Role Of Emptiness In Discernment (or The Spiritual Life)

[A Yearning Heart]

Hi All,

 

I've been thinking about what the experience of a profound sense of emptiness is like for others-either in discernment or the spiritual life generally, and was wondering what people's thoughts or experiences are of this.   

 

The reason I ask is that I've discerned a few places over a long period then stopped discerning either from being turned down from one place or from being unable to say yes and accept an offer at another-so it seemed not to be a real vocation. Then late last year I experienced a profound sense of emptiness at a retreat run by the religious I originally was attracted to (and am still inclined towards)-but who also originally said no.

 

Anyway, I have since found an SD (finally, dropped out of the sky), and after a really blessed long retreat at their place that was just amazing, it seems to both of us that He has been working all along and that I've a religious vocation, but that we both think isn't related to the first places I've been too, and also with the warning that it can still be lost. I know, confusing: have one, don't know where still, can still be lost.  It seems a case of 'He gives and takes away' to learn detachment, a call to live in the present moment and rely totally on Him.  

 

Now, I am in a place again where speaking about these first religious with a friend has touched apon this 'empty' feeling/experience again and as I see my SD infrequently, I'd be grateful to hear what others have experienced with this: if other's have had this sense of emptiness, does it teach you anything, what it does in your life, how God uses it, etc.

 

God bless.

YH

Edited January 28, 2013 by A Yearning Heart

[Pax_et bonum]

I'm not sure what you mean by "emptiness." That has a negative connotation for me, but I don't know if it does for you. Do you mean like a longing or yearning? It may just be a matter of semantics, but I feel more of the longing/yearning than emptiness. The sisters I'm applying to are cloistered so they obviously weren't at the March this weekend, but their brother and (active) sister communities were. I got to spend a little time with them and experienced a very profound longing to belong to their family. I really do think that this is where God is calling me, but I had a similar longing for another community when I was in high school. I know the sisters in the community so well and love them so much, and because I love the sisters, I thought I might belong there. The difference between the two longings is the deep sense of peace I feel with the sisters I'm applying to even in the midst of not so peaceful things. When I was discerning with the other community, there was a restlessness of my heart; I didn't have the same peace.

[A Yearning Heart]

I've experienced longing and desire before. This particular occassion could be the same thing but to a much more intense degree than before and it wasn't a feeling either as was having fun, chatting etc and stayed for hours. Desire is for something not yet, so in a sense it reflects an emptiness? 

 

The thing that came to mind at the time was what St Mary Magdalene experienced in those moments of seeing the empty tomb, with Jesus gone, and then not being able to find Him.

Edited January 28, 2013 by A Yearning Heart

[BarbTherese]

My focus is always nowadays on what The Church teaches and our theology - my personal feelings or state cannot change these absolute realities.  They exist fully and totally independant of anything I might be feeling.   Negative feelings or states may change how I relate to these realities in that negative feelings or a negative state will make me less enthusiastic or motivated possibly and our theology tells us that to persevere through a less or non enthusiastic personal or subjective state is of great merit and probably moreso than when we have positive feelings and reactions when the sailing is smooth and 'charged' or powered by one's personal and subjective state of being.   There can be a very deep and real Peace of the spirit in persevering through quite negative and subjective states of being.  These negative subjective states do take the focus off self and on to The Lord in the act of pereverance - they ask a shift of emphasis and reliance on personal satisfactions on to the theological virtue of Faith and indeed Hope and Love.  Love as in the will not in feeling states and Love resides in a superior manner in the will.

"Agape is an act of the will, not the feelings. That is why we are responsible for it, and commanded to do it, to choose it. We are not responsible for our feelings." http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=9375 (this link from Catholic Culture is an excellent explanation "What Is Love")

 

There is of course that 'nameless longing' for something that one just cannot pinpoint and this to me is that longing of St Augustine "our hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in Thee" and the fulfillment of that is only in Heaven for the most of us I suspect.  I suspect that in some states of prayer one can experience a fulfillment of that longing although temporary to varying degrees - not a complete fulfillment in the long term during life on earth.

 

Where discernment is concerned - meaning discernment of vocation in life, my very much preferred path has always been to rely on spiritual direction all the way.  I never make major decisions during a negative state of some kind, but then I can be equally distrustful of elevated feelings and inspirations.  If I cannot see my spiritual director, then I confidently 'mark time' until I can.

Edited January 28, 2013 by BarbaraTherese

[A Yearning Heart]

Perseverance is key in living the faith :) Though, I had not meant to suggest this post is to find a reason for my own experiences-that will wait for a time with my SD. I meant to ask if any of you had experienced anything similar, so gave background for context, and what (if anything) God had done with it in other's lives as He can use all things for good. For instance, I have sometimes noticed a particular emptiness inside and then realised the need to go to confession, other times it is linked with longing to be His, etc. Sometimes, I've heard it has lead to people changing careers, moving, changing direction in their lives.

[Gabriela]

I know what you mean by 'emptiness'. I suggest reading Merton's Contemplative Prayer. I don't think that this feeling of emptiness is negative. I mean, it hurts, and it's bewildering. But it is also from God, and is one way He teaches us to rely solely on Him. I don't know enough to say for sure—anyway, ultimately only you and God can know—but if you were "pushing" on the vocation front, attempting to "figure out for yourself" where He is calling you, then He may have "disappeared" for a while to teach you that you cannot rely on your own power to figure this out. You must rely on Him. Once He's "gone", we notice, and we begin to refocus on Him rather than on ourselves, our search, our efforts. Once we are refocused on Him, rather than on ourselves and our own efforts, He can lead us again. "Disappearing"—i.e., "the emptiness"—is His way of saying, "Hey, if you think you can handle this on your own, be my guest." At which point we very soon realize that we cannot.

 

Is that possible in this case?

Perseverance is key in living the faith :) Though, I had not meant to suggest this post is to find a reason for my own experiences-that will wait for a time with my SD. I meant to ask if any of you had experienced anything similar, so gave background for context, and what (if anything) God had done with it in other's lives as He can use all things for good. For instance, I have sometimes noticed a particular emptiness inside and then realised the need to go to confession, other times it is linked with longing to be His, etc. Sometimes, I've heard it has lead to people changing careers, moving, changing direction in their lives.

 

Aha. I just read this one. Sorry.

 

Yes, I've experienced this. At many points in my life. Usually, it's something I notice only after a time of being caught up in a frenzy of worldly activity that leaves me no time for prayer. Suddenly, I realize God is "gone". If I respond to this, and start talking to Him again, He quickly "returns".

 

What you describe in your last sentence reminds me of Ignatius' Rules for the Discernment of Spirits. I recommend reading Fr. Gallagher on this subject. His book is relatively inexpensive, easy to read, and not terribly long.

[A Yearning Heart]

I know what you mean by 'emptiness'. I suggest reading Merton's Contemplative Prayer. I don't think that this feeling of emptiness is negative. I mean, it hurts, and it's bewildering. But it is also from God, and is one way He teaches us to rely solely on Him. I don't know enough to say for sure—anyway, ultimately only you and God can know—but if you were "pushing" on the vocation front, attempting to "figure out for yourself" where He is calling you, then He may have "disappeared" for a while to teach you that you cannot rely on your own power to figure this out. You must rely on Him. Once He's "gone", we notice, and we begin to refocus on Him rather than on ourselves, our search, our efforts. Once we are refocused on Him, rather than on ourselves and our own efforts, He can lead us again. "Disappearing"—i.e., "the emptiness"—is His way of saying, "Hey, if you think you can handle this on your own, be my guest." At which point we very soon realize that we cannot.

 

Is that possible in this case?

 

Aha. I just read this one. Sorry.

 

Yes, I've experienced this. At many points in my life. Usually, it's something I notice only after a time of being caught up in a frenzy of worldly activity that leaves me no time for prayer. Suddenly, I realize God is "gone". If I respond to this, and start talking to Him again, He quickly "returns".

 

What you describe in your last sentence reminds me of Ignatius' Rules for the Discernment of Spirits. I recommend reading Fr. Gallagher on this subject. His book is relatively inexpensive, easy to read, and not terribly long.

 

Sorry again, I think I've got mixed motives-asking for interests sake, yes, but you're right-trying to be a little 'in control' of things and understand things more than I do. It is a weakness of mine to try to do it all myself, and most of the last several years has indeed had a similar lesson/theme: let go, wait, and let God.

 

But it is reassuring that it's experienced by others too :)

 

I haven't read Mertons book, but will go look it up and see if I can find it at the library. I've read Fr Gallagher's book a while ago-it was very helpful and I highly recommend it too.

[BarbTherese]

I know what you mean by 'emptiness'. I suggest reading Merton's Contemplative Prayer. I don't think that this feeling of emptiness is negative. I mean, it hurts, and it's bewildering. But it is also from God, and is one way He teaches us to rely solely on Him. I don't know enough to say for sure—anyway, ultimately only you and God can know—but if you were "pushing" on the vocation front, attempting to "figure out for yourself" where He is calling you, then He may have "disappeared" for a while to teach you that you cannot rely on your own power to figure this out. You must rely on Him. Once He's "gone", we notice, and we begin to refocus on Him rather than on ourselves, our search, our efforts. Once we are refocused on Him, rather than on ourselves and our own efforts, He can lead us again. "Disappearing"—i.e., "the emptiness"—is His way of saying, "Hey, if you think you can handle this on your own, be my guest." At which point we very soon realize that we cannot.

 

Is that possible in this case?

 

Aha. I just read this one. Sorry.

 

Yes, I've experienced this. At many points in my life. Usually, it's something I notice only after a time of being caught up in a frenzy of worldly activity that leaves me no time for prayer. Suddenly, I realize God is "gone". If I respond to this, and start talking to Him again, He quickly "returns".

 

What you describe in your last sentence reminds me of Ignatius' Rules for the Discernment of Spirits. I recommend reading Fr. Gallagher on this subject. His book is relatively inexpensive, easy to read, and not terribly long.

 

"Contemplative Prayer" by Thomas Merton is an excellent work.

 

Negative feelings or states can have many reasons, some of them indicating that we are at fault somewhere and need to amend or change something, others indicating a need to persevere on the course despite the negative feelings.  I certainly have experienced both including an asking to persevere on my course despite negative feelings over an extended period.  There is a difference between negativity and that negativity that leaves one with an ardent longing for God and often confusion at the seeming absence. It is Faith that informs that God is indeed NOT absent, it only FEELS that way. I do think that it takes a spiritual director and probably a director that one sees regularly to discern causes or reasons.  With a new or relatively new director it may take longer and over an extended period to discern likewise.

 

We can be very confident that no matter our feeling state, The Lord is working in our very best interests leading us to holiness -and with absolute control over all matters. 

 

"Abandonment to Divine Providence" By de Caussade SJ is another excellent and classical spiritual text.  More and more recently, I am reading on various sites that this classical spiritual work is recommended.  CCEL have an online text here: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment   Happily, I fell over it quite a few years ago now. 

 

 For instance, I have sometimes noticed a particular emptiness inside and then realised the need to go to confession, other times it is linked with longing to be His, etc. Sometimes, I've heard it has lead to people changing careers, moving, changing direction in their lives.

 

Almost any reason can apply including any of the above and, again, I think it takes spiritual direction to be really confident about what is taking place and how one is to respond.  Certainly negative feelings and states are not necessarily at all spiritually negative meaning one is personally at fault somewhere.  Good and holy feelings can be regarded as consolations and according to St Teresa of Avila consolations are permitted by God in order to strengthen in weakness.  Negative feelings are also permitted by God and can do the same thing (strengthen)- although it is a far more difficult 'walk' than consolations and asks Faith and fortitude (strength of soul) to persevere especially if the negative state is prolonged.

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

I'd be grateful to hear what others have experienced with this: if other's have had this sense of emptiness, does it teach you anything, what it does in your life, how God uses it, etc.

 

God bless.

YH

 

Praised be Jesus Christ! Now and forever. :)

 

I think I know about this sense of emptiness; at least in my case anyway but He works differently in all of us to bring us closer to Him. For me this sense of emptiness I find in every aspect of my state of life; interior and exterior. I don't know if it would be different for those with different spiritualities, but because of my Carmelite heart I am drawn to be with Our Lord within, and so this is where I find Him and want to be with Him there. So exteriorly, When I am in a place with a lot of people and/or noise (stores, a lot of noise in the house, even hearing music) the "feeling of the sense of emptiness" comes up immediately and I just want to go off in silence and solitude so that I will not be distracted from Him. I find even when I am in a conversation with someone and the topic is of no importance and leads my thoughts away from Him I get weary because again I just want to be alone with Him. I could understand how this may come off as uncharitable, but for those that understand they would know its completely opposite. Think for example those that enter the cloister. The Spirit moves where He will and we each have our path traced out to follow that will lead to union with Our Lord. I believe my path will lead to the cloister. When and where I don't know at this time, but I'm praying and searching for my place and moving forward.

 

As for the interior sense of emptiness, I think of it more as a detachment. I find that I don't fit in "out here" and I have a natural impulse to not be interested in anything that is not Him, and so everything is empty to me because all I want is Him so this causes a deep sense of solitude within and that only Jesus is there, and its not about feeling Him but believing that He is there. For everyone else that is like this they know then that it is a heavy cross to bear being in a world where there is so much that can bring you far away from God. This increases my desire to enter the religious life. I think when one gets to the point where all they want is to give themselves to Jesus and be united to Him, feelings of any kind become less and less of a hinderance, because you don't give into them anymore. You keep pushing forward and through everything that seems to try and keep you from Him. So your faith and love become more pure and strengthened. Your going to keep to your prayer schedule and other good resolutions you have, even when you feel dryness and repugnance about any of it because those feelings don't matter to you, you will do everything you know that is pleasing to Him and will bring you closer to Him. You won't even rest in those good feelings of desires and longings because you know that Jesus is not those feelings so you won't get attached to those or place much importance on them. Feelings are always changing. This is especially good for preparation for entering the religious life. So I think in my case this detachment and sense of emptiness is permitted or willed by God for this reason. Being courageous and determined now is going to help perseverance in the religious life when that time comes.

 

Maybe this will help a little for all those who are going through this or will be if Our Lord chooses or permits. When someone starts to go through this detachment and sense of emptiness they at times want to search for something, or someone, that they can see as a sense of security through the anxiety that you could have during this time, but this will only hinder the union Our Lord wants with you. In the beginning Our Lord sometimes sends consolations and reassurance to help us along. We really have to become empty of ourselves and the world to be completely filled with Jesus and I find Our Blessed Mother as the perfect example; She was most selfless. I would say hold on to Jesus through everything and keep Him always in sight. Who or what could we desire to have more than Him?  :)