Confession

[jazzytakara]

I know there is about two and a half months until I make my first confession before the Easter Vigil where I will be confirmed into the Catholic Church, but I have been thinking a lot about it lately. I don't know much about this sacrament, as it is a relatively foreign concept to the United Church of Canada, so I was wondering if anyone could give me advice for my first confession and more knowledge on confession.

 

I'm twenty-two so I have had many sins in my life, will the priest be angry if I take up too much of his time? Also, how can I make a proper and appropriate examination of conscience? Another question I have, are any sins unforgivable? How can I avoid being too scrupulous (I suffer with an anxiety disorder, so I tend to get scrupulous at times)? Also I am still struggling with the church's teaching some church teaching (namely same sex marriage and birth control), I pray for God to help me understand better, but if I am still struggling with these teachings can I still become Catholic in March? I want to understand more, thus why I pray about them, but I am struggling..so if someone could help me understand these church teachings better it would be much appreciated.

 

To sum it up, I'm nervous about my first confession and confused about the above teachings, so it would be much appreciated if someone could help me understand the Catholic teaching.

 

Also what is a confirmation name?

 

Thank you!

Edited January 2, 2013 by jazzytakara

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

I know there is about two and a half months until I make my first confession before the Easter Vigil where I will be confirmed into the Catholic Church, but I have been thinking a lot about it lately. I don't know much about this sacrament, as it is a relatively foreign concept to the United Church of Canada, so I was wondering if anyone could give me advice for my first confession and more knowledge on confession.

I will do what I can to help, but I strongly encourage you to ask these question to your sponsor/ God Parent as well that relationship should be a lifetime bond and you should make sure you work to develop that relationship.

I'm twenty-two so I have had many sins in my life, will the priest be angry if I take up too much of his time? Also, how can I make a proper and appropriate examination of conscience? Another question I have, are any sins unforgivable? How can I avoid being too scrupulous (I suffer with an anxiety disorder, so I tend to get scrupulous at times)?

Most RCIA programs cover this in detail as you get closer to Holy Week, so I would encourage you not to stress too much over it yet. However as basic information we need to remember that what we MUST take to confession are the mortal sins, that is the sins that meet the following criteria * grave (serious) in the nature of the act itself * know it's a sin * freely choose to do it anyway, not all sins meet all of these criteria AND it is totally allowable and GOOD to bring the venal (those that do not meet all 3 criteria) to reconciliation as well. When I made my first Confession at age 22 I looked at my life in chunks..college years, highschool years, middle school years ect...I looked at the deadly sins sloth, envy, gluttony, lust...and the 10 commandments. I did the best I could to come up with an approximate number, but honestly when you are dealing with time in terms of decades...it's hard to count it all, so When a number could not be available I tried to give an honest accounting of if the sin was frequent, occasional ect.

I have never met a priest who was upset with anybody for taking too much time making an honest confession, I am guessing at 22 you we probably like me and not the oldest in your RCIA group, the priest knows that we have had lots of Time to make mistakes and when my class did first confession they had 3 extra priest come over to hear our first confessions (5 total) and we were a class of only about 20. So don't worry about making the priest upset, worry mo about making and honest and complete confession.

Also I am still struggling with the church's teaching some church teaching (namely same sex marriage and birth control), I pray for God to help me understand better, but if I am still struggling with these teachings can I still become Catholic in March? I want to understand more, thus why I pray about them, but I am struggling..so if someone could help me understand these church teachings better it would be much appreciated.

Nobody is going to undstanding EVERYTHING about the faith when getting confirmed, what is important is the docility towards church teaching and willingness to submit and follow as we are struggling with it. Yes please still join the Church even if you are struggling as the graces of the sacraments can help strengthen and fortify us.

To sum it up, I'm nervous about my first confession and confused about the above teachings, so it would be much appreciated if someone could help me understand the Catholic teaching.

Also what is a confirmation name?

Thank you!

If you have specific questions please ask and I'm sure many here on PM will try our best to help you undstanding, but again develop that critical relationship with your sponsor.

A confirmation name is the name of the patron Saint you choose for confirmation. We choose a Saint in which we feel a strong connection towards and are confirmed in there name so that they can help us in our Christian Journey. While the practice varies slightly depending on where you are in many places it is not uncommon to add your confirmation name in your already given name. For example My name is Benjamin Isaacmy confirmation Saint is Saint Pio, so depending on the circumsance I write my name Benjamin Isaac Pio ( last name). I do this on such things like Christmas letters, birthday cards ect. Some people who have the honor of being named after a Saint in their given names like Mary, Joseph, Thomas ect will choose a Saint that already shares their name with them.

[cmaD2006]

I went through RCIA when I was 23 so I can relate.  So -- a few things:

 

a) there will be things that you may not completely understand -- and that is ok.  You keep learning and learning after RCIA. 

 

b) re: confession -- I was super nervious (and well my start was bumpy because of a move in the middle of RCIA).  I think I hated confession for about the first year or two after coming into the Church.  BUT -- after I got the hang of it I actually look forward to it (most of the time).  And I ended up doing a general confession (taking my old sweet time) about 3 years later.  (as I said my start was bumpy ... my first confession consisted of quickly telling the pastor in the back of the Church the biggest sins I could think of in 5 minutes flat before the confirmation Mass).  Just remember that the priest has PROBABLY heard it all (or is well prepared to expect anything), and to just say it all regardless of what it is -- it will bring peace to your soul!

 

c) I did not take on a saint's name ... but my name is actually derived from Mary so I wasn't concerned. (we weren't asked to take on a saint's name in my class).

 

:) Praying for you Jazzy

[Gabriela]

I wasn't particularly nervous about my first confession, but I got really emotional during the event. I'm pretty sure I mopped the whole confessional floor with snot. ;-) Plus, it took over an hour. I was 32 and had not lived the most upstanding life (to put it mildly). For a first confession, you'll schedule a special appointment, so just tell the priest how long you think you'll need. In advance, you should google "examination of conscience" ("the long version"!) and use that to help you remember all the sins you may have committed in your life. I started this WAY in advance (like, months) and went over it multiple times to make sure I didn't forget anything. Of course, I did. But those sins are forgiven, too, at the same time, even if you forget to mention them. So don't worry if you do forget something. My priest told me that I only needed to confess sins I'd committed since my baptism (at age 25), as all sins prior to that are forgiven upon baptism. Thank God. Else I'd have been in there all day.  rotfl

 

Here's an example of a long version of the EoC: http://www.sensustraditionis.org/ExaminationConscienceLong.pdf

Obviously, you don't need to confess not going to Mass or anything else that is relevant only to Catholics, as you weren't Catholic. And your sponsor should be able to answer other questions about it. I suggest "pacing yourself", like doing just one commandment per day.

 

As for a patron saint (confirmation name), I recommend the following: Start praying NOW for a saint to choose YOU. That's the best way to go. I chose Mary, Our Blessed Mother, because she is the one who brought me to Christ, and I wouldn't change that for the world. But at the time, I really didn't know what people meant when they said "a saint will choose you". Now, I know, because since my confirmation, one saint has clearly chosen me. She just pops up everywhere. (And no, it's not St. Therese of Lisieux. She pops up everywhere anyway. ;-) Suffice to say, when a saint "chooses you", YOU'LL KNOW. And when you read his/her life story, it'll click. But it needs time. Pray daily for this.

 

So far as I know, the only sin that is unforgivable is blaspheming the Holy Spirit, because it is the Holy Spirit who brings forgiveness. But I don't know much about this, and frankly, I can't imagine that, if you lived the kind of life in which one regularly says nasty things about God, then God wouldn't forgive you upon converting your life. When I was 14, I plied Christ off the cross on a rosary and glued him back on upside down. As a Jew, I said all kinds of nasty things about Jesus. So, you know... trust in His mercy. :-)

 

Others have already answered the question about not yet fully understanding Church teachings on contraception, etc. I agree with what they said. Though in my case, I didn't take issue with any particular doctrine at the time of confirmation. I wanted to join the Church because, when I looked at Her, I saw Truth and Love. I trusted her totally. What is my mind against centuries of brilliant scholars, philosophers, and theologians—not to mention thousands of divinely inspired saints? I figured that, if I had any opinion that countered Church teaching, it was because I was ignorant, and trusting in the Church, She would enlighten me if only I would take the trouble to learn. There are still tons of things I don't understand, but I accept even without understanding, because I trust.

 

And I continue to learn. :-)

 

God bless you, jazzytakara. May the Lord give you peace and comfort as you approach the day of your full communion with Him.

[Gabriela]

BTW: My priest "accused" me of scrupulosity about half a year after my confirmation because I had been taught that you should count ALL your sins and give him a number in confession. In fact, he said, you need only count mortal sins (sex outside of marriage, murder—including contraception—blaspheming God, etc.). You don't need to count things like gossip, slander, lying, etc. And as Pio mentioned, when you're looking at decades... ugh! Estimate! ;-)

[cmaD2006]

BTW: My priest "accused" me of scrupulosity about half a year after my confirmation because I had been taught that you should count ALL your sins and give him a number in confession. In fact, he said, you need only count mortal sins (sex outside of marriage, murder—including contraception—blaspheming God, etc.). You don't need to count things like gossip, slander, lying, etc. And as Pio mentioned, when you're looking at decades... ugh! Estimate! ;-)

 

 

:) And another two cents ... don't stress over it.  If you forget something, you can always bring it at the next confession.  And it is quite possible that things from your past will come up in the future that you realize are sinful, but didn't confess (and venial or mortal, you can confess it the next time).

 

If you truly forgot about it and it was mortal -- you're fine as long as you cover it in the next confession (because you didn't forget to say it on purpose).

 

It is easy, very easy to fall into scrupulosity.  Just remember that God is quite merciful, and as long as you are trying to be as honest as you can before Him you are fine :).

[Lilllabettt]

I think God is already smiling with delight at all the care your taking to try and please Him.

 

Do NOT worry about upsetting the priest.

Priests sometimes get pelted by popcorn sized sins over and over again in Confession. ( Like doctors who see a lot of cold and flu patients. ) But when they get a chance to do some serious heavy-lifting they relish the opportunity - (the spiritual equivalent of "saving a life.") 

 

The priest who heard my "coming home" confession practically shot out of his seat when I told him how long it'd been. He was so excited to help me through that he was almost talking too fast.

 

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Congratulations for you! This is an exciting time. 

 

As the others have said, please don't worry about how long you will need. This is among one of the most important things in your life. Take all the time you need. Like curiousing said, you should schedule a special appointment since this is your First Confession. :)

 

Here is a BRILLIANT Examination of Conscience that I love to use. 

http://catholicparents.org/oxcart/Examination%20of%20Conscience.pdf

 

Pray to the Holy Spirit to give you clarity about your sins. Don't rush yourself. Be thorough, but if you forget something on accident, it is still forgiven. :)

 

Edit: By the way, my father just came Home for Christmas and went to his first confession in over 30 years. He was really nervous about it, but having made a good examination of conscience, he feels so much better and is very glad to be in Communion with the Church. God bless you!!!

Edited January 4, 2013 by ToJesusMyHeart

[Nihil Obstat]

If you are worried about forgetting past sins, feel free to add something at the end to the effect of "for these sins, and for all sins of my past which I do not now remember, I am truly sorry."

[jmjtina]

Prayers for you! and Welcome Home!!!

 

another  site I'd recommend if you aren't familiar with is Catholic Answers. Peruse it, read and listen. And get with your parish priest. He can help you so much. 

 

as far as the teachings, you state you struggle with contraception and SSM, which are intrinsically evil and can never be promoted. Intrinsically evil actions are those that fundamentally conflict with the moral law and can never be deliberately performed under any circumstances.

 

 

Contraception is wrong because it’s a deliberate violation of the design God built into the human race, often referred to as "natural law." The natural law purpose of sex is procreation. The pleasure that sexual intercourse provides is an additional blessing from God, intended to offer the possibility of new life while strengthening the bond of intimacy, respect, and love between husband and wife. The loving environment this bond creates is the perfect setting for nurturing children. 

But sexual pleasure within marriage becomes unnatural, and even harmful to the spouses, when it is used in a way that deliberately excludes the basic purpose of sex, which is procreation. God’s gift of the sex act, along with its pleasure and intimacy, must not be abused by deliberately frustrating its natural end—procreation. ~ Birth Control Tract, via Catholic Answers

 

 

 

"Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection" (CCC 2357– 2359). ~ Homosexuality Tract, via Catholic Answers

 

As always, knowing what the Church teaches and why are very important. I'm pretty sure this just scratches the surface, but I definitely wanted you to read it if you had not. Again, prayers and love to you! How exciting!! PAX

 

+JMJ