sixpence Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 My characteristic for my future wife is that she loves me. Every girl I've told about this says it's a wonderful idea and that they would love it if their husband did it for them, so I'm going to take their advice. * suddenly identity crisis * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iheartjp2 Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) It's a cool idea on paper, but in reality, I think it would only have the effect you would want if... 1) your future spouse is into that kind of thing. 2) your future spouse is the first person you ever start courting/dating/whatevs. Even if both those criteria are met, you would have to work very hard not to change yourself into what you may think is ideal only to become unhappy yourself and to be with someone who doesn't make you happy at all (not exactly the point of marriage, but in this age, that's pretty much how the world works). If you are writing to this nebulous idea of a person with no characteristics other than that she/he is your future spouse, it would follow that the only things you could write would really be about you, or rather, not even really about you but a projection of someone you want to be to your future spouse. I mean, people act differently around the people they admire (especially in a romantic way) anyway. What's to stop you from doing it in a letter? Instead of creating an ideal spouse, you may be changing yourself into something that you think is an ideal spouse while someone perfect for you may have fallen head-over-heels for you if you had just developed as a person more organically. Moreover, the person you put in your letter may not even be the person your future spouse grew to know for however long you've known each other. If I were to correspond with someone I don't even know, essentially doesn't even exist (what if I never get married?) for God knows how long, finally meet them, and then form a whole different relationship with them on top of that (you know, since this nebulous, hypothetical quasi person is now actually real and in my life), the letters and the real relationship might not even touch each other. With something like this, at the end of it all, the only real benefit is the thought. It's a very great thought, don't get me wrong, but it may not be the best way to go about it. Cute doesn't equal ideal. Edited February 7, 2013 by iheartjp2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted February 6, 2013 Author Share Posted February 6, 2013 * suddenly identity crisis * I'm aware you are a girl. But I never spoke to you about it, therefore you are not in the list of girls I have spoke to about it. You are the only girl not to find it romantic and sweet. I like those odds. The guys don't like it, but seeing as how I am not marrying a man, I don't think it's a problem if guys don't like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Dude, what the flip-floppity is your problem? What I write to my future wife is my beaver dam business. I want to do this for my wife. I feel like I should. I feel like she will appreciate it. I don't give a beaver dam if you do because, news flash: You're not my future wife. I don't care if you appreciate it or not. Take a deep breath, sweetie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Take a deep breath, sweetie. I don't see what the problem is. Why is he making it his problem if I do this? I asked for an opinion. He gave it. I disagreed. I don't see what the snide remarks were for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Miles. Breatheeeeeeeeee. This is the internet. This is Phatmass. There are lots of opinions and lots of feelings and sometimes folks are going to say stuff that irritates you. Let it slide. If this makes you happy and it's building you up, then do it. Keep praying about it. Revisit the issue now and then to make sure your heart is still in the right place. It'll be OK. Now be nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the171 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Emotions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Welp, I said what I want. :wave: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Miles. Breatheeeeeeeeee. This is the internet. This is Phatmass. There are lots of opinions and lots of feelings and sometimes folks are going to say stuff that irritates you. Let it slide. If this makes you happy and it's building you up, then do it. Keep praying about it. Revisit the issue now and then to make sure your heart is still in the right place. It'll be OK. Now be nice. I know. But usually when people disagree on this stuff they aren't being total jerk wads. I am praying about it, and I know my heart is in the right place. It's doing a lot of good for me, and I know it will pay off. After getting advice from a married woman, I've decided all of this talk of getting an unrealistic expectation of who my wife is is silly. She said her husband was a lot like me, and all of his friends would make fun of him over stuff like this, but now he's married and most of them are not, so she advised taking his lead. And as for being nice: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggyie Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Dude, what the flip-floppity is your problem? What I write to my future wife is my beaver dam business. I want to do this for my wife. I feel like I should. I feel like she will appreciate it. I don't give a beaver dam if you do because, news flash: You're not my future wife. I don't care if you appreciate it or not. What throws me off is that you're referring to your wife like she's already your wife. What if you don't get married? That does happen sometimes you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 What throws me off is that you're referring to your wife like she's already your wife. What if you don't get married? That does happen sometimes you know. It's easier than saying "my future wife". And if I don't get married? Then the journal rots away. No big deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixpence Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I'm aware you are a girl. But I never spoke to you about it, therefore you are not in the list of girls I have spoke to about it. You are the only girl not to find it romantic and sweet. I like those odds. The guys don't like it, but seeing as how I am not marrying a man, I don't think it's a problem if guys don't like it. Make that two. I don't mind the idea of a journal or something written in very generic terms "I did this today so I can be a better person for my future wife if I should happen to get married", but specifically "to my future wife" is a little odd to me. I don't think I would have been super excited to receive that on my wedding night. Take my opinion and preferences with a grain of salt, though. Like Missy said, if this is working for you then keep on keeping on. Maybe you won't give them to whoever you end up marrying, if you end up marrying, but for now it's helping you spiritually so no real reason to stop, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Make that two. I don't mind the idea of a journal or something written in very generic terms "I did this today so I can be a better person for my future wife if I should happen to get married", but specifically "to my future wife" is a little odd to me. I don't think I would have been super excited to receive that on my wedding night. Take my opinion and preferences with a grain of salt, though. Like Missy said, if this is working for you then keep on keeping on. Maybe you won't give them to whoever you end up marrying, if you end up marrying, but for now it's helping you spiritually so no real reason to stop, right? It's okay if you particularly wouldn't have been excited. I can say with certainty that I am not going to marry you, so I can't see it ever being a problem. :P But I have a particular type in girls, and part of it is them being super girly and loving this sort of romantic stuff. I know a lot of girls that do, so I don't see why it's a big deal. I can't see myself not getting married (Unless I become a Priest or something). I'm just not suited for the single life. But yeah, it's helping me, so there's no real reason to stop. Maybe there are some letters I will cross out and not show her, maybe I'll end up with an entire journal and say "Hey, congratulations on marrying me, read up!" :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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