Friend Living With Boyfriend..

[MarysLittleFlower]

My friend is living with her boyfriend and I'm not sure how to say anything.. I don't want to make it seem like it's something I agree with. This is a close friend and she is a non practising Catholic. She invited me to her place but would it give the wrong impression? I want to stay friends but be a good example and not compromise my faith. I also hope for God to work through me somehow to help her return to the faith. Does anyone have any thoughts? Thanks!

[Basilisa Marie]

Well, sometimes it's not inherently sinful to live together before marriage - the problem is premarital sex and temptation to engage in it.  Granted, nearly everyone who lives together before marriage is having sex, so...

I'd say that it's fine to go over to her place to visit, and to be nice to her boyfriend.  Does your friend know that you're a practicing Catholic? And that you think premarital sex is wrong?  As long as she knows that about you, I think the best thing for you to do is to pray for her and to keep being her friend.  

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the reply. My friend knows that I'm practicing Catholic and I've spoken to her about future plans with her boyfriend - we have been good friends for many years so it didn't seem awkward. But I didnt get around to saying how I feel about cohabitation. I am not sure how to say it.. if anyone has any ideas..? I do feel kind of worried about the idea of visiting, maybe I could somehow make my position clearer.. Im not sure how.

[Papist]

I don't think you will be giving your approval by visiting your friend.  If you two are close as you say, I would tell her, while you are visiting, that you are a little uncomfortable being there. When she asks why, there's your opening to say how you feel.

[Gabriela]

my friends take it in the bum from other dudes. they know im a pious Catholic. i know theyre gay. our policy: keep your opinions to yourself.

 

if your friend knows youre a pious Catholic, then she already knows what you think. you wont get anywhere new by telling her. and you certainly wont be in a position to help her if you do or say something she feels is judgmental and consequently ends your friendship.

 

love her, pray for her, accept her as she is, be there for her—and MYOB. if youre anything like me, youve got enough of your own sins to worry about!

[Nihil Obstat]

my friends take it in the bum from other dudes. they know im a pious Catholic. i know theyre gay. our policy: keep your opinions to yourself.

Well that certainly did not beat around the bush. :blink:

[Gabriela]

Well that certainly did not beat around the bush. :blink:

 

Yeah. That's not my style. ;-)

 

(Hope I didn't offend anyone. It's not like we don't all know it happens.)

[Lilllabettt]

I don't think you have to say anything negative. Most people are well aware that pious Catholics frown on premarital sex. It has probably occurred to her that you disapprove. So go over, be positive, mention something you are doing with your parish or randomly make the sign of the cross before eating your bagel ... somehow bring your (and her) surroundings into the presence of God.

 

 

[Gabriela]

I don't think you have to say anything negative. Most people are well aware that pious Catholics frown on premarital sex. It has probably occurred to her that you disapprove. So go over, be positive, mention something you are doing with your parish or randomly make the sign of the cross before eating your bagel ... somehow bring your (and her) surroundings into the presence of God.

 

I agree with that. It's the approach I take. My closest friend who's gay waits silently while I say grace before meals, talks about my discernment with me, and recently he's expressed enthusiasm about going to a monastery with me. Just be who you are, and let God do the rest. :-)

[Sister Marie]

I used to feel that obligation to make sure that everyone knew where I stood - right v. wrong.

 

When I asked myself what my goal was in ministry to God's people though I realized that the answer was that "They would know and love him" not that "They would memorize the right answers to every life situation."

 

I don't see preaching Church truth through blanket statements to be an effective way of doing that - not because I don't believe in the morals of the Church but because I believe in trying to help people grow closer to Christ.

 

A relationship, an experience, is what changes someone - not a doctrinal statement (although they are correct and necessary in other situations.)  Be Jesus to your friend.  I don't know what that will look like for your relationship with your friend; because each of you is different, your relationship is different.  Ask yourself though "What does my friend need in order to encounter Christ?"  Then, try to allow that experience to enter her life through you.  A relationship with Him is a much more changing experiences than a factual statement of belief. 

 

Just an opinion!  Prayers!

 

Edited for spelling.

Edited February 3, 2013 by Sister Marie

[CatherineM]

I lived my entire childhood in the home of two people living in sin, my parents. Still loved and respected them.

[ContemporaryCaflicCrusader]

All my friends are living with there girlfriend now, just live by example and they'll know where you stand.  It's really tough especially when you know the person has had a moving experience with the Eucharist to give into the satanic counterfeits, but love them.  My thing with my friend (Philip one of my many, "used to be Catholic friends" I didn't chase away unlike TJ) I will treat him as a practicing Catholic when he is ready to go back there.  I am planting seeds and living by example for now because if I get all into the religious logic like I did with TJ I lose him.  Everything I said to TJ was right and he should hear but...  I don't know I guess he wasn't ready yet.  When Philip wants to go there I will have to be careful not to be giddy with joy about it, assuming he does, but Philip is going through a lot with his parents just divorced and it could be decades from now or even never.  I'll just be an example for him now and out sprint him in dodgeball. 

[homeschoolmom]

my friends take it in the bum from other dudes.

Seriously??? Was it really necessary to be so graphic?

[Anomaly]

My friend is living with her boyfriend and I'm not sure how to say anything.. I don't want to make it seem like it's something I agree with. This is a close friend and she is a non practising Catholic. She invited me to her place but would it give the wrong impression? I want to stay friends but be a good example and not compromise my faith. I also hope for God to work through me somehow to help her return to the faith. Does anyone have any thoughts? Thanks!

 

Hopefully there is more than 1 reason why you don't think they should be living and sleeping together.  Even in Catholic Theological reasons, there are practical reasons.

- Maybe because you want them both to have the best chances of a life long relationship.

-Maybe because you want them to have a healthy relationshipe, mutually respective of each other as persons.

-Maybe because a temp living situation puts them into an intimate and personaly vulnerable relationshipe while lacking commitment that requires respect and forgiveness for the the human foils that are bound to come up.

[FutureSister2009]

There have been too many people doing it now that I'm at the point where it doesn't surprise me anymore. But I'm standing my ground and my Boyfriend lives in Heaven anyway.