all just weary to me and seemed meaningless. Even the studies didn't seem to be all that relevant to anything because what i studied had no relation to what I was thinking about.

 

I think that this sort of discontent with the world, isn't a bad thing.. i mean, we are in exile. The world is not our home... and we won't feel at home here. And if we'd rather go to an Adoration chapel than be surrounded by malls/loud music/pop culture, that is imo a good thing too.

 

However, I think now that we should also grow in holiness where we are at the moment... this could mean, accepting this cross of being in exile. It's also doing our duties right now. So studying is like a duty, that we have to do. We shouldl do everything well... that's something I wish I remembered more back then, when I was in school. However, - if you feel like you need to leave college/university and go to a convent, that is different.

 

I think maybe a good attitude for those who believe they should finish their schooling first - is to accept the cross of feeling this way, maybe find joy in it because you're actually longing to be closer to God, and to do all your school work well, but use the rest of the time for prayer. :) This is just my point of view! I'm finding something similar now, living in the world, and working... even though I'm not in school, I'm faced with the same situation.