Well, This Was Interesting... Any Help?

[PhuturePriest]

I went on MonkRock (Because I know the guys personally and see them every year at the Midwest Catholic Family Conference) and I found an awesome Crusader Cross Scapular. I and my family were formally enrolled in the brown scapular when I was very young, and I feel bad for not having one, so I'm going to get it. I knew my brother didn't have one, so I showed it to him and asked if he wanted one. Here is how this conversation ten minutes ago went down (His words are in bold):

 

"Would you like one?"

 

"What is it?"

 

"It's a brown scapular, but it's awesome because it has the Crusader Cross on it!"

 

"Why would I wear it?"

 

"Because you're supposed to. We were enrolled in it years ago."

 

*Starts yelling* "I didn't want to! Mom and dad made me!"

 

"And? You're still supposed to wear it."

 

"I'm not going to wear it!" *Slams door*

 

"...."

 

*Comes back* "I'll wear it! But I'm not going to wear it twenty four-freakin'-seven!" *Slams door and stomps in a crazy rage*

 

I don't understand what quite happened. I didn't say anything in what could be interpreted as a condescending way (I made sure of that), and all I did was ask if he wanted one and he started yelling. Any thoughts?

 

And just because I love the guys at MonkRock, here is the scapular and a link to their website:

 

http://www.monkrock.com/index.cfm?load=page&page=36&group=13

 

[carmenchristi]

Uh.. how old is your brother?

[IcePrincessKRS]

I think maybe instead of telling him things like "You're supposed to" (because you already know that this can be a sensitive area) you could say something like "We were enrolled in it and I think it's spiritually beneficial... plus it's the coolest scapular I've seen." Don't make it so much of a "you're not doing what you're supposed to" thing as a "this could be really helpful if you want to do it" thing. Because, yes, the scapular is a great devotion, but there is no doctrine or anything that I'm aware of stating that we HAVE to wear one. Obviously I don't know your brother and I could be totally wrong on this, but I think he's the sort of person that maybe more subtle suggestions would work better when you're talking to him about religion. Plant the seed, don't clobber with the hammer.

[PhuturePriest]

I think maybe instead of telling him things like "You're supposed to" (because you already know that this can be a sensitive area) you could say something like "We were enrolled in it and I think it's spiritually beneficial... plus it's the coolest scapular I've seen." Don't make it so much of a "you're not doing what you're supposed to" thing as a "this could be really helpful if you want to do it" thing. Because, yes, the scapular is a great devotion, but there is no doctrine or anything that I'm aware of stating that we HAVE to wear one. Obviously I don't know your brother and I could be totally wrong on this, but I think he's the sort of person that maybe more subtle suggestions would work better when you're talking to him about religion. Plant the seed, don't clobber with the hammer.

 

Thanks! I'll try this! I think his responses could be slightly better (I don't see how going into a rage over it is in any way sane), but I'll try. He doesn't have to, but since we were enrolled we are technically supposed to wear it. We're also supposed to say the Rosary daily because of that as well, but I think I should work on just wearing it first.

[Nihil Obstat]

That is a nice one. I will have to be replacing mine soon, so I should save that link.

[PhuturePriest]

That is a nice one. I will have to be replacing mine soon, so I should save that link.

 

I like the explanation for it in particular:

 

The Crusader Brown Scapular, in
particular serves as a constant reminder of the Cross of the Crusaders
that all Christians - the "Church Militant" - are called to bear and the
spiritual armor they are to wear in their fight against the Enemy (the
flesh, the world and the devil) for the salvation of souls

[sixpence]

little brothers....so annoying

[PhuturePriest]

little brothers....so annoying

 

Actually, he's older than I am. I'm the youngest of all the children.

[sixpence]

Actually, he's older than I am. I'm the youngest of all the children.

 

was not referring to him....... :smile3:

[MissyP89]

I feel like you could have been a little gentler with him, esp. given that you've said your brother isn't as religious as the rest of you. "Because you should/are supposed to," is never a good response to any question.

 

I'd give him a few days to cool off. If I were your brother and not very open to faith, having it brought up constantly would irritate me. 

[PhuturePriest]

was not referring to him....... :smile3:

 

I figured so. :P

I feel like you could have been a little gentler with him, esp. given that you've said your brother isn't as religious as the rest of you. "Because you should/are supposed to," is never a good response to any question.

 

I'd give him a few days to cool off. If I were your brother and not very open to faith, having it brought up constantly would irritate me. 

 

Probably, but I wasn't planning on that reaction. Usually he just says something like "Okay, whatever." and goes on. This time he got angry and wanted to know why he had to get it. I would have planned something different had I known wearing a Scapular was going to be like asking him to light himself on fire and then try to douse it with gasoline.

 

But I don't bring it up constantly. This is the first religious thing I have mentioned in months.

[IcePrincessKRS]

Thanks! I'll try this! I think his responses could be slightly better (I don't see how going into a rage over it is in any way sane), but I'll try. He doesn't have to, but since we were enrolled we are technically supposed to wear it. We're also supposed to say the Rosary daily because of that as well, but I think I should work on just wearing it first.

 

Obviously his response could be better, but you also have to think about your approach. You might need to change tactics to get the response you would prefer, or at the very least a less volatile reaction. "Hey, I think this is really cool. What do you think? I think I am going to get one, would you like one, too?" If he says no then, "Ok, well let me know if you change your mind." Smile, shrug, leave it at that. You put the offer out there, encouraged the devotion without making him feel like he's doing something wrong.

 

I was enrolled in the brown scapular as a kid. I'm not the best at following those rules. And to be fair, (speaking from my own experience) having been enrolled as a kid chances are he didn't really know what all that entailed any more than I did, it was just something he was reluctantly going along with because your parents wanted him to. I didn't do it reluctantly, but I had no idea what it was about. I didn't find out until I was an adult. 

[PhuturePriest]

Obviously his response could be better, but you also have to think about your approach. You might need to change tactics to get the response you would prefer, or at the very least a less volatile reaction. "Hey, I think this is really cool. What do you think? I think I am going to get one, would you like one, too?" If he says no then, "Ok, well let me know if you change your mind." Smile, shrug, leave it at that. You put the offer out there, encouraged the devotion without making him feel like he's doing something wrong.

 

I was enrolled in the brown scapular as a kid. I'm not the best at following those rules. And to be fair, (speaking from my own experience) having been enrolled as a kid chances are he didn't really know what all that entailed any more than I did, it was just something he was reluctantly going along with because your parents wanted him to. I didn't do it reluctantly, but I had no idea what it was about. I didn't find out until I was an adult. 

 

I'll try that! I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that I'm not comfortable around my family (Except for my sister, of course), so when I speak to them it can kind of be awkward and things don't come out the way I intend them to.

 

And yeah, I had no clue what it meant either (I was about five when we did it), but I'm a person where if you tell me to do something (Like pray the Rosary every day and wear the Scapular) I will do it. I will want to know why because I'm not a doormat, but I won't refuse if you don't give an explanation right away. He's definitely not one of those people. If I ask him to drive me to the store I have to explain why and what's in it for him. He won't be content just going "Okay" and drive me there.

[IcePrincessKRS]

I'll try that! I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that I'm not comfortable around my family (Except for my sister, of course), so when I speak to them it can kind of be awkward and things don't come out the way I intend them to.

 

And yeah, I had no clue what it meant either (I was about five when we did it), but I'm a person where if you tell me to do something (Like pray the Rosary every day and wear the Scapular) I will do it. I will want to know why because I'm not a doormat, but I won't refuse if you don't give an explanation right away. He's definitely not one of those people. If I ask him to drive me to the store I have to explain why and what's in it for him. He won't be content just going "Okay" and drive me there.

 

It can be hard when you aren't that comfortable with people. Sometimes there are touchy subjects with my siblings that I really tiptoe around and try hard to get my message across without sounding like an uppity witch. I am close with all of them, but some don't exactly operate on the same moral ground as me so it can be hard to phrase things in a way that they might be receptive to. And sometimes I just try to lead by example and don't bother saying anything because I know it won't make a difference at that point in time.

 

I was definitely more like you as a kid. My mom said "do it" and I did. lol

[PhuturePriest]

It can be hard when you aren't that comfortable with people. Sometimes there are touchy subjects with my siblings that I really tiptoe around and try hard to get my message across without sounding like an uppity witch. I am close with all of them, but some don't exactly operate on the same moral ground as me so it can be hard to phrase things in a way that they might be receptive to. And sometimes I just try to lead by example and don't bother saying anything because I know it won't make a difference at that point in time.

 

I was definitely more like you as a kid. My mom said "do it" and I did. lol

 

Yeah, it definitely is. I've been trying to figure out when it is best to say something or lead by example, and if I should say something how I should say it. It's definitely not too easy, especially since my brother has always had anger issues that have formed into major anger issues now that he is nineteen.

 

Haha. Yeah, I'm kind of easy to boss around. :P