Did I Make The Right Choice?

[Annie12]

I stopped perusing the guy I liked as soon as I realized that my true vocation is to religious life. But now I am worried he thinks I am snubbing him. I didn't think we were close in the first place. So, now I feel bad and I'm not sure whether I am to blame or not.

[maximillion]

Seems like we all agree..................

[somethingfishy]

These are things you'll have to decide for yourself -- those of us here aren't sufficiently familiar with the people or situation to make an appropriate judgement. Whatever happened, it isn't the end of the world and things will work themselves out. Remember that the vow of obedience won't remove from you the burden of having to make decisions and live with the consequences.

[HisAlone]

God asks for an undivided heart. He loves you and wants you for His own.

[carmenchristi]

As others have said, it's something you have to decide for yourself. I personally think that a guy should never feel snubbed if a girl does not pursue him. I'm not really old fashioned, but I believe that it is part of nature that the man should do the major part of the pursuing.

Also.... I don't want to sound like a broken record, or like I'm trying to discourage anyone. I'm happy for you and thankful to God that he has let you hear him calling you clearly. However we never know our true vocation until we have fully entered into it.

I, for example have had a powerful experience of being called to marriage. It was a crazy "God moment", that has developed into a solid "understanding" but through my experience in life, I know that I can only say "I feel that God is calling me to married life" and do everything I can to be open to the development of that call.

If I found myself in your position again (because as you know, I've been there) I would certainly be grateful to God for having set me solidly on the path of discernment, but I would live my calling at the phase it is truly at: discernment. If I entered a community I would not be a novice with my head already as a professed sister, I would not live temporary vows as if nothing could shake me. In short, I wouldn't make it a sealed deal until the Church sealed it with me.

Learning to discern is the most important thing we can learn in life, and the hints that we receive are markers on the way. So, if you feel called, you do well to stop searching out romantic relationships, but don't stop discerning your call simply because you have some clarity about it.

Btw I always hated hearing this sort of thing.... Until I realized the truth in it.... And then I realized how much more romantic he adventure is when His call brought me on a journey beyond my wildest dreams ( yeah corny phrase but that's the concept... Ill shut up now) prayers for you... Glad you're back!

[savvy]

 

Annie,

 

I have been through a stage of being back and forth between trying to figure out if I was called to marriage or religious life. I had trouble making up my mind.  Deep down I knew I was not being called to marriage. I did not want to accept it, so I kept pursing guys like you.  

 

The more time I spent in prayer, the more the call to religious life grew. I would think about both options when I went to sleep at night and the one that would bring me the most peace was whenever, I would tell Jesus, "okay I will be your bride."

 

You need to spent time in prayer, because that's when God will let you know what you should do, and what brings you more peace and what would you not want to regret not have done a few years down the line.

 

Prayer is the first step, when one is confused.

 

 

 

 

[ChristinaTherese]

I started entirely avoiding one guy just because it seemed like he was just far too attracted to me about a year ago. I wouldn't recommend my method automatically though, because I really wanted to have a conversation with him about things. We almost did, but then his sister came back to the table, and we didn't. But it wasn't the end of the world that I cut off contact with him. In fact, I think it would have been pretty hard to continue having a close friendship after that. Now, a year later, I'm okay with being around him when he's with other friends of ours. So, basically, I don't know your situation so I can't really give advice, but this is my (possibly unwise, but advised by my brother) experience. It wasn't the end of the world, and if you feel like it would be bad for you to be around him I don't think staying away is a bad idea at all.

 

Also, pursuing someone while you think you're called elsewhere sounds like a really bad idea. What I said above refers more to just maintaining a friendship.

 

(And I'm not necessarily writing coherently now.... I don't know, I just looked at the computer screen and my brain didn't feel quite like normal. That is, it just feels a little tired right now. So if this doesn't make sense, I'm probably tired or something.)

[PhuturePriest]

As others have said, it depends. It seems as if you think he wasn't interested in you and that you were not close, so it probably won't hurt his feelings too much. If you think being around him would have had consequences for your discernment, then this was a good idea. But discerning again does not necessarily mean you must stop being friends with him. I know of people that dated and then broke up because one of them felt called to the Priesthood or religious life, and they are closer now than ever. Just because you are called somewhere else it does not mean you may not continue to be friends. But again, it depends on the circumstances.

[OnlySunshine]

I used to have a big crush on this one guy I know from my Catholic Young Adult group.  Everytime I would see him, I'd start feeling the same way all over again and I'd question whether or not I should discern marriage.  I came very close to asking him out a couple times but I know it wouldn't have worked out.  He got married last year and will be celebrating his first year anniversary on Feb. 11th.  He also had a baby girl with his wife in November.  I remember praying, before he dated his wife, that if God wanted me to discern marriage, that it would happen the way He wanted it to.  Since it never did, and I haven't felt called to marriage since, I do not believe I am called to married life.  I think I was blinded by this young man when God was calling me all to Himself.  It's weird but even though I haven't been avoiding him, I haven't seen him since he got married.  I didn't attend his wedding because I didn't feel comfortable (plus, my car was acting up) but I sent him a wedding card and a CONGRATULATIONS when his wife told me she was pregnant.  :)

[Spem in alium]

Dear Annie, my advice would be for you to pray. Prayer is really the greatest tool we possess at times such as these.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

I don't think an internet poll can tell you if you made the right choice. It's between you and God and no one else.