Writing Love Letters To Your Future Spouse

[PhuturePriest]

Has anyone else done this? I started yesterday and have written two letters so far, and I love it. I honestly can't get enough of it. The idea is that you write these letters, and on your wedding night you show them to your then wife/husband. I like it because it makes me feel close to my future spouse, and it makes me love her even more.

Edited February 6, 2013 by FuturePriest387

[Nihil Obstat]

Assuming one does not yet know their future spouse, I would be a bit leery. Seems like it might have the potential to reinforce the mistake of creating an 'ideal; person in your head, that you think your future spouse would be like. That leads to an unrealistic person that no real person could ever measure up to. Maladjusted people end up being angry at the real people for not measuring up to the person that exists only in their head.

That is just my take though.

[Nihil Obstat]

Double. Forum software is going crazy again.

Edited February 6, 2013 by Nihil Obstat

[PhuturePriest]

Assuming one does not yet know their future spouse, I would be a bit leery. Seems like it might have the potential to reinforce the mistake of creating an 'ideal; person in your head, that you think your future spouse would be like. That leads to an unrealistic person that no real person could ever measure up to. Maladjusted people end up being angry at the real people for not measuring up to the person that exists only in their head.

That is just my take though.

 

You don't set up characteristics for your future spouse at all. That would be ridiculous. You can write whatever you want, but generally what people do is they write to their future spouse whenever they have a temptation. "It was really hard to stay pure today, but I did out of love for you." That sort of thing.

[GeorgiiMichael]

I think I agree with Nihil on this one. Although the idea of reading letters that you've written to your spouse on your wedding night does sound alluring. I think a safer option is to write letters after significant events in your relationship. Write a letter after a first date, after the first time you say "I love you", etc. Then read those to your future spouse on your wedding night. This also allows for a more permanent closure if you break up with that person, because you can just burn the letters if you know you'll never be with them again.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[PhuturePriest]

I think I agree with Nihil on this one. Although the idea of reading letters that you've written to your spouse on your wedding night does sound alluring. I think a safer option is to write letters after significant events in your relationship. Write a letter after a first date, after the first time you say "I love you", etc. Then read those to your future spouse on your wedding night. This also allows for a more permanent closure if you break up with that person, because you can just burn the letters if you know you'll never be with them again.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Again, read the post above yours.

[sixpence]

it sounds ok if it helps you, but i would be a little weirded out if i was given letters written to "me" before a guy knew me lol

but yeh just keep in mind what they said too

[GeorgiiMichael]

Again, read the post above yours.

 

I read it. I disagree with the point you made. As someone who has been in the dating game longer than you, FP, trust me on this one, you are going to have a hard time not falling into what Nihil describes. And in the sake of avoiding the near occasion of sin...

[Nihil Obstat]

It is the "to" aspect that makes me think along these lines. If you are writing to someone, you need a someone to whom to write. So on some level you are at least imagining a person. To do this well one needs to make sure that this person completely lacks characteristics, basically, or else they could start falling into the idealization trap. But most people, when writing to an indistinct person, are naturally going to project some characteristics.

I just think on some level it is a bit inevitable.

 

If I were wanting to do something like this, I would rather pray for my future spouse rather than write to them.

[Winchester]

I think it's smarmy.

[PhuturePriest]

I read it. I disagree with the point you made. As someone who has been in the dating game longer than you, FP, trust me on this one, you are going to have a hard time not falling into what Nihil describes. And in the sake of avoiding the near occasion of sin...

 

My characteristic for my future wife is that she loves me. Every girl I've told about this says it's a wonderful idea and that they would love it if their husband did it for them, so I'm going to take their advice.

 

And I'm not sure what you mean by that. When I think of my future wife, any "temptations" I may have had are gone. If I love my future wife, I won't give into temptations. I do school more efficiently because I remember her, and I also remember to work on being a better person because of her.

 

It is the "to" aspect that makes me think along these lines. If you are writing to someone, you need a someone to whom to write. So on some level you are at least imagining a person. To do this well one needs to make sure that this person completely lacks characteristics, basically, or else they could start falling into the idealization trap. But most people, when writing to an indistinct person, are naturally going to project some characteristics.

I just think on some level it is a bit inevitable.

 

If I were wanting to do something like this, I would rather pray for my future spouse rather than write to them.

 

I have prayed for her every day for a very long time. I see no harm in writing letters that she will one day read. It's like when parents do those stupid videos on their child's first birthday. They're not making a characteristic, they're just making a video that their child can one day watch to let the child know they love and care for him.

[PhuturePriest]

I think I agree with Nihil on this one. Although the idea of reading letters that you've written to your spouse on your wedding night does sound alluring. I think a safer option is to write letters after significant events in your relationship. Write a letter after a first date, after the first time you say "I love you", etc. Then read those to your future spouse on your wedding night. This also allows for a more permanent closure if you break up with that person, because you can just burn the letters if you know you'll never be with them again.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

 

It is the "to" aspect that makes me think along these lines. If you are writing to someone, you need a someone to whom to write. So on some level you are at least imagining a person. To do this well one needs to make sure that this person completely lacks characteristics, basically, or else they could start falling into the idealization trap. But most people, when writing to an indistinct person, are naturally going to project some characteristics.

I just think on some level it is a bit inevitable.

 

If I were wanting to do something like this, I would rather pray for my future spouse rather than write to them.

 

Watch the video:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW8nDjVGL3E

[Winchester]

Jason Evert will be so whipped, it won't even be funny.

[GeorgiiMichael]

Oh, it worked for one person, then you must do it. My apologies. How can you ever forgive me? Mea culpa, mea culpa!

 

/sarcasm

[PhuturePriest]

Oh, it worked for one person, then you must do it. My apologies. How can you ever forgive me? Mea culpa, mea culpa!

 

/sarcasm

 

Dude, what the flip-floppity is your problem? What I write to my future wife is my beaver dam business. I want to do this for my wife. I feel like I should. I feel like she will appreciate it. I don't give a beaver dam if you do because, news flash: You're not my future wife. I don't care if you appreciate it or not.