I Can't Stand My Younger Sister

[Winchester]

Use aversion therapy. When she complains, squirt her with a water bottle. Put vinegar in the water, if she proves resistant.

[dominicansoul]

Short answer -- I have forgiven her numerous times. I found out two days ago that about a year ago, she slammed my dad on the floor and his head hit the bathroom tile. He has had multiple heart attacks, diabetes, etc.

 

 

Seriously??? I wish someone would have called the police and had her arrested for assault and battery!  This kind of abuse shouldn't be tolerated!  Maybe a few months in the slammer and a huge fine would set her straight...

[Autumn Dusk]

Seriously??? I wish someone would have called the police and had her arrested for assault and battery!  This kind of abuse shouldn't be tolerated!  Maybe a few months in the slammer and a huge fine would set her straight...

 

While this sounds serious...are you sure there isn't exaggerating going on...like an angry flail that caused the dad to slip.  Seeing that it happened a year ago, I'm guessing that memory has embellished.

[missionseeker]

I don't know about your father, but my father generally minimizes our mistakes if they hurt him. He would never say "She caused me to hit my head" if we were in an argument and he merely slipped. And given the fact they didn't tell zz, I would imagine they're NOT trying to embellish it. 

[IcePrincessKRS]

"she slammed me on the floor" is a lot different than "she made me stumble and I fell."

[Basilisa Marie]

Short answer -- I have forgiven her numerous times. I found out two days ago that about a year ago, she slammed my dad on the floor and his head hit the bathroom tile. He has had multiple heart attacks, diabetes, etc. Ever since then, coupled with her selfishness, I find it difficult and exhausting to be there for here. She never goes out of her way for me, even though I do for her, I mean I'm just tired. She never asks how I am doing, nothing. Everything is all about her. On my birthday, I got a FB wall post "happy bday" from my sister. WE LIVE TOGETHER!!! RAWR!!!

 

I'm just a very tenderhearted person, and maybe I expect "too much". Even when I try to help her it gets thrown in my face. I will forgive, I don't hold grudges, but I don't forget either. I've always made the effort. I really think maybe I should just not talk to her for a while when I move. I just wonder how someone could treat their family this way. I'm not perfect but dang...I'm not that bad either!

 

Sounds to me like you keep communicating in "your" language to her and want her to communicate in "your" language back.  Yes, any decent human being would wish the person they live with happy birthday in person.  But at least she did so on facebook, that's better than nothing.  Pathetic, sure, but better than nothing.  Although your standard of being a decent human being is perfectly reasonable (and correct), you have to stop holding her to it. Do you affirm her or say thank you if she ever does something "right," even if it's not up to your standards?  Stop trying to help her unless she asks, stop expecting her to act in a way that isn't selfish, affirm her or say thank you when she does something good (positive reinforcement), and be civil to her.  You know she's obnoxious and selfish, so expect her to be obnoxious and selfish.  I say that because doing so helped me deal with my own sister. It'll take a lot less effort on your part if you just expect her to be obnoxious and stop trying to help her.  

Edited February 12, 2013 by Basilisa Marie

[Anomaly]

So fiancé and I were thinking about staying with dad to save money. I told my sis and while she was polite to my face, Mt. Vesuvius erupted downstairs in the basement. She is so horribly selfish and only sees things her way. She's 19, thinks she knows everything, is very ungrateful for anything anyone besides her friends do for her, just a mean nasty person. She has no life beyond her few friends and working part time. I have since stopped doing things for her. I invited her to my bachelorette party, she politely told me it was a waste of her time. Gee, thanks lil sis!

We are moving out, everyone including dad is urging us to leave since she is so bratty. My mom always wants us to work it out, and I did as recently as last week, but she hurts me too much. I don't want her in my life, at my wedding, I want her very existence to fade from my mind. Is there anyone who greatly dislikes their sibling as much as I do? There is nothing enjoyable about her. I'm tired, I am done.

I won't uninvite her to the wedding, well because drama, but I don't want her in my life. Any tips on how to make the hurt go away? We are moving March 1, it can't come fast enough. Just looking at her makes me angry.

 

 

Like Papist said.  She acts that way because she gets away with it.  I can understand changing your behavior to avoid conflict, but there is no incentive for her to change because it's working for her.  She acts like an a$$, and she gets her way.  I have a sister who used to do that.  Eventually, everyone got tired of it, and started saying something or doing it anyway despite her BS.  My parents put up w/ her because she was the youngest and they probably were just worn out.  It was her siblings that started calling her on it before my parents did.  It took years, but she changed and grew up.  Her bad habits didn't start overnite, nor did they change immediately either.  There was rumor of physical threatening w/ my mom that was unsubstantiated, but my brother and I make it clear to her privately that if something really happened, there would be serious repurcussions.

 

You have to make the choice of what it's worth to you despite her being unpleasant.  She doesn't have to be nice and be friendly.  You can still be nice to her.  But don't be a pushover and give in if she raises hell because you want to do something reasonable.  Like you point out, uninviting her, or confronting her and inconsequential things are not worth the drama.  You have to get over the idea that her existence makes you angry.  You have to figure out how to be firm, fair, and kind while choosing what to ignore.

 

  IF your parents want to tolerate her behavior, bail her out of jams, etc., that's their business.  I would also consider that maybe your parents would like you to live with them to help support them dealing with her.

[Debra Little]

Treat all you meet as if they were Christ. The only way forward is the way of love.

 

that is very easy to say!  wait til you've been in a relationship with someone who is abusive,

for a long time.  i forgive but i never excuse manipulative, controlling, or violent behavior.

that includes verbal and emotional abuse.  my brother is abusive, though he has a mental

illness we are all sure, and he won't get help.  he is still responsible for his behavior and i

will have nothing to do with him anymore.  i have cut myself off from that relationship for my

own good.

[Winchester]

Angry flails are a serious issue. Much worse than angry maces, or perturbed swords.

[Autumn Dusk]

"she slammed me on the floor" is a lot different than "she made me stumble and I fell."

 

My point is that it's been over a year and unless there's something much more serious going on it's most likely some kind of drama on either end.

 

Usually physical violence escotates.  It's almost unheard of for something physical to occur and then have no other physical violence for months or years.  Things like this never happen "once" which is why I find it fishy.

 

This leads me to believe that either there's something else going on with the daughter that is causing the parents to want her to stay at home, eg she's displaying mental illness and there has been more physical violoence

 

or

 

The father and daughter were both participating in some kind of row that got out of hand and the father ended up getting the worst of it

 

or 

 

The parents are sick of things and are (inappropriately) expressing thier case for their wayward daughter to their other helpless daughter and giving examples that the helpless daughter has no control over muchless able to verify.

[organwerke]

Seriously??? I wish someone would have called the police and had her arrested for assault and battery!  This kind of abuse shouldn't be tolerated!  Maybe a few months in the slammer and a huge fine would set her straight...

 

This... and this and this and this a thousand  times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thessalonian]

So fiancé and I were thinking about staying with dad to save money. I told my sis and while she was polite to my face, Mt. Vesuvius erupted downstairs in the basement. She is so horribly selfish and only sees things her way. She's 19, thinks she knows everything, is very ungrateful for anything anyone besides her friends do for her, just a mean nasty person. She has no life beyond her few friends and working part time. I have since stopped doing things for her. I invited her to my bachelorette party, she politely told me it was a waste of her time. Gee, thanks lil sis!

We are moving out, everyone including dad is urging us to leave since she is so bratty. My mom always wants us to work it out, and I did as recently as last week, but she hurts me too much. I don't want her in my life, at my wedding, I want her very existence to fade from my mind. Is there anyone who greatly dislikes their sibling as much as I do? There is nothing enjoyable about her. I'm tired, I am done.

I won't uninvite her to the wedding, well because drama, but I don't want her in my life. Any tips on how to make the hurt go away? We are moving March 1, it can't come fast enough. Just looking at her makes me angry.

 

The most difficult people in life are the ones that we can grow the most from loving.  I recall a story where a woman came to a priest screaming because her kids were driving her nuts.  The priest told her to pray and ask for patience.  She came back later and said that the kids were worse than ever.  God does not just hand us what we want, ie. better behavior for her kids meant that she had to learn something first.  Perhaps there are things in you that need to change. 

[Lil Red]

  Things like this never happen "once" which is why I find it fishy.

 

it's pretty inappropriate for you to assume that zabba is either lying or hiding some truth.