Courting Vs. Dating

[catholic3in1]

Hey Guys,

 

I am 22 and have only dated before, but that hasn't really worked for me, so I am curious about courting.  I just started looking into this idea, what could you tell me about it? or what are your views on courting vs. dating? (pros and cons)

 

I would also like to ask, when do you think the appropriate time to date/court is? Do you think it is ok to look while you are at college, so by the time you are ready to marry you could, or do you think you should wait after college because it is a distraction? 

 

I am interested in someone right now, and I don't know what to do. 

 

Thanks! 

[Nihil Obstat]

I have tried both. Only one of the two found me a wife. ;)
I will say this: if you want to court as opposed to date, both parties have to be 100% on the same page.

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

I think discernment towards a vocation happens when you feel God calling you in that direction. If you have discerned that religious, and generous single life are not your vocation, and you feel drawn towards an individual you answer when God calls not when t is convenient. I think courting is a better option as it does necessitate that both parties talk clearly and openly about goals and objectives, how they will act ect.

[catholic3in1]

but isn't when it is convenient that God is probably calling you in that direction?  Meaning if it is hard and not convenient, then it is most likely that God isn't calling you in that direction, right? Or maybe it just isn't the right time?

[PhuturePriest]

but isn't when it is convenient that God is probably calling you in that direction?  Meaning if it is hard and not convenient, then it is most likely that God isn't calling you in that direction, right? Or maybe it just isn't the right time?

 

Nihil is engaged to marry a girl this July. They met on here, and they both live in different countries. It certainly was never convenient or easy to court (As they will tell you), but God wanted them to. God does not ask us to do things when they are easy or convenient, but rather when He decides we will. Sometimes it doesn't make sense at the time, or perhaps it never will make sense to you, but there is always a reason for it. God doesn't make us do things just for the fun of it. There is always a meaningful reason.

[catholic3in1]

ok, and can you please explain to me the difference between dating and courting? 

[Anastasia13]

ok, and can you please explain to me the difference between dating and courting? 

On this note, I have always has the impression that courting was very formal and had chaperones and stuff. Please feel free to correct this.

[PhuturePriest]

On this note, I have always has the impression that courting was very formal and had chaperones and stuff. Please feel free to correct this.

 

This is somewhat true. Traditional courting would involve not being alone too much in order to make sure you did not fall into temptation, and it is customary for those courting to have a married couple to guide them, preferably not either of their parents so they may be completely honest about everything.

[GeorgiiMichael]

The dating/courting distinction for modern marriage discernment is ridiculous. They both mean the same thing to different people. There is no hard and fast definition for either.

 

The only advice I would give is to not jump right into a relationship. Go on a couple of dates, and talk about it with the other person. The mindset that after a first date two people are automatically in an exclusive romantic relationship is rather silly.

 

Traditional courting is outdated and does not mesh with how people live any longer. The idea that women need to be under protection, either from their families or from their spouse no longer holds. Asking a woman's parents if she is free to court is incredibly sexist and wouldn't be welcomed by anyone that I know. Having chaperoned meetings undermines the autonomy of both members of the relationship.

 

You're 22, you're old enough to make your own decisions. Go on dates. If those dates go somewhere, go on more. When those go well, define the relationship. Have that talk and maybe you'll find yourself in an exclusive romantic relationship with a guy. Then go ahead and discern marriage with him.

 

As long as you both set boundaries, and talk to each other about where things are going, any courting/dating differentiation is unnecessary. 

[Nihil Obstat]

It is true that pretty much nothing about my 'courtship' was easy or convenient. :hehe:

But in the end, I found that God was calling me there anyway. One of the sacrifices we have had to make is that sometimes we have to go for up to six months without seeing each other. It is very hard. But it is the right thing. :)

[Nihil Obstat]

In my personal opinion, the key difference between dating and courting is a serious intent to get married. When one is dating, the possibility of marriage is very distant, at best. Not more than a little thought way in the back of your head. Courting is an active discernment for marriage.

That is how I have defined it for myself. That definition served its purpose.

[FutureCarmeliteClaire]

Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm a teen and totally all for the chaperone stuff.

Unleash the drama llama.

[GeorgiiMichael]

In my personal opinion, the key difference between dating and courting is a serious intent to get married. When one is dating, the possibility of marriage is very distant, at best. Not more than a little thought way in the back of your head. Courting is an active discernment for marriage.

That is how I have defined it for myself. That definition served its purpose.

 

Like I said, different definitions for different people.

 

I would not ask someone on a date if I couldn't at least see the possibility of marriage. Obviously, I'm unlikely to bring up the topic on the first date, but that doesn't mean it isn't something I'm going to be thinking about. If I ever found out that the person I was on a date with wasn't interested in marriage within the next two years, I'd be very clear in my intentions and end things by the conclusion of the date.

 

Could different people define what I'm doing as both courting and dating? Absolutely. Which is why I don't like the distinction. It's messy and doesn't really prove anything.

[Nihil Obstat]

Like I said, different definitions for different people.

 

I would not ask someone on a date if I couldn't at least see the possibility of marriage. Obviously, I'm unlikely to bring up the topic on the first date, but that doesn't mean it isn't something I'm going to be thinking about. If I ever found out that the person I was on a date with wasn't interested in marriage within the next two years, I'd be very clear in my intentions and end things by the conclusion of the date.

 

Could different people define what I'm doing as both courting and dating? Absolutely. Which is why I don't like the distinction. It's messy and doesn't really prove anything.

 

Which is why I was quite specific that this was my personal working definition. I would have said exactly the same thing approximately three years ago. 

[Anastasia13]

Like I said, different definitions for different people.

 

I would not ask someone on a date if I couldn't at least see the possibility of marriage. Obviously, I'm unlikely to bring up the topic on the first date, but that doesn't mean it isn't something I'm going to be thinking about. If I ever found out that the person I was on a date with wasn't interested in marriage within the next two years, I'd be very clear in my intentions and end things by the conclusion of the date.

 

Could different people define what I'm doing as both courting and dating? Absolutely. Which is why I don't like the distinction. It's messy and doesn't really prove anything.

 

You bring up good points.