Respecting Parents

[Nihil Obstat]

Sometimes the only thing to do is to get out of an unhealthy situation.

[tinytherese]

I don't know where else I'd go. My friends are scattered throughout the country, I have a fear of driving, I haven't driven in over 3 years and never have driven alone before, no car, no job, I don't know how to cook, I'm on the health insurance of my mom for my depression medication, after all this time of waiting I'll get to start therapy on wedesday, and over a month ago I was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum.

 

Dad's side of the family defends him, going to somone on mom's might start another war, and even if it didn't I can think of other reasons for why that would be a bad idea. I'm uncomfortable at my home parish. It's gotten even more liberal with the change in who the priest is and yet everybody but me appears to like him. I've tried dialoguing with mom about liturgical abuse, but she's somewhat on the liberal side herself and she says that whatever the priest says and does goes, even if a lay people given homilies like they've been doing.

 

The majority of the parish is made up of elderly people. Young adults are few and the Theology on Tap group which doesn't seem to meet that much looks really boring since they present on the basics of Catholicism and I'm long past that. I'd like to go to this one particular parish instead of the one that I'm at now, but that would upset my family, especially my grandma. Going anywhere else would be seen as betrayal. My family has been there years before I was even in the womb and the parish lost people in the past because of the last priest, the remodeling of the church so that we had to temporary locate to the school gymn, and so many old parishioners keep dying. We may even have to merge with another parish because we are the smallest Catholic church in town.

 

 There's only one retreat house in my area and the people that run it are into New Age practices.

 

I had to go through strange processes for my university to even begin to order my diploma and my report card. I don't even want to go into what I was planning on doing, so add career discernment to my list of problems.

[eagle_eye222001]

 I have a fear of driving, I haven't driven in over 3 years and never have driven alone before, no car, no job.

 

Time to learn how to drive then.  :crusader2:

 

I presume that you are merely afraid of driving, and not incapable?

 

 

 

I don't ask for a public answer to this.  I merely noted the significance of your words.

 

 

If you are incapable, then pray.

If you are merely afraid, pray, and rise up to the challenge for which you must conquer!

[Lilllabettt]

tt- the car thing - you HAVE to do something about it. You just have to. Either find a way to conquer your fear and start driving or move somewhere you don't need to drive. Many people in New York do not have licenses. I worked in DC for 5 years without driving myself anywhere. It can be done. You can do it. But if you don't do something about it - it can curtail your life in terrible ways.

 

I know someone who can't drive (seizure disorder) - and she insisted in staying in our small town with zero public transportation, limiting her career prospects to the dead end jobs in the 5 businesses within walking distance of her dad's home. She more or less married the first guy who waltzed through the door. They celebrated their 3rd anniversary this year and she has never admitted as much - but I think one reason she married him was as a way out of her situation. Which is extremely sad. He seems like a nice husband, but if he were not, I can see her feeling trapped all over again.

 

That does not have to be you. It is scary to do it when you don't know how you're  going to make it - but if you just woke up and bought a plane ticket to DC for example, and came knowing no one, with nowhere to stay and 2 quarters to rub together - it would not kill you. You would go on living, somehow someway. The truth is that in America no one "has" to be literally on the street - not women, that's for sure. It would work out somehow - its just scary not knowing how. But it would. And you would have your independence.

 

Forget liturgical abuse and communication problems - the driving thing has got to be priority #1.

[Lil Red]

tt- the car thing - you HAVE to do something about it. You just have to. Either find a way to conquer your fear and start driving or move somewhere you don't need to drive. Many people in New York do not have licenses. I worked in DC for 5 years without driving myself anywhere. It can be done. You can do it. But if you don't do something about it - it can curtail your life in terrible ways.

 

I know someone who can't drive (seizure disorder) - and she insisted in staying in our small town with zero public transportation, limiting her career prospects to the dead end jobs in the 5 businesses within walking distance of her dad's home. She more or less married the first guy who waltzed through the door. They celebrated their 3rd anniversary this year and she has never admitted as much - but I think one reason she married him was as a way out of her situation. Which is extremely sad. He seems like a nice husband, but if he were not, I can see her feeling trapped all over again.

 

That does not have to be you. It is scary to do it when you don't know how you're  going to make it - but if you just woke up and bought a plane ticket to DC for example, and came knowing no one, with nowhere to stay and 2 quarters to rub together - it would not kill you. You would go on living, somehow someway. The truth is that in America no one "has" to be literally on the street - not women, that's for sure. It would work out somehow - its just scary not knowing how. But it would. And you would have your independence.

 

Forget liturgical abuse and communication problems - the driving thing has got to be priority #1.

 

yes, and amen.

 

tt - i get that life and the situations we're put in can be so overwhelming that we start to just wallow in our misery instead of being pro-active about our situation and taking steps to get out. i will pray for you, that you might have the courage of the Holy Spirit.

[tinytherese]

I'm capable of driving, but I get nervous about other drivers. I'm known to react by freezing and or panicking. I'd like to simply practice with someone I know, but that can be hard because they can get really nervous which has a negative affect on me. A nervous passenger makes for a nervous driver. I understand that it must be scary for them though and I don't know how to calm them.

[MissScripture]

Do you have anywhere to practice that is like the road, but not? I learned to drive in a parking lot for a large medical facility, after hours. The parking lots were all connected, but there was no traffic, so I was able to get more comfortable with everything before having to worry about the other drivers. The next step was driving a lot of back country roads, where there was some other traffic, but not heavy traffic, so I could get used to being in traffic a little at a time. I understand about being nervous about it, because that's why I didn't get my license until I was 19. Find someone who is willing to drive you to a low traffic area to start with, and you can start practicing from there, and then take it in baby steps. Don't expect to conquer it in a day, but the more comfortable you get with simply driving at all, the more comfortable you will be around other drivers, because you will better be able to react to what they're doing when the mechanics of driving are automatic. 

[Nihil Obstat]

I found that when I was just starting to learn how to drive, my best learning was from driving in quiet residential areas, with wide cul-de-sacs and lots of stop signs, where you need not go very fast.

The stage that came after that, when I took driver's ed, was to really throw myself into driving in all kinds of situations, with the help from my instructor, so he did not waste any time getting me downtown during rush hour (which frankly to this day is more than I appreciate), and down on the major highway routes. Trial by fire at that point.

[missionseeker]

I got my license maybe a month ago? lol. I'm 24. And even when I got it, i was SUPER nervous. But the more I drove the less nervous I got. I still don't like to drive with no one in the the car but me (mostly because I have 6 siblings so it's weird to be by myself. Also they just recently left and I am the ONLY ONE ALL THE TIME. It's gets pretty lonely). But anyway, do you have the license? If you do, just ask your brother if he'll go. I loved taking one of my brothers with me if I went somewhere. They were good company. 

 

 

Also, it's natural for someone to be nervous when ANYONE else is driving, no matter the experience they have. Do not take it personally. It's not. It just normal reaction to a semi-stressful situation. 

[tinytherese]

I've had my license since I was 16 and my dad was literally one of my instructors. He took me out for extra driving and gave me an A- on the final driving test. I definitely didn't like doing it with him. I don't trust my little brother whose passion is annoying me on purpose. When I practiced with dad, he used to make comments. Picture a 3 year old in the backseat excaliming, "Jenna, you're freaking me out!" I don't know what the rotten creature was saying that for other than to irritate me on purpose since I wasn't doing anything wrong.

 

One of my grandma's has offered to go with me, though she's a worrier by nature, so I'll have to see.

[God the Father]

If you can't take control of a car how do you expect to take control of your life

[eagle_eye222001]

Everyone is nervous and drives erratically when they begin.  It can take a few years to really settle down and become a smooth driver.  Some people still don't even really make it there.

 

I've noticed that early on in my driving career, I was a better driver with no one in the car than I was with people.  In fact, I hated driving with my mom for the first two years I had my license because her reactions would literally make me so nervous that I would drive much more erratically than normal.  I learned to let her drive (even after getting my license) when we drove somewhere as that ensured a much smoother ride with significant less chance of an accident.  However, as I got more years of experience, I got to the point that I could drive comfortably with my mom.  Likewise, she learned to control her reactions and trust my driving style.  :biker:

 

So these things can take years.  And now when someone in the family is running late somewhere, the family knows the one who has the best chance of getting them there on time and alive.   :blues:

[add]

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bosom of your family

:heart: