It Goes Like This

[Debra Little]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

 

I need to run something by you.  I am hoping it will help to clear up my confusion.

 

Twenty Four years ago I had to leave the Carmelite monastery because of my health.  It took me 22 years of

that time to work through this and get rid of my anger.  I wanted nothing more than religious life.  I couldn't

understand why God would want something else for me.  After all religious life is a very good thing.  But

such was God's will in my case.   It was His will to put me back in the world. 

 

 

I finally came to accept God's will and I really desire to do only His will, not my own.  The thing is, I still

have pain in my heart from having to leave the Carmelites so long ago.  I still wish more than anything

that I could be a Carmelite.  This, apparently, is not what our Lord desires.  I have given my desires

and this pain to Him.  If He wishes for me not to be in the monastery than that life would not be a blessing

to me and I would be walking in rebellion.  I understand this.

 

What I wonder about is, if I still feel pain in my heart, does that mean I haven't accepted His will.  And if

I have truly accepted His will then it seems to me that He would take away the pain.   I feel badly about this

because I want what He wants.  

 

I am not going to ask Him why.  I don't need to because He has His reasons and His ways and those are far

beyond our ability to understand.  It is the way it is and I accept whatever it is that He wants for me. 

 

Please help!

[Gabriela]

I would ask Him why. In not asking, it seems to me you're treating God more as a lofty, distant Judge than the Father of the child you are to Him. Ask Him why, and wait. Once you know why, it might be easier to align your will with His.

 

:-)

[Debra Little]

I would ask Him why. In not asking, it seems to me you're treating God more as a lofty, distant Judge than the Father of the child you are to Him. Ask Him why, and wait. Once you know why, it might be easier to align your will with His.

 

:-)

 

I see what you are saying.   I was thinking that if I asked God why I wasn't having faith.

[Debra Little]

I would ask Him why. In not asking, it seems to me you're treating God more as a lofty, distant Judge than the Father of the child you are to Him. Ask Him why, and wait. Once you know why, it might be easier to align your will with His.

 

:-)

 

I was just praying about this.  And these are the words that came to my mind.

 

Deb, does doing my will mean a lack of pain?  And if there was no pain where would

be the sacrifice?

[To Jesus Through Mary]

I understand and you are not alone. It is very difficult when you leave religious life when you long for it. Some compare it to a breakup or a divorce, but I am inclined to think it is entirely different. But you are right, it is about God's will and not ours. His will does sometimes involve pain. But the thing that I remind myself that his will is always the good. It is always what will bring us closer to heaven. But sometimes when the pain is so real and deeply effecting our faculties, it is hard to look at everything through supernatural eyes. Keep praying and making acts of faith. :) I will pray for you. 

[Debra Little]

I understand and you are not alone. It is very difficult when you leave religious life when you long for it. Some compare it to a breakup or a divorce, but I am inclined to think it is entirely different. But you are right, it is about God's will and not ours. His will does sometimes involve pain. But the thing that I remind myself that his will is always the good. It is always what will bring us closer to heaven. But sometimes when the pain is so real and deeply effecting our faculties, it is hard to look at everything through supernatural eyes. Keep praying and making acts of faith. :) I will pray for you. 

 

Dear Hasa,

 

Thank you so much for these words of encouragement.  I need thos so much right now.   Maybe I am concentrating

too much on on the pain.  It makes feel as I am unfaithful to our Lord.    Acts of faith-a very good idea. 

[To Jesus Through Mary]

You know it is interesting. I don't know if you pray the liturgy of the hours or not but when I was praying evening prayer tonight it made me think of you and this thread. Check it out :) http://divineoffice.org/ (just click evening prayer when you get in there)

 

And DL it is ok to feel pain. That is normal. It doesn't make you unfaithful. Just don't stop- push on through! :) 

 

 

Edited January 20, 2013 by To Jesus Through Mary

[Debra Little]

You know it is interesting. I don't know if you pray the liturgy of the hours or not but when I was praying evening prayer tonight it made me think of you and this thread. Check it out :) http://divineoffice.org/ (just click evening prayer when you get in there)

 

And DL it is ok to feel pain. That is normal. It doesn't make you unfaithful. Just don't stop- push on through! :)

 

Thank you so much.  What a blessing.  The office is online.  Never knew it. 

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

What I wonder about is, if I still feel pain in my heart, does that mean I haven't accepted His will.  And if

I have truly accepted His will then it seems to me that He would take away the pain.   I feel badly about this

because I want what He wants.  

 

I will say a prayer for you Debra. :)

 

Almost a year ago I also had to leave Carmel. I was there for a little more than a year. In some way I know what kind of pain you have. In answer to your question, remember that Jesus accepted and fullfilled God's will for Him perfectly and yet His Heart was not free of pain because of what He went through. Though not in any way was His pain selfish; not at all am I thinking that yours is, but I know that for me sometimes it is selfish. When we do accept His will there is a peace, not so much in the feelings, but it is there deep inside. It doesn't mean that the pain goes away or is not there anymore but we come to see that He wills or permits everything to happen because He loves us so much; as simple as that really. We then come to accept because we know that this has happend because He loves us (whatever the situation may be.) We don't always know why or even understand why we are in the situation we are in, but remember what He says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. â€œAs the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55-8-9. Take Our Blessed Mother for an example, She always said yes to Our Lord, and She suffered very much but she was always surrended to His plan and trusted beyond limit. If the pain is still there He is either willing that or permitting it and all for a greater good. We just have to trust and be simple. Remain close to Him and just let Him love you and lead you. :)

 

I don't know of your health now or state in life, but maybe you could look into the religious life again?

Edited January 21, 2013 by VeniJesuAmorMi

[Debra Little]

Without going into detail it is like this:  I have a seizure disorder, am bipolar (manic-depressive) and have ocd (obsessive compulsive) disorder.   I am doing very well now.  There was a lot of other that went on too but it is personal and I can't relate that here. Put it this way, God has done a lot of healing in my life,  a great healing

of an emotional-mental nature.  Also great spiritual healing.  I account that to being Catholic.  Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

 

But, those same three things are still a part of my life and have been there during most of my life.  God has used them to bring me closer to Himself.  If they weren't

there I am not sure where I would be emotionally, mentally or spiritually.    He has also never taken them away.  So He has a reason for those things being there. 
 

My thinking has been this way.  If I was doing God's will there would be no pain.  But recently I have come to see that perhaps I have had it backwards.  If there is

no pain, then something is seriously wrong.    The only thing that I can say, is that with everything I've been through in my entire life, all those things together do

not begin to equal the pain I still feel from having to leave Carmel.  That seems rather odd after all this time.  After all that was 24 years ago.  I thought something

must be really wrong for it to be like this.  I have not been able to figure out why.  I have prayed and asked God to take it away.   But you may have a point.  For

whatever reason, He may be allowing it for my greater good.  That thought hadn't occurred to me. 

 

Thanks so much for the encouraging words and the insight. Hugz

 

I am sorry you had to leave Carmel too.  My heart goes out to you.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Debra Little

[Debra Little]

Reading 1 Heb 5:1-10

Brothers and sisters:
Every high priest is taken from among men
and made their representative before God,
to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins.
He is able to deal patiently with the ignorant and erring,
for he himself is beset by weakness
and so, for this reason, must make sin offerings for himself
as well as for the people.
No one takes this honor upon himself
but only when called by God,
just as Aaron was.
In the same way,
it was not Christ who glorified himself in becoming high priest,
but rather the one who said to him:
You are my Son:
this day I have begotten you;
just as he says in another place,
You are a priest forever
according to the order of Melchizedek.
In the days when he was in the Flesh,
he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears
to the one who was able to save him from death,
and he was heard because of his reverence.
Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered;
and when he was made perfect,
he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.