I Hate This Feeling

[CatherineM]

My husband and I are starting to think we have made a deal with the devil. Seven years ago we were virtually homeless. My husband had bought his house with the help of his realtor sister only to find out when close to paying it off that it had been put in his brother in law's name and his sister was kicking us out. In the middle of a housing boom we looked at literally the only place in town we could afford, and it was handicap accessible, which is very rare here, and three blocks from our church. We couldn't get a mortgage because I was a new immigrant, but at the last minute, the realtor loaned us the money to buy it.

One blessing after another allowed us to pay off the mortgage in 5 years, so we decided to try to adopt a kid who had aged out of foster care. We went through all sorts of back ground checks In preparation, but none of the kids at the agency were interested. Right after we gave up, it became apparent to me that Zach's mom was sick. We discussed what we would do if she died a couple of months before hand, so were prepared when it happened.

Just when we needed a place for Zach to live, the neighbor above us needed to sell his suite in a hurry before a tax sale. He had sworn that he would kill himself up there before he let someone have it. We were able to scrounge up almost to the penny enough cash and credit to buy it. I'd been waiting on a settlement check for two years, and it came that week. If it had come a year ago like it was supposed to, we'd have probably spent it.

We were discussing taking in another young adult like James, but don't have the room. We looked into getting a mortgage on the three bedroom condo next door to us to knock down a wall to make it one large unit. We were approved but our neighbor wanted exactly double what the unit is worth. That was a week ago. Today we came home to see a coroner's van taking him away.

We are stunned. He was a nice man. He drove a Safeway truck between here and Saskatchewan every other day. He was just a few years older than us, but drank and smoked heavily. Chances are now that we will be able to buy the place, but we obviously didn't want it to happen that way.

I'm also scared that having it happen will freak Zach out. He had a lot of bravado when the cops and emt's were here, but I suspect he will have a crash when the stuff wears off. I mostly feel numb and guilty.

[PhuturePriest]

I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I will pray for you and everyone involved.

[Gabriela]

You didn't ask for it, CatherineM. It's not like you were praying for him to die so you could have his apartment. You have no idea what was going on with him, or why he went at the time he did. All you know is that it turned out a blessing for you. For all you know, it was a blessing for him, too.

 

If you still feel bad, pray for his soul. It's all you can do now.

[AnneLine]

Catherine, we are praying for all of youyou, hoping that it wasn't too traumatic for you, Zach, Austin  and James....

 

I echo what curiousing said; you didn't ask or pray for it, you aren't responsible.

 

You can pray, you can have masses said for him,  My friend T and I are praying for him and for all of you right now.   Let us know if we can help in any other way.

 

 

[CatherineM]

I was worried about Zach seeing the coroner take the gurney out. He seems okay, but I'm keeping a close eye on him today.

[Lil Red]

Catherine, I think when we don't put limits on our prayers to God, when we literally turn everything over to Him without expecting life or situations to turn out a certain way, He is more "free" to fulfill our prayers however He wants.

 

You certainly have my prayers as you move forward. :)

[homeschoolmom]

I smell a sequel.... "Curveballs 2: Extra Innings."

[Lilllabettt]

I believe God takes people at the exact, most ideal time for their  eternal souls. It's not like God timed this man's death to benefit you. Rather He timed your moving in and your fostering/adopting so that this man's death would bring a blessing to you. I hope God somehow uses my death to bless others, just as He will use my life.  Maybe this man wanted that too and God arranged the favor for him.

 

You are doing God's will and that is why the doors are flying open. So no guilty feelings!

[cmaD2006]

Echoing everyone sentiments ... and although someone has passed (through no fault of anyone involved), I am praying and jumping for joy at how God seems to be able to work things out perfectly for those who love Him.

 

Praying that the Lord continues to shower blessing upon blessing on you and your family, Catherine.

[Autumn Dusk]

If you do intend to get the apartment can you make it clear that you will put up a picture or some sort of other little memorial?

 

Keep reiterating to Zach love of neigbor.  I'd encourage you to go to the funeral and keep up the dialogue about how Gods will works and how God is rejoicing becuase His Child is back in his arms and His other children can now be loved.