What Next?

[Catholicterp7]

     So I'm feeling more and more drawn to the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma. They are a very service oriented community to the point of actually taking a fourth vow of service to the poor, sick and ignorant. On their website it says that the charism is "for each Sister, by virtue of her vows, to become a convergence point between God's mercy and the suffering of humanity" :love: 

     I saw some of the Sisters at Mass this evening and was instantly flooded with huge peace. When Mother greeted me during the sign of peace I felt so much surface nervousness but so much joy and peace. I have such a conviction that this is what I need to do but I'm so scared of taking another misstep that I don't want to do anything about it. I really don't want to start discerning with them out of fear of getting too comfortable in the world but I also don't want to start discerning with them out of impatience or convenience. (They are the only active community that I'm interested in that's in my state and they have a convent, where the vocations director happens to live, only about fifteen minutes from me.)

     In the past few weeks I have read/heard so much about things like "when you're doing what God wants you to do you'll feel intense peace" and "You just need to leap! It doesn't matter if you don't know for sure just so long as you're pretty sure. DO IT!" I just don't know how to get over this fear of making another mistake. (For those of you who don't know, in the past three years I've spoken to five communities about entering because I'm by nature very impulsive and impatient) I know that God used each of those communities to get me to the place I'm at now but it's really hard for me not to see them as mistakes and to trust that no matter what happens with the RSM that He'll guide me and eventually I'll arrive where He wants me. 

     JMJ+ :heart:   

[Kateri89]

I thought I was reading my own thoughts for a moment until I realized this was your particular struggle.   :hehe2:   Let me tell you a little something about me: I first felt drawn to the Nashville Dominicans and went on retreat with them but realized I wasn't called there.  Then I considered the Sisters of Life and almost went on retreat with them but my flight got cancelled so I missed the retreat.  The Vocations Director told me that God must not have wanted me on that retreat for some reason but to pray about it and continue to seek His will.  I looked at other communities and became interested in SSVM and emailed their superior.  Then I looked into the Franciscan Sisters, T.O.R. and now I'm looking at the Sisters Servants of the Eternal Word.

 

My spiritual director won't know what to do with me pretty soon  :doh:   The only thing I can say is that when I really prayed about it, I felt drawn to the Franciscan spirituality but still loved the Dominican spirituality too.  This, plus several other factors, is why I'm really interested in SSEW.

 

I'm not telling you all this to hijack your thread and make it about me but I just wanted to let you know that I have felt EXACTLY the same way you're feeling now.  I guess this is the part where we really try to remove all distractions from our lives and devote ourselves to prayer and reflection.  I know for a fact that I have moments of clarity when I'm in silent prayer so do what works for you!  God Bless   :nunpray:

[TheresaThoma]

Sometimes I think we feel we have to look really far away to do God's will. Don't discount a community because they are close to you and you feel like you are only discerning with them because it is easy. Instead think of it this way, maybe God put you there near them BECAUSE you are called there.

[emmaberry101]

In my (limited and individual) experience, the easy community that was close to me ended up being the one. Go for it, but if you know yourself enough to know that you may be a bit impulsive, then stay collected when contacting this community. God will pave the way for your discernment with them, if they are the one, without you giving your heart to them too quickly. Keep your head but proceed-they are wonderful Sisters! I met some of them at the US Bishops Office when I was picking up Papal Audience tickets, and they were so incredibly sweet! God bless!

[Gabriela]

emmaberry's post gave me an idea: So many sisters compare their joining a community to getting married. You're not just marrying Jesus. You're marrying EVERYONE in that community. So think of contacting them the way you would think of asking a guy on a date: You wouldn't, until you know him pretty well. You wouldn't even think of it until you know him some. And even once you know him and have a first date, you wouldn't think, "I am so going to marry this guy" until you know him REALLY well. And probably, not until you've met his family, too, cuz you'll be marrying all of them as well! Are you even the kind of girl who would ask a guy out? I'm not. I'd wait for him to ask me. Why should it be any different with a community? I can just "strategically place myself" in his/their vicinity, and see what THEY say.

 

At least, this is what a sensible person would do: proceed with some caution. Yeah, sometimes we fall head over heels in love with a guy (or a community) and become instantly convinced that this is love for life. But once we've been through that several times (as you have), we learn to get to know, to take our time, to feel things out before getting our hopes up. Cuz it hurts mighty bad when it turns out not to be for life. And if it is to be for life, well then, what's your hurry? You've got your whole life!

 

EDIT: (I know, I know: Easier said than done! I'm the impatient type, too... I should practice what I preach. ;-) At least TRY to think of it this way! :-)

Edited December 19, 2012 by curiousing

[Luigi]

Talk to them. Talking is not impulsive. 

 

Flinging yourself at them would be impulsive. 

 

 

Don't fling. 

 

 

 

Talk. 

[deusluxmea]

props to curiosing

[Pax_et bonum]

I visited the Poor Clares in VA 12 hours away (I happened to be near though), and now I'm applying to the Poor Sisters of Saint Clare who are two hours away from me. God doesn't always call us to a community that's close to us, but it seems like He does it often enough. You can visit a community and spend time with them without asking for entrance. Just go to their chapel for Mass or Vespers since they're so close. Do they put on retreats? You won't regret visiting a community even if you don't end up being called there. I spend a lot of time with a community 20mins away even though they know I'm applying to a different community. I'm not discerning with them, but I learn so much about what it means to be a religious and live the vows and live in community.

 

Don't be discouraged by your shortcomings. Everyone has her own obstacles whether it's her shortcomings or outside influences, but if you persevere and do your best to overcome these, God won't leave you wanting. Just take it one step at a time. Take some time for serious prayer and just listen, not telling God what you want or constantly asking Him what to do instead of being silent. Wait for God's prompting to make a serious step like asking to enter; actually, don't even worry about that right now. Just get to know the sisters and form a relationship.

[Catholicterp7]

I thought I was reading my own thoughts for a moment until I realized this was your particular struggle.   :hehe2:   Let me tell you a little something about me: I first felt drawn to the Nashville Dominicans and went on retreat with them but realized I wasn't called there.  Then I considered the Sisters of Life and almost went on retreat with them but my flight got cancelled so I missed the retreat.  The Vocations Director told me that God must not have wanted me on that retreat for some reason but to pray about it and continue to seek His will.  I looked at other communities and became interested in SSVM and emailed their superior.  Then I looked into the Franciscan Sisters, T.O.R. and now I'm looking at the Sisters Servants of the Eternal Word.

 

My spiritual director won't know what to do with me pretty soon  :doh:   The only thing I can say is that when I really prayed about it, I felt drawn to the Franciscan spirituality but still loved the Dominican spirituality too.  This, plus several other factors, is why I'm really interested in SSEW.

 

I'm not telling you all this to hijack your thread and make it about me but I just wanted to let you know that I have felt EXACTLY the same way you're feeling now.  I guess this is the part where we really try to remove all distractions from our lives and devote ourselves to prayer and reflection.  I know for a fact that I have moments of clarity when I'm in silent prayer so do what works for you!  God Bless   :nunpray:

Wow! Yesterday in Adoration I was praying that I would find someone who had experienced something similar to what I've gone through. Thank you so much for sharing! I really can't tell you how much reading that has helped me, just to know that I'm not the only one! 

 

emmaberry's post gave me an idea: So many sisters compare their joining a community to getting married. You're not just marrying Jesus. You're marrying EVERYONE in that community. So think of contacting them the way you would think of asking a guy on a date: You wouldn't, until you know him pretty well. You wouldn't even think of it until you know him some. And even once you know him and have a first date, you wouldn't think, "I am so going to marry this guy" until you know him REALLY well. And probably, not until you've met his family, too, cuz you'll be marrying all of them as well! Are you even the kind of girl who would ask a guy out? I'm not. I'd wait for him to ask me. Why should it be any different with a community? I can just "strategically place myself" in his/their vicinity, and see what THEY say.

 

At least, this is what a sensible person would do: proceed with some caution. Yeah, sometimes we fall head over heels in love with a guy (or a community) and become instantly convinced that this is love for life. But once we've been through that several times (as you have), we learn to get to know, to take our time, to feel things out before getting our hopes up. Cuz it hurts mighty bad when it turns out not to be for life. And if it is to be for life, well then, what's your hurry? You've got your whole life!

 

EDIT: (I know, I know: Easier said than done! I'm the impatient type, too... I should practice what I preach. ;-) At least TRY to think of it this way! :-)

THANK YOU! 

 

I visited the Poor Clares in VA 12 hours away (I happened to be near though), and now I'm applying to the Poor Sisters of Saint Clare who are two hours away from me. God doesn't always call us to a community that's close to us, but it seems like He does it often enough. You can visit a community and spend time with them without asking for entrance. Just go to their chapel for Mass or Vespers since they're so close. Do they put on retreats? You won't regret visiting a community even if you don't end up being called there. I spend a lot of time with a community 20mins away even though they know I'm applying to a different community. I'm not discerning with them, but I learn so much about what it means to be a religious and live the vows and live in community.

 

Don't be discouraged by your shortcomings. Everyone has her own obstacles whether it's her shortcomings or outside influences, but if you persevere and do your best to overcome these, God won't leave you wanting. Just take it one step at a time. Take some time for serious prayer and just listen, not telling God what you want or constantly asking Him what to do instead of being silent. Wait for God's prompting to make a serious step like asking to enter; actually, don't even worry about that right now. Just get to know the sisters and form a relationship.

I know that I need to just get to know them but that's really scary for me because I'm such an intensely relational person. I place so much importance on my friendships and so it's really hard when I have a good friend who leaves my life for whatever reason. It's something that has happened a lot in my twenty years of life and it's always really hard. I'm learning more about spiritual relationships and not clinging too tightly to them but the thought that I might spend time with the Sisters and get to know them, develop these amazing relationships and then have that end up not being where I'm called. I know that that is the wrong way to think about it and I am trying really hard to change my perspective on that but it's a big struggle for me. 

Luigi, I wish I could give you props for that post!! Thanks! :) 

JMJ+ :heart: 

[maximillion]

I echo what other posters have said, and would add, trying something and finding out it is not right for you or what He wants is not a mistake.......it's the discernment process in action.

You judge yourself - is He judging you for trying to uncover His will? I doubt it.

Be easy on yourself, see what has gone to date as part of an ongoing process, and take the steps to discernment mentioned in the TEDx post.....

Courage, and be assured of prayers for your discernment............