A Question For Female Discerners

[PhuturePriest]

It seems to me as if everyone here has a very romantic approach in their relationship with Jesus. It's probably because I'm a man, but I never saw him as a spouse in my relationship with him so much as a King (Sort of like a King/Knight relationship). Is this something girls just do automatically? When I think of my relationship with Jesus, I see him as someone I love, but also someone that I serve. Someone that I fight for and (At least hopefully) would lay down my life for. It seemed very odd to me at first when I saw girls speak of Jesus in a very romantic way on here, and it still kind of is, though I have no problem with it. I guess I'm just trying to figure out the "Why" of it. I'll probably never fully understand it, but it's been on my mind and I finally decided to ask.

Edited February 25, 2013 by FuturePriest387

[Kateri89]

Well I can't speak for other women but I know that from my point of view, religious life is about a spousal commitment.  It's not in anyway sexual and inappropriate, but rather like wedding vows.  Taking vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience allows us to be totally committed to Christ and to journey with Him.  I kind of see it the same way I would if I were married to a man and I vowed to spend my life with him, i.e. I would make sacrifices for him, move across the country if he got a new job, etc.  The vocation to marriage is beautiful and necessary, and no doubt married people can deeply love Christ, but they also have to divide their focus between spending time with Christ and spending time with their family, coworkers, etc.  Religious life is about sacrificing those things so that there are no distractions from Christ.  So from my female perspective, entering religious life is committing myself to Christ and with Him, bringing souls to Heaven.  Not to mention, consecrated religious are also part of the Church which is the "bride of Christ" so in that way, they are also brides of Christ. (I hope this makes sense to people)

 

I will admit though that I felt a little uncomfortable for awhile when I would hear women talk about religious life in a romantic sense.  I see it totally different now but I know some others don't.

[maximillion]

I think there is more to it than the above - it is understandable that most women have romantic feelings for men, for many these are simply transferred to Jesus when one falls in love with Him.

For most men, it is understandable that this would not be the case........

 

There is more to it than this but I think this is a big part of it.

 

Catholic girls have been raised to think of the man in their future in a romantic way.

Catholic boys are raised to think of a GIRL in their future in a romantic way.

If the Man in my future is Jesus.......it follows that I would be going against most of my past for this to not also be romantically inclined in some way.

For a guy, unless he is gay, then the romantic stuff would not follow so naturally.

Edited February 25, 2013 by maximillion

[TheLordsSouljah]

In reading a diocese's publication on vocations, in trying to reconcile guys positions (as we are all the Church, we are all technically the bride, therefore the receptive) when it comes to vocations and taking the receptive, or 'female' stance in the relationship, they said it is a lot more like what you are feeling - a brother to brother relationship, a son to father, a knight to king. To me you sound like you're in the right spot... It's cause the culture has saturated the general population's minds with the sexual aspect of intimacy (and a fatally flawed one at that), it is excruciatingly difficult to rise to the perfectly pure form of love... and the mentality thereof. 

Yeah, was quite surprised how many ladies here think of the Lord Jesus that way. Hehe, they all must love Saint Therese and have read the Song of Songs a million times...

[TheLordsSouljah]

In reading a diocese's publication on vocations, in trying to reconcile guys positions (as we are all the Church, we are all technically the bride, therefore the receptive) when it comes to vocations and taking the receptive, or 'female' stance in the relationship, they said it is a lot more like what you are feeling - a brother to brother relationship, a son to father, a knight to king. To me you sound like you're in the right spot... It's cause the culture has saturated the general population's minds with the sexual aspect of intimacy (and a fatally flawed one at that), it is excruciatingly difficult to rise to the perfectly pure form of love... and the mentality thereof. 

Yeah, was quite surprised how many ladies here think of the Lord Jesus that way. Hehe, they all must love Saint Therese and have read the Song of Songs a million times...

[TheLordsSouljah]

GRAAAAAAAAAH double posts....... **EPIC CRY**

[beatitude]

I'm female but spousal imagery has never been a part of my relationship with Christ. My spirituality is heavily influenced by Charles de Foucauld, who emphasised Jesus as brother. This is how I relate to Jesus primarily - as brother and as friend. I think we need to be aware that there is no one 'right' way to see him - all our human conceptions of God and Christ are too limited for that, and it is only when you realise that everyone's relationship with him is unique that you begin to understand.

 

(I am discerning with a secular institute, not with a religious community.)

[petitpèlerin]

Great question. I don't get it either. I don't see Jesus as lover, I see him as brother. I'm willing to give up getting married in order to seek a more profound mystical union with him, but I don't experience it in a romantic way. Then again, I've never been the kind of girl to dream of romance in the same way most girls do, and the way some of them gush about Jesus sounds just the same as girls gushing about their boyfriends. Personally I don't get into it.

But I've been noticing the strangest thing lately: the closer I get to my vocation, I fall halfway in love with nearly every person I meet who is a member of my community (male or female). What is this all about? Is my little, pea-sized, rock-hard heart being opened? Still, they're people in the flesh standing in front of me, and Jesus is someone who is intimately present to me but not in a way I can grasp with my senses, so being "in love" with him is sort of a unique thing, not really comparable to a romantic crush. And if I see any person of God as spouse, it's the Holy Spirit. But he's spirit, not body.

[PhuturePriest]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I guess it just struck me in an odd way when I would see girls say "I fell in love with Jesus" and they mean it in exactly the same way as if I said "I fell in love with *Name girl*". At first I figured it was just young girls who had never had a crush before merely putting their romantic ideas on Jesus (And who's to say that's not what this is in some cases), but I think there is more to it than that. I will never see Jesus in this way, but I think that's beneficial for the Church. The Church benefits from all the different relationships we have with Jesus. Whether you see him like your brother in arms or very intimately as your spouse, I think both have their part in the Church.

Edited February 25, 2013 by FuturePriest387

[savvy]

We are called in different ways. I experienced the call to be the bride of Christ, before I even knew it was theology. This is a metaphor, but perhaps could be a strong metaphor for a relationship that is vowed and life-long. God also knows each one of us and knows the desires of our heart, and what would satisfy us.

We look for analogies, but no human relationship is deep enough to express spiritual realities.

[He is Risen!]

In addition to the above posts, I think that another reason a woman might view her relationship with our Lord differently is because of the call to spiritual motherhood.  I know that while a priest has his flock, a sister has her spiritual children.  She has the Holy Spirit living inside of her, receives Jesus at the mass, leads a life of prayer, etc. and as a result of that relationship, gives birth to love, to leading souls to heaven through her prayer and ministries, all of which are sanctified by her consecrated life.  I think that the motherly love of a consecrated woman, a mother, a father, a brother, etc. are each very special but have different "shapes" (for lack of a better word)  Pope John Paul II's apostolic exhortation, Vita Consecrata is an excellent resource on this topic.

[OnlySunshine]

In addition to the above posts, I think that another reason a woman might view her relationship with our Lord differently is because of the call to spiritual motherhood.  I know that while a priest has his flock, a sister has her spiritual children.  She has the Holy Spirit living inside of her, receives Jesus at the mass, leads a life of prayer, etc. and as a result of that relationship, gives birth to love, to leading souls to heaven through her prayer and ministries, all of which are sanctified by her consecrated life.  I think that the motherly love of a consecrated woman, a mother, a father, a brother, etc. are each very special but have different "shapes" (for lack of a better word)  Pope John Paul II's apostolic exhortation, Vita Consecrata is an excellent resource on this topic.

 

I must read that encyclical!  Everyone keeps telling me about it and I've only ever read excerpts.  Bl. John Paul is my patron saint this year and I've grown quite close to him.  He has always been my favorite Pope.  :)

[Lilllabettt]

I do not and never did relate to Jesus in a bridegroom sort of way. I rather see/saw myself as the handmaid of the King, the handmaid of the Queen. 

 

Of course I am not a romantic and am usually tempted to look down my nose at romanticism, consider it  un-evolved, beneath me, etc. This is regards to where men are concerned. So its not terribly surprising that would transfer to my relationship with God.

 

When I was in the convent, declining the bride-of-Christ paradigm was rather frowned upon. We were encouraged to develop it if we did not have it.

[domenica_therese]

When I first started discerning, I thought that I couldn't have a vocation because I didn't have that consuming -- and yes, sometimes a bit romantic -- LOVE for Christ that I saw in others who were discerning. If you look at my personality type online, there seem to be genuine doubts about whether my type has normal, beating hearts like the rest of humanity, or a computer processor. I thought that I generally abhorred mushiness and gushiness, and I didn't like love-struck statements about Christ (eg. I just love Christ so much because he is the Lord of my soul, and I owe everything to Him, and He is just so amazing, and He works such wonders in me, etc., etc.,) because they came across to me as un-genuine. Maybe I was over-exposed to the over-cooked side of that at Steubenville conferences.

 

But here's the funny thing. I never intended to love Christ like that, but he totally wooed me. It was unexpected and undeserved, but he filled my heart with a love for him. I literally had to have a Grinch moment where my heart grew several sizes.

 

My spiritual director recently pointed me towards the scripture passage where it says God will take away our hearts of stone and give us human hearts. He meant it more in terms of God perfecting our hearts and making us reliant and humble by taking away our props of vice and leaving us weak, but I find it to be very central to my vocational journey.

 

Maybe there are discerners who deliberately romanticize their relationship with Christ, but this type of self-created thing doesn't last. I think in any vocation this will eventually switch and it will be Christ wooing. Any facade of a romantic relationship with Christ we can conjure up is nothing compared to the cathedral -- just don't assume there's no cathedral behind it just because you see the facade.

 

So yes, I've become a Jesus mush, and it's rather embarrassing if I think about it, so I don't. I just let him love me.  :nun1:

 

 

 

 

[PhuturePriest]

When I first started discerning, I thought that I couldn't have a vocation because I didn't have that consuming -- and yes, sometimes a bit romantic -- LOVE for Christ that I saw in others who were discerning. If you look at my personality type online, there seem to be genuine doubts about whether my type has normal, beating hearts like the rest of humanity, or a computer processor. I thought that I generally abhorred mushiness and gushiness, and I didn't like love-struck statements about Christ (eg. I just love Christ so much because he is the Lord of my soul, and I owe everything to Him, and He is just so amazing, and He works such wonders in me, etc., etc.,) because they came across to me as un-genuine. Maybe I was over-exposed to the over-cooked side of that at Steubenville conferences.

 

But here's the funny thing. I never intended to love Christ like that, but he totally wooed me. It was unexpected and undeserved, but he filled my heart with a love for him. I literally had to have a Grinch moment where my heart grew several sizes.

 

My spiritual director recently pointed me towards the scripture passage where it says God will take away our hearts of stone and give us human hearts. He meant it more in terms of God perfecting our hearts and making us reliant and humble by taking away our props of vice and leaving us weak, but I find it to be very central to my vocational journey.

 

Maybe there are discerners who deliberately romanticize their relationship with Christ, but this type of self-created thing doesn't last. I think in any vocation this will eventually switch and it will be Christ wooing. Any facade of a romantic relationship with Christ we can conjure up is nothing compared to the cathedral -- just don't assume there's no cathedral behind it just because you see the facade.

 

So yes, I've become a Jesus mush, and it's rather embarrassing if I think about it, so I don't. I just let him love me.  :nun1:

 

Thank you so much for sharing this. And don't be embarrassed! If it helps any, I'm one of the most helplessly romantic guys that ever existed. :P