zabbazooey Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 So fiancé and I were thinking about staying with dad to save money. I told my sis and while she was polite to my face, Mt. Vesuvius erupted downstairs in the basement. She is so horribly selfish and only sees things her way. She's 19, thinks she knows everything, is very ungrateful for anything anyone besides her friends do for her, just a mean nasty person. She has no life beyond her few friends and working part time. I have since stopped doing things for her. I invited her to my bachelorette party, she politely told me it was a waste of her time. Gee, thanks lil sis! We are moving out, everyone including dad is urging us to leave since she is so bratty. My mom always wants us to work it out, and I did as recently as last week, but she hurts me too much. I don't want her in my life, at my wedding, I want her very existence to fade from my mind. Is there anyone who greatly dislikes their sibling as much as I do? There is nothing enjoyable about her. I'm tired, I am done. I won't uninvite her to the wedding, well because drama, but I don't want her in my life. Any tips on how to make the hurt go away? We are moving March 1, it can't come fast enough. Just looking at her makes me angry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I had a pretty troubled relationship with my sister for a while. Things got better after I went to college and then she went to college. I think growing up a bit and spending time apart was the best thing for it. It felt better for me too after I was out on my own for a while, because I was able to get to a point where I could let it go. In the meantime, I know it's really difficult, but keep trying to be as kind to her as you are able. Hopefully her volcano personality is a phase, try to wait it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I don't have any advice, but I'll pray for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Any tips on how to make the hurt go away? Forgive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) Your sister does not want you to stay at your dad's and has a tantrum. And everyone including your dad is urging you not to stay at your dad's. If this was the trend for the past 19 years, your sister's reaction should not be a surprise. If it was me, I wouldn't give a rats about your sister's tantrum. Moving in with your dad is between you and him. But to address your question, Do you want a relationship with your sister, if it not a toxic one? I would ask your sister why she so upset. She'll list some selfish reasons, yes? If so, I would just say, "I am sorry. I didn't consider those things if I were to move in here. I am sorry. Please forgive me." Edited February 11, 2013 by Papist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kateri89 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I can't relate very well because I actually have a great relationship with my sister even though we have very different views on moral issues, etc. I did have a somewhat volatile relationship with my brother for a long time. He teased me relentlessly when I was little and I had a hard time getting past that once I was older. We both had strong personalities and fought a lot but once I moved out and we had some space, things got better. My advice is to give her (and yourself) some space but not too much space. As much as you might not want to, try going out of your way to do something nice for her (it's a great way of dying to self and will ultimately give you some peace). Try to do so without expecting anything in return. And above all, pray! Pray for patience and the ability to bite your tongue so that you don't add to the friction. Then pray for your sister, that she will see how poor her behavior is and change. But really, don't give up because with God all things are possible and a sister can make one of the greatest friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 zz - i don't know the particulars and history of your relationship with your sister. what i can tell you is that out of the five sisters i have, there is only one that i cannot have a relationship with, because her attitude towards our parents and other family members, and her own personality, makes it impossible. it wasn't an easy decision by any means, and many attempts to reconcile with her and her to the family, have been tried. don't make the decision lightly to cut such a close family member out of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 No advice, just love. xo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debra Little Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 So fiancé and I were thinking about staying with dad to save money. I told my sis and while she was polite to my face, Mt. Vesuvius erupted downstairs in the basement. She is so horribly selfish and only sees things her way. She's 19, thinks she knows everything, is very ungrateful for anything anyone besides her friends do for her, just a mean nasty person. She has no life beyond her few friends and working part time. I have since stopped doing things for her. I invited her to my bachelorette party, she politely told me it was a waste of her time. Gee, thanks lil sis! We are moving out, everyone including dad is urging us to leave since she is so bratty. My mom always wants us to work it out, and I did as recently as last week, but she hurts me too much. I don't want her in my life, at my wedding, I want her very existence to fade from my mind. Is there anyone who greatly dislikes their sibling as much as I do? There is nothing enjoyable about her. I'm tired, I am done. I won't uninvite her to the wedding, well because drama, but I don't want her in my life. Any tips on how to make the hurt go away? We are moving March 1, it can't come fast enough. Just looking at her makes me angry. i can't stand my brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I have a hard time with one of my sisters. (I have three, only one is hard to get along with. I also have three brothers and no one except her is a problem. I'm not sure, but I think this almost makes it worse, knowing that she chooses to be so ... awful to us). She is an amazing manipulator, lazy, lies all the time, expects my parents to fix her problems (which they have up to this point. They say they won't do it again - and I hope they are never put in the position where they have to choose between having to let their kid be homeless in ND in the winter or spend thousands of dollars to make sure she at least can stay in a dorm, with food.) She is very selfish and self centered, she doesn't talk to us - she was here for three weeks during Christmas and I think we had one actual conversation (which, of course, turned out to be a ploy and an effort to manipulate us to do something that she wanted.) She didn't start ANY conversation. One time she was sitting in the living room on facebook and we are all trying to talk to her. She kept putting her headphones in. So I grabbed my phone and sent her FB message that said "Hi" 5 minutes later she yelling about WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME A MESSAGE??? She tried to turn into "I meant to say when. Sometimes I don't get messages for days" And there were countless instances where she was rude to my sister and her kids. And to my parents. She never said thank you to my parents. They've spent about 7k$ to fix her mistakes. I don't think anything we can do will ever had any effect. She's 21 and has been like this since she was a young teenager. We all went through a lot of stuff growing up, and we try and account for that. (On the other hand we ALL went through the same crap)So all we can do is avoid interactions with her, but reach out. I know it sounds contradictory, but it's what we do. We just try to let her know that you know, if she wants a relationship with us, we'll be there when she does. But we don't do anything to try and force one. Forgive Well you have to do that, but, it's not going to make the hurt go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zabbazooey Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Short answer -- I have forgiven her numerous times. I found out two days ago that about a year ago, she slammed my dad on the floor and his head hit the bathroom tile. He has had multiple heart attacks, diabetes, etc. Ever since then, coupled with her selfishness, I find it difficult and exhausting to be there for here. She never goes out of her way for me, even though I do for her, I mean I'm just tired. She never asks how I am doing, nothing. Everything is all about her. On my birthday, I got a FB wall post "happy bday" from my sister. WE LIVE TOGETHER!!! RAWR!!! I'm just a very tenderhearted person, and maybe I expect "too much". Even when I try to help her it gets thrown in my face. I will forgive, I don't hold grudges, but I don't forget either. I've always made the effort. I really think maybe I should just not talk to her for a while when I move. I just wonder how someone could treat their family this way. I'm not perfect but dang...I'm not that bad either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Treat all you meet as if they were Christ. The only way forward is the way of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumn Dusk Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) Short answer -- I have forgiven her numerous times. I found out two days ago that about a year ago, she slammed my dad on the floor and his head hit the bathroom tile. He has had multiple heart attacks, diabetes, etc. Ever since then, coupled with her selfishness, I find it difficult and exhausting to be there for here. She never goes out of her way for me, even though I do for her, I mean I'm just tired. She never asks how I am doing, nothing. Everything is all about her. On my birthday, I got a FB wall post "happy bday" from my sister. WE LIVE TOGETHER!!! RAWR!!! I'm just a very tenderhearted person, and maybe I expect "too much". Even when I try to help her it gets thrown in my face. I will forgive, I don't hold grudges, but I don't forget either. I've always made the effort. I really think maybe I should just not talk to her for a while when I move. I just wonder how someone could treat their family this way. I'm not perfect but dang...I'm not that bad either! I think you need to take a deep breath. I have 3 brothers. For years my older brother was hell. I wasn't feeling well once and ate only half a can of raviolis. Despite the fact there were 4 other cans in the cupboard he went off on me. There was another time that he railed on me to tears and even made my mom cry because I set the table "properly" as I'd learned in a "dining success" class in college. I was 18ish and he was 20. He took no prisoners so to speak in torturing me verbally and trying to get me in trouble over the stupidest things. When he graduated college the age of horrible started to lift. He and I just had this moment I think when he was getting back together with his fiancee (now wife) that we were able to just talk and get along. Now, while we live far apart and don't talk often we're close and I'd trust him with anything. But he was an evil brat for many years. My younger brother went through evil brat phaze from 14-17 and my youngest brother is too much of a space case to be a brat. That and getting married can be stressful on sibilings. I know that finding my place in the family after each new SIL has been hard, espcally when one SIL get along so well with my mom. The one thing my youngest brother did very sorrowfully mention, during Bro #2's wedding was "our family won't fit in a mini van anymore". Which was kinda funny because we'd sold it years ago and we always have to take 2 cars. (and with schedules was necessary anyway) Point being...your sister is being normal, things should be better when she's 24 or so. Edited February 11, 2013 by Autumn Dusk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Short answer -- I have forgiven her numerous times. I found out two days ago that about a year ago, she slammed my dad on the floor and his head hit the bathroom tile. He has had multiple heart attacks, diabetes, etc. Ever since then, coupled with her selfishness, I find it difficult and exhausting to be there for here. She never goes out of her way for me, even though I do for her, I mean I'm just tired. She never asks how I am doing, nothing. Everything is all about her. On my birthday, I got a FB wall post "happy bday" from my sister. WE LIVE TOGETHER!!! RAWR!!! I'm just a very tenderhearted person, and maybe I expect "too much". Even when I try to help her it gets thrown in my face. I will forgive, I don't hold grudges, but I don't forget either. I've always made the effort. I really think maybe I should just not talk to her for a while when I move. I just wonder how someone could treat their family this way. I'm not perfect but dang...I'm not that bad either! For my birthday, my sister sent me a text message that basically said I was a terrible person and betraying her to my parents (when, in fact, I was a pawn in another manipulative plan). She never told me happy birthday. She didn't call 4 out of 6 of my siblings last year. One she did call has the same birthday and was an addendum to a phone call to tell HER happy Birthday. When someone pointed this out to her, she said "well I was busy" It happens. It sucks. Maybe next time she does something that hurts you can just ask St. Germaine Cousins, or St. Rita or Sts. Benedict and Scholastica(they were sibling saints, can't hurt, right?) for help real quick. Like "St. So and So, please for me to have the grace to respond with charity" or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
add Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 kiss and make up :stubborn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUivIfRgSao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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