Is It Wrong To Be Miffed By This?

[Byzantine]

Okay so I was the head server at my church for years. So I asked if I could train the new servers. I was under the impression that I would be leading the training.

 

However, I had to do the training with our religious ed director, who has not (to my knowledge; he's a cantor) served under our current priest (who's been here roughly two or three years; I've more or less at least acted head server the vast majority of the time) and kept telling the new servers what to do when I expected them to know or figure out what to do.  Frankly, I'll admit that I'm a little (perhaps more) miffed by this. Is that wrong? And what should I do about it?

 

(In short: I know what's going on; the other guy doesn't; I had to put up with the other guy)

Edited December 18, 2012 by Byzantine

[dUSt]

Who gets paid less? That determines who has to put up with the most amount of bulsh. It's life.

[Nihil Obstat]

Who gets paid less? That determines who has to put up with the most amount of bulsh. It's life.

 

My manager gets paid significantly more than me, specifically because it is his job to put up with the worst of it.

[Maggyie]

okay so one of the big problems in the church (from my pov) is that if you're involved in a ministry for a long time you can sometimes start thinking it's your "territory" and no one is allowed to infringe on it. No you shouldn't be miffed, think about what you can learn from the director of religious education about training the servers. If you've been doing it a long time maybe a fresh, new perspective would be valuable.

[Basilisa Marie]

It's gonna stink, but you're gonna have to let the religious ed guy be in charge.  The way you worded your first post makes it sound like he's teaching the servers, while you expected them  "to figure it out."   I also second what Maggie said.  When you've been in a ministry for a while, especially when it's volunteer, you start feeling like it's yours.  I've been in similar situations before, felt like I should have been given respect or deference or responsibility because I'd been there forever, but I got none of those things.  It stinks.  The hardest part to swallow is that ministry isn't about you.  

 

You're gonna have to take one for the team, bud.  

 

 

[Papist]

There no wrong in being miffed. How you act on that is what is crucial.  You need to reflect on is your anger just. First of all, it is required that there be two adults at all time when there is a gathering of children. Second, I suggest you talk to the DRE. Tell him you would like to be more involved. After awhile, perhaps you can share some ideas re the training of the servers. He probably will not listen to you if you are wearing a chip on your shoulder.

[Byzantine]

I don't know if this changes anything, but before the lessons began I went to our priest and volunteered to do it. And if I remember correctly he later asked me if I would do it. And then I found out the DRE would be there. And I asked the DRE if I could lead the classes. He said yes. But frankly his comments were annoying to me and he had a tendency to start singing parts of the Liturgy while I was trying to teach the kids (about 7 or 8 years old; I don't know if it distracted them but it sure annoyed me). And yesterday was the last lesson, so I figured that by this time they should know what to do or be able to figure it out.

 

Okay, so really it was mostly last night that had me annoyed.

 

But let me point out that I actually know what I'm doing from experience. And this priest does things differently from most other priests I've served with.

[Ash Wednesday]

A certain amount of annoyance could be understandable, but I'd probably just let it go. If the priest likes some things done a certain way then perhaps in the spirit of charity and wanting to help, you could pull him aside and point some of those things out with him, but tread gently and with charity. :)

Edited December 18, 2012 by Ash Wednesday

[Papist]

If you plan to continue this, I would make an appointment with the pastor. I would thank him for the opportunity and his trusting you.  I would present him your ideas and methods on how you would like to facilitate the instructions/training.  He may accept your methods, reject and insist his, or tweak yours.  This way, moving forward you both are on the same page.

[BigJon16]

It's gonna stink, but you're gonna have to let the religious ed guy be in charge.  The way you worded your first post makes it sound like he's teaching the servers, while you expected them  "to figure it out."   I also second what Maggie said.  When you've been in a ministry for a while, especially when it's volunteer, you start feeling like it's yours.  I've been in similar situations before, felt like I should have been given respect or deference or responsibility because I'd been there forever, but I got none of those things.  It stinks.  The hardest part to swallow is that ministry isn't about you.  

 

You're gonna have to take one for the team, bud.  

 This^

 

If you plan to continue this, I would make an appointment with the pastor. I would thank him for the opportunity and his trusting you.  I would present him your ideas and methods on how you would like to facilitate the instructions/training.  He may accept your methods, reject and insist his, or tweak yours.  This way, moving forward you both are on the same page.

 

And this^

 

 

 

Byz, I am the senior sacristan at my parish, and I know exaclty how you feel... "Hey put that down.. that's my  dirty chalice!"

Edited December 18, 2012 by BigJon16

[IcePrincessKRS]

I don't know if this changes anything, but before the lessons began I went to our priest and volunteered to do it. And if I remember correctly he later asked me if I would do it. And then I found out the DRE would be there. And I asked the DRE if I could lead the classes. He said yes. But frankly his comments were annoying to me and he had a tendency to start singing parts of the Liturgy while I was trying to teach the kids (about 7 or 8 years old; I don't know if it distracted them but it sure annoyed me). And yesterday was the last lesson, so I figured that by this time they should know what to do or be able to figure it out.

 

Okay, so really it was mostly last night that had me annoyed.

 

But let me point out that I actually know what I'm doing from experience. And this priest does things differently from most other priests I've served with.

 

 

Re: the bold part. As the mother of children in this age range... you might be expecting a little too much this early in the game. Kids are clever and can pick up on things quickly, but when it comes to serving Mass and knowing all the cues most of them are probably going to need to actually serve a few Masses before they have it as down pat as you'd like them to. My friend has a 9 year old son who serves and he doesn't always remember exactly what to do; his mom told him "Just behave, try to be holy, and follow the lead of the older servers." He does great, unless you were the one teaching him you wouldn't notice he messed up, I only know he has because he's bashfully admitted he forgot things a couple times. The DRE may annoy the snot out of you but try to be patient for/with the kids. You are the one setting the example for them to follow.

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

Was the DRE singing the parts, because he was trying to help the new servers to have cues from the liturgy? I know I've used that technique sometimes...you can say...OK when the Gloria starts then you are going to...but if you SING the Gloria as well those servers who might not remember the name of the action, but will remember the music and thus know what to do.

[Byzantine]

If you plan to continue this, I would make an appointment with the pastor. I would thank him for the opportunity and his trusting you.  I would present him your ideas and methods on how you would like to facilitate the instructions/training.  He may accept your methods, reject and insist his, or tweak yours.  This way, moving forward you both are on the same page.

It is not that we have different teaching methods. While I don't like some of the stuff he has us do (the way he learned the Liturgy is different from how servers act nowadays; it's complicated, keep in mind this is a Byzantine Liturgy), I still teach the kids to do it. He's the priest, and I'm not. What I meant earlier is that he brought some customs with him that have fallen out of use among most of the other priests I've served with, if not all of them. The problem is more that I was stuck with the DRE, who doesn't know what to do as well as I do.

 

Was the DRE singing the parts, because he was trying to help the new servers to have cues from the liturgy? I know I've used that technique sometimes...you can say...OK when the Gloria starts then you are going to...but if you SING the Gloria as well those servers who might not remember the name of the action, but will remember the music and thus know what to do.

He was singing the parts while I was saying what would be happening. It would be me saying "okay, when the priest goes like this, then you _______" and he would be singing. At least at one point if they went by his singing they would move too soon. Far too many chiefs.

Edited December 18, 2012 by Byzantine

[Noel's angel]

1. Remember: you don't know it all, either (perhaps an indication of this, is expecting 7 or 8 year olds to 'know' or 'figure out' what to do. That is not how you train someone, especially not children).

 

2. Even if you are 'right' and he is 'wrong', this is a good exercise in training yourself to be patient.

 

3. Life is messy, and you will encounter many more occasions like the one you have described. You will, one day, look back on this and wonder what on earth all the stressing was about. 

 

4. Don't bother the priest unless necessary. Don't go to him and say 'I wanted to do this and now he's taking over and it's not fair.' Be an adult and try to sort it out with the DRE. The priest most likely let the two of you take on this role to save him time and hassle; don't give him more hassle than he would have had doing the job himself.

[theculturewarrior]

Noel, you have a wonderful way of explaining things.  I would prop this if I could.