Dealing With An Anti-catholic Friend.

[Spem in alium]

One of my old high school friends (who is Catholic) has recently begun to ridicule and criticise the Church a lot more than she used to. When we were in school she'd come out with the occasional statement like "The Catholic Church is corrupt". Now she's continuing that argument, saying the Church is misled and basically does nothing for anybody, that you can't be committed to Christ and be Catholic, etc. Her behaviour and language has made it impossible for me to tell her that I'm interested in religious life. It's hard for me to deal with, because she's always made me feel inferior and I really don't want her to ridicule something I care so deeply about. I can take insults or challenges, but that would hurt me greatly.

 

I know this is probably a trivial issue - but does anyone have any ideas as to how I can be a better defender of the faith next time she comes out with  statements like this? And would you have any suggestions as to how I could talk to her about my discernment?

 

Thanks in advance! Blessings!

 

 

Edited February 7, 2013 by Spem in alium

[Winchester]

"Church History" by Fr. John Laux. It's a good overview, and quite honest. If you get tired of reading it, it's also a very large book, so you could just hit your friend with it.

[PhuturePriest]

One of my old high school friends (who is Catholic) has recently begun to ridicule and criticise the Church a lot more than she used to. When we were in school she'd come out with the occasional statement like "The Catholic Church is corrupt". Now she's continuing that argument, saying the Church is misled and basically does nothing for anybody, that you can't be committed to Christ and be Catholic, etc. Her behaviour and language has made it impossible for me to tell her that I'm interested in religious life. It's hard for me to deal with, because she's always made me feel inferior and I really don't want her to ridicule something I care so deeply about. I can take insults or challenges, but that would hurt me greatly.

 

I know this is probably a trivial issue - but does anyone have any ideas as to how I can be a better defender of the faith next time she comes out with  statements like this? And would you have any suggestions as to how I could talk to her about my discernment?

 

Thanks in advance! Blessings!

 

I'm sorry to hear this about your friend. I will pray for her.

 

However, I'm even more concerned for you. You say she makes you feel inferior. This does not sound like a healthy friendship. Have you expressed that her statements make you feel this way? If you have and she keeps saying them, then she isn't worried about your welfare and she's not being a very good friend. You must be a witness to the faith and help as many people as you can, but you also must think about yourself as well. If I was friends with a person that made me feel inferior, I wouldn't stay friends with them, and I say that having no friends in my town (I have plenty of friends, they are just all off in college). I'm not saying you should break off the friendship, but it is something to consider. You could kind of treat it like a relationship and do a friendship test. Tell her about the religious life and your discernment (In a tactful and friendly way, of course). If she isn't very charitable and doesn't listen, that tells you all you need to know and you need to break off the friendship. You don't want friends like that. They're a negative influence and they can only harm you.

Edited February 7, 2013 by FuturePriest387

[Spem in alium]

"Church History" by Fr. John Laux. It's a good overview, and quite honest. If you get tired of reading it, it's also a very large book, so you could just hit your friend with it.

Thank you, I'll use it! 

 

I'm sorry to hear this about your friend. I will pray for her.

 

However, I'm even more concerned for you. You say she makes you feel inferior. This does not sound like a healthy friendship. Have you expressed that her statements make you feel this way? If you have and she keeps saying them, then she isn't worried about your welfare and she's not being a very good friend. You must be a witness to the faith and help as many people as you can, but you also must think about yourself as well. If I was friends with a person that made me feel inferior, I wouldn't stay friends with them, and I say that having no friends in my town (I have plenty of friends, they are just all off in college). I'm not saying you should break off the friendship, but it is something to consider. You could kind of treat it like a relationship and do a friendship test. Tell her about the religious life and your discernment (In a tactful and friendly way, of course). If she isn't very charitable and doesn't listen, that tells you all you need to know and you need to break off the friendship. You don't want friends like that. They're a negative influence and they can only harm you.

Thank you for praying for her.
Yeah, it's always been that way. Too much to get in to, really - she's just done and said a lot of stuff to blow me and my other friend off. Friends are so important to me, so it can hurt a bit. Talking to her about it has never really been an option because of how opinionated and arrogant she can be. She's by no means as close to me as she used to be, though I desperately wish I could trust her with this because I really want her to know and still have love for her.
That's a good idea about testing the relationship, though. Thanks! I might try it when I next see her.

[Luigi]

Let's see... 

 

1. She's always made you feel inferior...

2. She strongly opposes what you believe in most strongly... 

3. She will probably ridicule you for your life choice, or at least a very strong interest....

 

 

 

Are you sure she shouldn't be someone you used to know? 

[Spem in alium]

Let's see... 

 

1. She's always made you feel inferior...

2. She strongly opposes what you believe in most strongly... 

3. She will probably ridicule you for your life choice, or at least a very strong interest....

 

 

 

Are you sure she shouldn't be someone you used to know? 

You're right. I've had several people tell me the same thing. I tell myself the same thing, repeatedly. A strong part of me is telling me to distance myself from her (which isn't so difficult, because she distances herself from me anyway).She only ever contacts or shows interest in me when she wants something.

 

I know what's right and best to do, but actually doing it is so hard to imagine. I'm awful when it comes to confrontation, and I know I'll make a right mess of it and just end up making myself feel even more inferior at her hand.

[Nihil Obstat]

I had a friend, more of an acquaintance really, in junior high and high school, who was a highly anti-Catholic Protestant, and who went out of her way to try to put me on the spot or trap me with whatever subject happened to be on her mind. Every single time I had a conversation with her, I left feeling annoyed, and it just generally tended to ruin my day. Eventually I got sick of it, so I refused to talk to her anymore. It was a bit harsh I suppose, but it worked like a charm and I do not regret it for a second.

 

Sometimes you just need to cut people out of your life. I have done that on a few occasions, and every time I am glad I did. It is kind of a radical solution, and in the short term there tend to be hurt feelings, but if it gets to the point where such a step is necessary, then that is all there is to it.

 

At the end of the day, you are better off without a person like that in your life. And, if it turns out that they are truly a decent person at heart, then the shock of losing a friend in such a way might just inspire them to cut the crap and start treating people with respect. If that happens, then you have done a good deed and everyone is happy. If not, then the person is just not a nice person, and you made the right choice.

[Spem in alium]

I had a friend, more of an acquaintance really, in junior high and high school, who was a highly anti-Catholic Protestant, and who went out of her way to try to put me on the spot or trap me with whatever subject happened to be on her mind. Every single time I had a conversation with her, I left feeling annoyed, and it just generally tended to ruin my day. Eventually I got sick of it, so I refused to talk to her anymore. It was a bit harsh I suppose, but it worked like a charm and I do not regret it for a second.

 

Sometimes you just need to cut people out of your life. I have done that on a few occasions, and every time I am glad I did. It is kind of a radical solution, and in the short term there tend to be hurt feelings, but if it gets to the point where such a step is necessary, then that is all there is to it.

 

At the end of the day, you are better off without a person like that in your life. And, if it turns out that they are truly a decent person at heart, then the shock of losing a friend in such a way might just inspire them to cut the crap and start treating people with respect. If that happens, then you have done a good deed and everyone is happy. If not, then the person is just not a nice person, and you made the right choice.

You're right :) Thank you!

Thanks everyone. I have a much clearer idea of what I need to do.

[cmotherofpirl]

Often when people start committing mortal sins, they need to justify their choices by condemning whoever may possibly say they are wrong. People also do this  when someone who they perceive as a religious authority hurts them or disappoints them in some way. Just food for thought.

[FutureSister2009]

I don't know if it is best to stay with her as a friend if she makes you feel that way.

 

To be quite honest, I have a suitemate who is an atheist. She and I are incredibly close though. We have agreed to not force anything on each other and we go on with our own beliefs. She even said one night that she doesn't know how we're friends because we are the exact opposite but we get along fine. And there are people out there in this world like us who are always fighting and possibly killing each other. If our world was more like us, then that would solve half of our world problems.

[Spem in alium]

Often when people start committing mortal sins, they need to justify their choices by condemning whoever may possibly say they are wrong. People also do this  when someone who they perceive as a religious authority hurts them or disappoints them in some way. Just food for thought.

 

Hmm, that's very interesting. Never thought of it before! Now that I do, there is a potential link.

 

I don't know if it is best to stay with her as a friend if she makes you feel that way.

 

To be quite honest, I have a suitemate who is an atheist. She and I are incredibly close though. We have agreed to not force anything on each other and we go on with our own beliefs. She even said one night that she doesn't know how we're friends because we are the exact opposite but we get along fine. And there are people out there in this world like us who are always fighting and possibly killing each other. If our world was more like us, then that would solve half of our world problems.

I don't have a problem being friends with people who are not Catholic (or even Christian). I know and am close to atheists and agnostics, and one of my closest friends is a Muslim. We were able to overcome our differences and find the good in each other. I do wish more people could do that.