Advice? Prayers? I'm Thinking About Dropping Out Of College....

[ChristinaTherese]

So, I'm currently stuck. I've realized that what I really like about anywhere I am is how it helps me be able to really set time apart for prayer. School is not very conducive to this, and it's been irritating me for a while. I've been wondering how long it is until I drop out for about a year, but now that this trend has been laid before me clearly, I'm wondering if I should really do it. So, I have a few options:

 

1) Drop out now and figure out how to actually live a reasonable life later.

This wouldn't be a good plan.... I don't want to live on the street until I figure out what I can really do. No.

 

2) Stick through with college anyway, so that I have the security of a college degree.

Um.... I doubt that I'll graduate, but it's a thought. I could at least try to change my major, which might make this a palatable option. Maybe.

 

3) Stick through this quarter as is, and then drop out.

I doubt that finishing OChem is going to happen with decent grades, but I guess I could try. But... I'm sick of chemistry. So, no.

 

4) Change my classes for this quarter, then see if I want to drop out.

This is a reasonable idea. However, I only have until next Wednesday to add/drop classes, and I don't know what I'd change them to. Just not chemistry. Probably.

 

So, what say all of you? I know I'm not the only one who's considered dropping out of college on here. Do any of you have wisdom to add?

 

If I do drop out, another thing to consider is what on earth I can do. I have a couple of options for this too:

 

1) Go back to Portland and live with my parents.

If I can avoid this, I want to. I like living on my own, although I would be glad to live in a community that actually shared my priorities. But, they don't and I don't want to deal with that. (Don't interpret that wrong, they're great, but they don't understand either why I'm becoming Catholic or why I'm discerning.)

 

2) Find a way to live in Seattle.

I've been told that rent is excessively high here, but I might be able to sub-let from friends or board with a woman I know. I could probably get a job that paid enough to pay a minimum rent, so this is an option. I like Seattle, I like the people I know here, all my friends go to college here, and it would be nice to be able to stay close to them.

 

3) Do something else.

Er.... I guess there are technically options here.... But, I haven't the faintest idea what they would be. Except for moving in with my brother. (Who will be barely getting on his feet, and a newlywed, in a few months. No.)

 

So, again, what wisdom do all of you have to offer? What have you done? (Naturally, about both option sets. I suspect that I won't stay in college beyond the end of the year (at the very most), but that's an option too.)

 

I leave with the last email signature quote a friend had before she went missing: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." ~ Howard Thurman

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Talk to your Spiritual Director. And your priest. And your parents.

[nikita92]

I live 26 miles North of Seattle! I work in Seattle as well. The rent, home prices, land, gas, food is high/expensive here, unless you can indeed find a roommate or two..which is a very very common thing to do. Pm me if you wish..I might be able to help you get a job or give you a lead for one. Pax

[emmaberry101]

I would really take this to prayer (as I am sure you have!). As far as consulting your SD/priests, great advice, but do be careful. All the priests I consulted regarding my dropping out were employed by my school...and you guessed it: they told me to stay in.

 

You seem very intelligent, but I feel the need to say that you should definitely not leave school if you are struggling with your grades. The semester before I left, I got A+'s so my parents would know that I was not dropping out because I was struggling, but because of God. I would not say As are a prerequisite to dropping out, but they will certainly help those around you (and yourself) understand that this is answering a call, not a natural impulse or selfish motive.

 

I also would not advise dropping out if you don't have a convent or monastery you are headed to. However, this is slightly very hypocritical of me to say, because I did just that. However, I could see this ending badly, so just a word of caution on that front. Lastly, if you do have a community you are discerning with, take this situation to them and seek their counsel. The last thing you want to happen is to drop out, then have your community tell you that they want to enter with a degree.

 

I have a dear friend who was in my freshmen class and we were both discerning all year. She is still in school, and, as prayerful as she is, I am sure that is God's will for her.  This was God's will for me. You find what is God's will for you!

 

You have my prayers! A tough spot to be in, for sure.. 

 

*Note: I wrote this thinking you were ready to enter a community soon. I read your OP again and realized that you are just joining the Church! Congratulations, and sorry if some of my post does not make much sense in that light.

 

Edited January 5, 2013 by emmaberry101

[AnneLine]

Definitely will hold you in prayer, this is a tough one... went through it myself long ago....

 

You're welcome to PM me if I can help at all.... 'tis what I do (career counseling and vocational discernment stuff.) However, I second what TJMH said above -- if you have a spiritual director, talk to him/her; if you feel comfortable talking to your priest about this, do it; and at some point you do need to talk to your parents, but perhaps you want to be a little clearer what you say when you do that one.....

 

And maybe see if someone in the counseling office can help you.... career counseling if available or general college counseling. 

 

Lots of people have this kind of problem; they should be able to help you clarify what you do/don't like about school and majors, and maybe help you evaluate possible options and look at all the angles. 

 

Before you choose to leave, be sure you are making the right choice.  It could make a HUGE difference to be in a major that you like..... one that matches up more with your skills, abilities and values.  Also, you want to leave in such a way that if/when you want to go back, you can do so ....  especially if you are looking into a religious community.  You never know what they will want you to do....

 

If you drop out of school now, will you have loans that will start to come due?  If so, you need to factor that into your $$$$ calculations.

 

Praying for you....

 

 

 

 

 

[Lilllabettt]

I'm a little bit confuzzled about why school is not conducive to you setting time apart for prayer.

Unless you're working a job on top of classes, the years you spend in college have the most free unstructured time you're ever likely to enjoy in your adult life.

Is there some other more predominant reason you want to quit?

Feel homesick/lonely?

Don't see the point?

Classes are too hard/boring?

Environment is dragging your moral life down?

Don't think you're "college" material?

 

I dropped out of college to pursue religious life - to work and pay off my debts. I can't say I "regret" it - but it was not a prudent decision on my part.

[Gabriela]

I would not drop out unless I knew what else I were going to do. It sounds like you're bummed about having to take Chem. (I dropped out of Chem. :-) It's hard to advise you without knowing more particulars: What year are you in? What's your major? Could you afford to take a semester of nothing but classes you WANT to take, just to restore your spirits? Could you switch to a major in theology or liturgy or something? Could you stick it out one semester then transfer to a Catholic college for next year?

 

I teach at a university, so I know most of my students don't actually WANT to be in college. But they don't know what else to do. And the world will just not give them time to figure it out. It sounds like you need time. So, how can you get that without condemning yourself to a life of poverty as a result? That's the question.

 

And I second (or third, or whatever) the advice to speak to someone closer to you: SD, priest, counselor, etc. I would avoid friends and parents. In my experience, they have too much personally invested in the outcome of your life to really point you toward what's best for you, if it's not what they think is best for you, too.

 

And try watching this. It might help.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m5Ek34BROE&list=PLsRNoUx8w3rPODRo_T8DNdXCWrm7m9jSa&index=12

 

If you stick it out this semester, I'd highly recommend an Ignatian retreat over the summer. If you can't afford much, contact the Passionists in Whitesville, Kentucky. They tend to be pretty helpful in those things.

[Lilllabettt]

p.s. organic chemistry is, in the words of my R.N. mother, "what separates men from boys."  Many, many brilliant doctors, nurses and research scientists struggled badly with o.chem. So do not feel bad that you are struggling too

[TheresaThoma]

Definitely take some time to think this through. 

Another option would be if you can go part time for a bit. When I went through a career/vocation crisis I ended up transferring to a cheaper school and only going part time for a bit.  This gave me some extra time to figure things out while still somewhat keeping on track. Now that I have things a bit more figured out I am back full time and set to graduate in a year.

Definitely talk this out with someone. At one point I was tempted to drop out but after talking to a community and a good priest friend they encouraged me to continue in my studies. This may though not be the right advice for you.

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Could you afford to take a semester of nothing but classes you WANT to take, just to restore your spirits? 

This. This is so important, and so helpful. I make sure that I let myself take one "fun" class each semester, just to make life easier. If you're doing organic chem, biology, and linear algebra all the time, you're going to hate school (unless you...like...that...stuff.... :paperbag: ....).

 

So this semester I'm letting myself take beginners Latin even though I already know some Latin. I just want to take it for a fun, easy, refresher course in the language of the Church. I'm also taking swimming even though I don't need it. If you can take a fun class or two, I highly suggest it. Good idea, curiousing. :)

Edited January 5, 2013 by ToJesusMyHeart

[OnlySunshine]

I had to remark on this because I struggled very much in my early years of college.  I graduated high school in 2001 and just graduated with my 2-year degree in May 2012 after working on it off and on for 11 years.  I say off and on because I got academic probation and suspension.  I did not give a lick about my schoolwork and there were a few semesters where I would goof off in the library or sleep instead of going to class.  I did some real damage to my college career and I am paying for it now.  However, after my reversion in Dec. 2007, everything changed -- including my schoolwork.  Beginning in Jan. 2008, I started taking one class at a time and I got As and Bs.  Last semester, I took 4 classes and got all As.  I'm going to be a full-time student again this semester and I fully expect to get straight As again because I work hard.

 

I say this, not to put the spotlight on me or say that you aren't working hard.  I say it because I've been where you are.  I've dropped out or taken breaks from school.  I usually had a job at the same time.  I would encourage you to find a way to stay in school.  You have about 2-3 years ahead of you before you can start discerning religious life so it's important to keep busy in the meantime.  School is tough at first, but you find ways to make it work.  My cousin is a freshman in another state and is struggling very much but her mom and dad are making her tough it out for the whole year before she can leave.

 

Talk to someone about your problems.  It doesn't have to be your parents.  If you have a spirituality or Catholic center on your campus, seek out the chaplain.  Talk to your RCIA sponsor if you have one.  Don't lean on your own.  Change your major if you have to but find a way to stay in school.  Best wishes!

[ChristinaTherese]

Thank you all for your responses, they've given me something to think about.

 

So, I'm going to switch my classes for this quarter to classes I enjoy more, I think. Just mess around, since I obviously don't want to spend four years studying chemistry (which is currently my intended major). We'll see what I do later, but I think that it's a good idea to, for now, just try to switch my classes around and have fun, and then try to change my major.

 

I definitely agree with the advice to talk to a priest or SD (maybe I should get one...) about this, and maybe life in general. Maybe I'll try to ask my priest for counsel soon.... (In the way of talking to people, I went to talk to someone in the academic support area today, just to talk. I know him, so I figured that I'd stop by during my mid-day break to bounce out my thoughts.)

 

Below are my responses to (selected) individual posts. The format attempts to follow the format of your posts. I apologize if my writing and thoughts below (and above) are incoherent, as they might have been in the OP. I'm tired and thinking a lot and stressed, which may or may not make me adept at anything other than needlework.

 

Definitely will hold you in prayer, this is a tough one... went through it myself long ago....

 

You're welcome to PM me if I can help at all.... 'tis what I do (career counseling and vocational discernment stuff.) However, I second what TJMH said above -- if you have a spiritual director, talk to him/her; if you feel comfortable talking to your priest about this, do it; and at some point you do need to talk to your parents, but perhaps you want to be a little clearer what you say when you do that one.....

 

And maybe see if someone in the counseling office can help you.... career counseling if available or general college counseling. 

 

Lots of people have this kind of problem; they should be able to help you clarify what you do/don't like about school and majors, and maybe help you evaluate possible options and look at all the angles. 

 

Before you choose to leave, be sure you are making the right choice.  It could make a HUGE difference to be in a major that you like..... one that matches up more with your skills, abilities and values.  Also, you want to leave in such a way that if/when you want to go back, you can do so ....  especially if you are looking into a religious community.  You never know what they will want you to do....

 

If you drop out of school now, will you have loans that will start to come due?  If so, you need to factor that into your $$$$ calculations.

 

Praying for you....

I could switch my major.... I just don't know what I'd switch it to. I've been majoring in chemistry so far, which has only made me dislike arbitrary study, and has made me strongly question the whole concept of academia. There might be something.... But I'd have to think of what. Hm.... That may be something to think about, and take to prayer at Adoration tonight.

 

I'm a little bit confuzzled about why school is not conducive to you setting time apart for prayer.

Unless you're working a job on top of classes, the years you spend in college have the most free unstructured time you're ever likely to enjoy in your adult life.

Is there some other more predominant reason you want to quit?

Feel homesick/lonely?

Don't see the point?

Classes are too hard/boring?

Environment is dragging your moral life down?

Don't think you're "college" material?

 

I dropped out of college to pursue religious life - to work and pay off my debts. I can't say I "regret" it - but it was not a prudent decision on my part.

I guess I put it badly. What I meant is that the goal of school is not monasticism, and if what I am always seeking is monasticism (which it seems to be when I really look at myself), then maybe I'm looking in the wrong place. A low paying job, while it would structure my time more, would clearly not be the goal of my life and not request that it be treated like it. But, this might also be an unwise idea.

 

I'm happy to be in school, I like my friends, and they're a major reason that I would not want to take time off, because I like sharing classes with them.

 

True, I don't see the point in my studies, as I said above.

 

Classes are okay, I get fine grades with an adequate amount of study, I just don't always see the point in them. Hence my questions.

 

The environment is splendid, and quite moral.

 

I'm pretty sure that I said above that I'm easily able to handle the studies, I just don't think that what I'm called to do requires college.

 

I would not drop out unless I knew what else I were going to do. It sounds like you're bummed about having to take Chem. (I dropped out of Chem. :-) It's hard to advise you without knowing more particulars: What year are you in? What's your major? Could you afford to take a semester of nothing but classes you WANT to take, just to restore your spirits? Could you switch to a major in theology or liturgy or something? Could you stick it out one semester then transfer to a Catholic college for next year?

 

I teach at a university, so I know most of my students don't actually WANT to be in college. But they don't know what else to do. And the world will just not give them time to figure it out. It sounds like you need time. So, how can you get that without condemning yourself to a life of poverty as a result? That's the question.

 

And I second (or third, or whatever) the advice to speak to someone closer to you: SD, priest, counselor, etc. I would avoid friends and parents. In my experience, they have too much personally invested in the outcome of your life to really point you toward what's best for you, if it's not what they think is best for you, too.

 

And try watching this. It might help.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m5Ek34BROE&list=PLsRNoUx8w3rPODRo_T8DNdXCWrm7m9jSa&index=12

 

If you stick it out this semester, I'd highly recommend an Ignatian retreat over the summer. If you can't afford much, contact the Passionists in Whitesville, Kentucky. They tend to be pretty helpful in those things.

I'm a sophomore chem major.... Hence having mentioned chem a few times in the OP. And, actually, I'm considering (as of this afternoon, but whatever) switching at least one class to just be fun. I don't want to major in theology or something like that at a Protestant school, even though I'd love to switch to that if I were at a Catholic school. But, my parents wouldn't pay for me to study theology at a Catholic school.

 

Time. Yes, that's exactly what I want. This quarter, I'll probably just drop OChem and try to add something else that I think would be fun. We've only had a couple of days of classes, so that should be okay.

 

Wait.... You mention the Whitesville Passionists. I'm in contact with them, albeit not (edit: replace "not" with "I haven't been") for very long. Interesting.... So, they tend to be pretty helpful in what things exactly? Ignatian retreats? (Or just being awesome? :child:)

 

This. This is so important, and so helpful. I make sure that I let myself take one "fun" class each semester, just to make life easier. If you're doing organic chem, biology, and linear algebra all the time, you're going to hate school (unless you...like...that...stuff.... :paperbag: ....).

 

So this semester I'm letting myself take beginners Latin even though I already know some Latin. I just want to take it for a fun, easy, refresher course in the language of the Church. I'm also taking swimming even though I don't need it. If you can take a fun class or two, I highly suggest it. Good idea, curiousing. :)

I want to take a one credit music class that I got an email about.... I mean, why not learn to play the gamelan (a random Indian percussion instrument)? :child:

Edit: Er.... Here's what it says in the course description: "A gamelan is an Indonesian ensemble of tuned percussion.  It includes gongs, metallophones and drums. . . . No previous music experience required." (I have a good amount of music experience anyway, just not on those instruments.)

Edited January 5, 2013 by Christina Thérèse

[Gabriela]

Wait.... You mention the Whitesville Passionists. I'm in contact with them, albeit not for very long. Interesting.... So, they tend to be pretty helpful in what things exactly? Ignatian retreats? (Or just being awesome? :child:)

 

I interviewed some of the sisters there for my research. I'm a po' grad student, so they gave me a room in the guesthouse for free, plus meals. Two of their sisters are certified to offer Ignatian spiritual direction. I think there's also a priest who comes in daily to do that. They often have people on retreat there for Ignatian direction. So, if you need a guided retreat, they could probably hook you up for little to no cost, if you just explain that you're a student struggling to figure out what to do with your life.

 

The sisters there are lovely, by the way. Mother is one of the most wonderful women I've ever met. Have you been in their chapel? A WATER CHANNEL serves as the cloister barrier, symbolizing our common baptism. It is AMAZING. :-)

[cmaD2006]

I would echo the "don't drop out" sentiment.  I struggled throughout college with a whole lot of baggage, and the only reason I didn't drop out during my last semester is due to a professor and a college advisor who wouldn't let me.  He said "if you have to go part time, then so be it but don't stop because you won't finish" (and the advisor was very supportive, and encouraged me NOT to drop out).

 

He was right ... and even not dropping out, it took 7 years before I got my degree (I had a bunch of incompletes, and just got burnt out).  I was lucky -- I didn't have to redo my classwork, and I was able to turn the incompletes-turned-F into mostly A's (and one B and one D, which my university allows for graduation).

 

Go find some solid people to talk you through your struggles.  Again the professor and the advisor were KEY.  They're a large part of the reason why I didn't drop out, and a large part of the reason why I did get through it (and am now working in my field, when I'm not off doing God's work elsewhere).

 

[ChristinaTherese]

Okay.... So, I kind of wish I could delete this thread.... Although, I would enjoy observing a philosophical debate on the merits of college. This is a product, perhaps, of writing before going to Adoration. (I went to Adoration a few hours later.)

 

In the meantime, in case anyone cares, I've changed a lot of my classes. Not because I couldn't do the ones I was in, I just didn't want to.

 

Anyway, after I talked to a few people possibly out of hand things have settled, and I do wish that I had the ability to close/delete this thread.

 

Hint to Mods: I wouldn't mind it if you did close/delete this thread for me.