Leaving Tomorrow For Carmel

[juchu]

Prayers for you, Nunsense! I have also been following your journey during the last years on phatmass and I am really joyful for you to be back to Carmel! Prayers! 

[Rosa immaculata]

Ave Maria!

 

Very good news Nunsense! Holy New Year to you, and soon, the cloister for you :) :winner: after a so long travel, I admire your courage to have discerned with a very distant community!

 

Lot of prayers of course! :pray:

[AnneLine]

Let us know what you know of the timing, Nunsense, and we will be with you in spirit.

 

Prayers, gratitude and love.....

 

Blessings,

 

AnneLine

[AccountDeleted]

Well I thought I could get up and head out today but the old jet lag hit again so I took a nap instead! I am trying to get onto this time zone but I think it will be a couple of days before I am really over the changes. So tomorrow I hope to head over to the convent to see the Prioress and discuss my entrance on Friday. We planned for around 2.30pm, so we will see. They usually do the Stations of the Cross at 2:30pm on Fridays but perhaps because it is still Christmas season through Epiphany, they don't do it. I ahve to check with Reverend Mother. I don't want to mess up their schedule by entering at a bad time. The Internet connection in the hotel is slow, slow, slow and very furstrating, but at least I can read and post, so I shouldn't complain. First Class was out of this world and I could get used to that level of comfort if I were rich and travelling a lot. :) But I wouldn't give up Carmel for all the First Class flights in the world. :love:

[Sister Marie]

Dear Nunsense,

 

Congratulations!  I will be praying for you especially as you transition back into Carmel.  You are an inspiration to all of us in how to follow God's voice wherever he leads.  Thank you for sharing your journey with us!  Know you are remembered daily in my prayers.  Please pray for me as well!

 

Sister Marie

[AccountDeleted]

Thank you Sr Marie - it is so good to see you posting here again. Your input is valuable and much needed.

[emmaberry101]

Well I thought I could get up and head out today but the old jet lag hit again so I took a nap instead! I am trying to get onto this time zone but I think it will be a couple of days before I am really over the changes. So tomorrow I hope to head over to the convent to see the Prioress and discuss my entrance on Friday. We planned for around 2.30pm, so we will see. They usually do the Stations of the Cross at 2:30pm on Fridays but perhaps because it is still Christmas season through Epiphany, they don't do it. I ahve to check with Reverend Mother. I don't want to mess up their schedule by entering at a bad time. The Internet connection in the hotel is slow, slow, slow and very furstrating, but at least I can read and post, so I shouldn't complain. First Class was out of this world and I could get used to that level of comfort if I were rich and travelling a lot. :) But I wouldn't give up Carmel for all the First Class flights in the world. :love:

 

Wonderful! I bet you are very excited to see the Prioress again, and all of your Carmelite family, for that matter. God's abundant blessings to you, nunsense, and pray for me.

[savvy]

Praise be Jesus Christ, Nunsense. God has led you on a long journey to his own heart.

 

 

 

[AccountDeleted]

I thought it was a very funny thing that when I turned the TV on today I saw that the Nun's Story was playing next. so I came back to the room after breakfast and watched it again. this time I saw things very differently. I kept telling Sr Luke to relaxa little and lighten up. At one point she tells a superior that she had her own Rule before entering the convent, it was ALL or NOTHING. What that told me was that she couldn't bear not being perfect and if she couldn't be a perfect nun, she didn't want to be a nun. this was something of my attitude the first time I entered the convent. I knew I couldn't be perfect but I wanted to live the life perfectly, and this created a tremendous amount of pressure on me to perform - I was stressed almost the whole time I was in Carmel the first time, trying never to make a mistake, and wanting to do everything perfectly. I remember crying at not being able to follow the Office perfectly and getting lost. One day after a particularly bad night when I was considering leaving, I got to choir late and forgot it was a special feast day so hadn't marked my breviary properly. When they started the Office I got so upset because I couldn't find my place that I actually left the choir! I went to sit on the stairwell outside and listened to them for a little while when it dawned on me that I knew what they were singing - it was the canticle of Daniel that is always used for feasts and solemnities - and I recognised it because it is one of my favorite psalms. Once I knew that, I knew what they were doing and found my place in the breviary. I swallowed my pride and went back inside the choir, bowing to Mother before I went to my place. I joined in then and was ok for the rest of the Office. Mother asked me to come to her office afterwards and I apologised and everything was alright for awhile. But I still had that feeling of needing to be perfect.

 

Maybe one of the reasons God allowed me to experience religious life so many times was because I needed to relax a little and lighten up myself. I needed to learn that it isn't about being perfect, it's about making the effort. During my live-in this last time, I felt so free, so much myself again, and there was no stress. I still want to do things well of course, but I also know that I will make mistakes and that I won't always know or understand everything immediately. Pride is a hard thing to let go of, but now I am just so grateful to be living in Carmel, that it's ok if I am not perfect and that I don't do things perfectly. I think of St Bernadette when they asked what she could do, and she replied that she could do nothing. So she prayed for those who could do things.

 

So, watching the Nun's Story was a learning experience for me today. I will use whatever skills or talents I have for the community, but I won't worry about ALL or NOTHING. I will give what I can, when I can, for as long as I can, and be grateful for that small mercy. Thanks God. :)

Edited January 2, 2013 by nunsense

[Antigonos]

 

Thank you Sr Marie - it is so good to see you posting here again. Your input is valuable and much needed.

I am also glad you are posting again.

[Sister Marie]

Thank you!  I'm glad to be back as well.  Everyone was remembered in prayer during my absence and I did truly miss all of you.  I learn so much myself here!

 

Sorry for hijacking your thread nunsense!

[Antigonos]

 

I thought it was a very funny thing that when I turned the TV on today I saw that the Nun's Story was playing next. so I came back to the room after breakfast and watched it again. this time I saw things very differently. I kept telling Sr Luke to relaxa little and lighten up.

That is precisely what Mother Christophe, the Superior at the insane asylum tells Sister Luke: "Bend, or you will break". Excellent advice, I always thought.

Interesting coincidence that that movie should be on the TV just as you are preparing to enter!

[darcy15]

I watched the Nun's Story too - a favourite film of mine!

Welcome home Nunsense😃

Hope our weather has not been too much of a surprise!

I shall be thinking of you over the next few days, and wish you the very best.

[AnneLine]

Nunsense, not to hijack your thread, but I feel it is almost prophetic (and a Carmelite should like that!) that as you transition into Wolverhampton, Sister Marie is transitioning back and Darcy15 is arriving.  (Welcome to both of you!!!!)  

 

There is something about the ebb and flow of Phatmass -- especially within VocationStation -- that really does feel like religious life.  People enter, and have exciting moments, and sometimes people leave because God wants something different from them.   We have people of all ages and backgrounds, and like all religious communtiies, we have people who are enthusiastic and excited and people who are a little bruised and hurting.  We help each other.  We share our gifts, our stories, our lives in healthy ways.   I really think this is beautiful.... we are a community with a small 'c'.   And we try to be a community of love, and most of the time, we succeed... and apologize and move forward when we don't.

 

And.... just so excited for you, Nunsense!!!!  I think that seeing that movie again AND getting that new insight was and is a gift of God to you and to all of us.  

 

Good enough is GOOD.  It is healthy and balanced.  It is humble and simple.  AND ... it works.

 

Perfection is doing little things wel, yesl...  Perfectionism is trying to do everything perfectly but with the focus on ME... which is always about pride.   How am I doing?  Do I measure up to some impossible standard.   I think that St. John of the Cross nailed it -- In the evening of life, we will be judged upon Love -- and I think St Teresa of Jesus and St. Therese would agree.

 

Go now and Love your Beloved. 

 

We will do the same...  Blessings....

 

 

Edited January 2, 2013 by AnneLine

[AccountDeleted]

[quote] 'Perfectionism is trying to do everything perfectly but with the focus on ME... which is always about pride. How am I doing? Do I measure up to some impossible standard.' [/quote]

 

AnneLine - I have to think about this one a bit more.I am not sure that the motivation behind perfectionism is ALWAYS about about pride (although it could be a factor). Sometimes I think it might be about feelings of insecurity and unworthiness and wanting to make oneself worthy by not making a mistake. The problem with this attitude however is that God doesn't judge only on what we do but other things as well, things that we can't always see or understand. Jesus was pretty harsh about the stewards who didn't do a good job while the master was away, so He does care what we do, but even if we fail, He cares about the efforts we have made and the intentions in our heart at the time as well. So as you say, love plays a big part in pleasing God. 'Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.' 1 Peter 4:8 

 

An attitude of perfectionism can also be about fear - fear of not being loved or of being judged unworthy to be loved and (mistakenly) thinking that if one does everything perfectly, then one will be loved more. I think it is easier to relax and let go of perfectionism when one has realised that God's love is unconditional, that He hates all sin but loves the sinner, to the point where all He really wants is to see the sinner redeemed. Remember ... 'I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.'  Luke 15:7

 

I don't disagree that pride can get in the way and be a part of any failing of ours, but I wouldn't immediately leap to the conclusion that perfectionism (similar to scruples) is always about pride. As human beings we are motivated by many complex factorsand can even err when trying to do what we think is right and will be pleasing to God because we still judge according to appearance and not as God does. Just some thoughts.

 

In other news, I spoke with a friend on the phone tonight who is taking me to Carmel on Friday. She will write an update after I enter - just a notice I suppose saying 'it is consummated' :lol: She is spending the night there in the extern quarters so might not get it posted that day but she will write updates from time to time I am sure. I will still be online tomorrow but that should be it I think. So more then.... :)